How did no one notice the wrong boy was alive for 3 weeks

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So in Yorkshire the police have mixed up two boys, one who died in a crash and one on life support. They told the wrong family their boy had died and the other that their son was still alive.
I just don’t understand how this wasn’t picked up for three weeks. Surely the family visiting the wrong boy in hospital would notice straight away?

Neither were the driver - it was a young girl who also died.

Throwing in a "Terrible story for both families though" to make yourself feel like a good person after blaming them and saying you would be far better in their shoes you mean?

It's hard to blame the Police for the mix up if no family member noticed.

Trying to make myself feel like a good person? WTF? MN is a bizarre place at times. It's a crazy story. Let's leave it at that, since you don't seem to think that you'd recognise your own DC's hands or hair or anything else in three weeks. Personally, I think most people would, but I'm not 'blaming' the DPs. Presumably they were too distressed to question things that didn't make sense.

The only reason I knew it was my son is because I was with him when he had a cardiac arrest and then was ultimately transferred to a different hospital with a PICU.

He didn't have an accident but he had developed septic shock due to a bowel obstruction and then also developed compartment syndrome in his knee which they had to leave because he was too unstable.

He was unrecognisable due to all the bandages on his limbs, his swollen body, his disfigured knee, covered in tubes and wires etc. I knew it was him but he didn't look like my child at all.

Something obviously went wrong somewhere but the parents are absolutely not to blame and shouldn't be judged.

As it has been said mutiple times on this thread, someone in ICU can be completely unidentifiable. And you can often not see most of their body. It is not the families fault they didn't know.

Much harder to understand is why the identity of the dead boy was not confirmed in the days after the accident. If he was also unrecognisable, then surely they should have done something to confirm his identity

Would you be uncovering the person in the bed and lifting up their hospital gown to check for moles or to get a look at their feet?

I can’t say it would occur to me to do that. So at best we have hands, hands with cannulas in, possible swelling and bruising.

I honestly can't imagine. Thinking your son had died and then finding out he's actually alive?! Wow. But the poor other family who found out their son had already been dead for 3 weeks and they didn't know, and instead were sat at the bedside of another boy. Absolutely awful.

I'd also like to think I'd know my daughter anywhere and in any state but how can either of us possibly know that? We haven't ever HAD to know then anywhere and in any state.

You literally blamed them.

As I said just be thankful you can sit there feeling like you would go through the hell they are going through 'better' than they are.

You clearly have zero idea.

How would you recognise their hair if it had been syringed in a car fire and/or their head is now bandaged up due to a head injury?

How would you recognise their hands/feet if they were black as infection had set in as it often does and they were now in septic shock with limbs at risk of amputation?

Some people on this thread don't have to simply think about it from the warm comforts of home. They have actually experienced it.

Heartbreaking for both families.

I thought this story sounded familiar, there was a plot on CSI based on the real-life case in the US, though they changed the ending and clearly the mother in the show didn’t recognise her own daughter.
https://csi.fandom.com/wiki/And_Here%27s_To_You,_Mrs._Azrael

But you still posted that you are a superior parent to the parents in the middle of this.

It’s a really tragic mistake.
The boys looked alike and their injuries made them difficult to discern between the two.

It’s no one’s “fault”.

It had to go through multiple people, including the families.

It does raise the possibility that we may need to do DNA tests on people in similar situations in the future.

What about the fathers?

Many of the comments on this thread are in incredibly poor taste. Bickering about who is right/wrong. Why/how didn't anyone realise and confidently stating it could never happen to you (lets hope you never have to find out). Coming up with theories. Trawling for and posting photos of the victims for a compare and contrast. Chatting about it as if it some sort of TV true crime show.

Really quite sickening. I hope thar neither family ever comes across this thread.

it must be so painful not to recognise a loved one through injury or illness.
I don't think the families are "to blame" in any way and we don't know all the facts and circumstances in this situation.
It seems incredulous that the police incorrectly identified the people involved and we need to know how and why it happened to prevent others going through the pain and distress it surely causes.
I think most of the questioning is trying to understand what happened rather than to blame the parents.

I imagine that even if you had doubts you initially might be in such shock that you wouldn't query it.

Imagine visiting & realising the alternative if it isn't your son you are visiting.

Unless it was very obvious you might be telling yourself not to be so daft-how could such a mistake happen.

If the parents had identified the boys, @allthingsinmoderation, it is entirely reasonable for the police and hospital staff to accept that identification, imo.

You'd know your kids anywhere? Whatever injuries they had, however changed their appearance??

You think you are a superior Mother who has this superpower because your SUCH a good Mother? Obviously far better than these parents.

How can you make such a claim in the face of the experience of ICU staff on here?

You've never seen a person really badly injured have you.

You better pray you are never put to the test.

No you do not know this. You’d like to think it from some smug superior position of never having experienced someone in this horrendous state.

read the thread. Learn what people who HAVE experienced loved ones in these conditions have experienced.

And maybe apologise for your superior smug attitude which is really upsetting.

those of us who didn’t recognise our loved ones on ICU because they looked SO different, were in shock and traumatised, all while being told by experienced medical staff that it’s normal for your loved one to look unrecognisable - we all get it. We aren’t less capable, less attentive or less loving because of it. It’s simply the reality that someone so critically ill and critically injured does not look anything like their healthy selves.

@Kirbert2 I’m so sorry for you experience and just sending you good wishes that I hope this thread isn’t too triggering and upsetting. I’m finding it hurtful and distressing and my situation didn’t involve my child. I really hope you son recovered as well as he could and is now doing well. As a mum, I’m sure you are forever impacted by the ICU ordeal and hope you’ve been well supported.

Very true

Surprising though it is, we know that it did happen

Tragic for all involved

I've only read a short article, do we know what all the multiple people did?

Ime a lot of people will rely on the previous person having done their job correctly and don't actively check what they've done. It will be interesting to know exactly what was done to establish the identities

Thank you.

My son is disabled now as a result but he wasn't expected to survive, he was in PICU for 7 weeks in total. It will be 2 years in March and he has exceeded everyone's expectations. Even the hospital call him a miracle.