Guardian article on SAHMs

[branflake81]

here

I think its important to look at the long-term implications of giving up work for a few years. Its not just about the few years you give up to stay at home, its long-term implications like pensions, future earning-power etc. I think as long as you are aware of the implications and accept them that's fine. However, I think far too many women think thye can bounce back to work once their children are at school and I think that's the main difficulty and where many mums get "stitched up" if you like.. A friend of mine was in this situation some time ago and likened it to soldiers returning from war. They have done a great job and now noone is interested.

Beautiful, if you were sharing the childcare and working too then you would need some extra childcare like a creche or a nursery or childminder.

bs - 20k = take home 15.5k, so total is 31k if you both work.

Childcare for 1 child is about £600 - £1000 a month, depends on what you use and where you live, so broadly speaking you would be better off going back to work.

Phew.

Beautiful - if both parents are working, then some form of childcare is needed. When our children were pre-school, I worked P/T for a while and DH was F/T, and for a while he was P/T. Now the children are in school we both work full time. The point I am making is that we preferred this option to one parent being the sole earner, and thereby having to work longer hours and seeing less of the children, and the other parent having no work outside the home. We see ourselves as equals, and I would prefer my children to grow up experiencing a mother and father who both see parenting and earning an income as valid and important aspects of life. I'm not saying it's impossible to do that in other situations, but from experience I've seen that couples who start off equal, and then have massively diverging roles, with one parent becoming sole earner and one sole carer, tend to find it harder to adjust to these roles. Of course, if a man is happy to take on the traditional earning role and wants a wife to stay home then fine - whatever suits. But many people choose differently.

findtheriver - I was a WOHM once, with me and dh both doing our his and her graduate jobs, with 2 children in F/T childcare.

Then I saw the light

I am now lazy arse SAHM with kids in school, time on my hands to lie in bed all day reading magazines and a dh who thinks I'm great for taking care of everything domestic.

It's not a bad life TBH

BTW good post fairymum. I too know a lot of people who give up work completely and then spend years struggling to regain a foothold.

That's fine then Iota - it works for you.
It would drive me nuts! When I'm on holiday I spend the first day watching morning TV and one day is enough - I'm bored witless!! Think DH would also get bored with me!! And I would find it very hard to look my daughters in the eye and tell them to work hard at school, go to Uni and get a good career!!

well I never watch daytime TV apart from the 1 O'Clock news if dh is working at home and we stop for lunch together. Nor do I have daughters so don't need to worry about setting them a bad example

I also wouldnt want my ds to think that's what women are for either!

"what women are for" - what's wrong with women caring for their children? Seems like a great idea to me - just as nature intended

My DH works 39 hrs a week and has his dream job which it took him a while to get into. It does involve shifts so me being at home means he doesn't have to worry about whether he can change shifts or whatever. I think it is great that we manage everything between us rather than depending on family/friends/paid help etc. Yes we both are dependant on each other but so that is a marriage and parenting.

I think my DSs and DDs can see for themselves that some women/men work and some do the caring. They are brought up that they can make their own choices, I don't have to be doing something to show that it is an example. They can see around them that there are options including and other than what i am doing.

"Seems like a great idea to me - just as nature intended"

but maybe not what our young women are intending when they study hard at university and pay a fortune for their degree only to leave their careers behind a few years later with poor prospects of ever returning to the same type of job. Once your child starts school its even harder to work and especially if you are not already used to the juggling and have the finances in place to pay for childcare before/after school and during holidays......

Iota, were you taking the piss in the comment about lazing around at home all day? You are setting your sons an example too remember. Hopefully a good one but maybe a more traditional one?

Course she's taking the piss! (I hope )
Lounging around in bed with magazines isnt exactly caring for children anyway is it!

beaniesteve yes I'm afraid that I have rather been taking the piss on this thread

my numbers about gross and net income should be accurate though I used this tax calculator

well it is a rainy bank holiday. Gotta do something to stay occupied before getting back to work and setting a good example

I'm surprised you have the time to arse about on here, findtheriver - shouldn't you be frantically batch cooking for the week ahead, or doing a week's worth of laundry?

oh did that all by 6 am this morning iota. Us working women are just so friggin organised!!

Signing in Iota!

I also did the 2 parents working all the hours god sends when we had one child, and gave it all up when No2 arrived as it just wasn't worth the stress. Financially it means dh can concentrate on his career, which means he's right at the top of it and can earn more on his own that we could if we were both working but having to concentrate on home/kids as well. And hopefully he'll be retired in 10 years so he will be able to spend lots of time with the kids and me.

And I really don't see why I m setting a bad example to my dd or ds- I had a career, my hard work and qualifications earnt me a considerable amount of money and respect for 12 years, and then I made a choice to make a change. They now see me being a homemaker, a supportive partner, a voluntary contributor to the local community and an educator - none of which I am ashamed of. They also both know that I worked before having kids, and that it's possible to work as well as having kids.

what's a power tools executive? anyone??