Dafur woman and child / toddler rapes

[Crankymum]

I heard about this again on the news the other day and I won't go into details as it REALLY upset me and I don't want anyone else to be more disturbed than needed. I'm finding it hard to enjoy lovemaking for thinking about it, and changing my little girl (18mths) is distressing for me. I know its not new but any advice on coping mechanisms with this sort of awful news?

I also heard this again on the radio last week, it was a follow on to a story I heard a year ago. I had recently given birth when I first heard it and I suspect that is why it was so particularly upsetting. not that it wouldn't be anyway as it is all awful and I feel so sorry for those poor people

Cranky, there are no words, the reason you care is because you are a good person, dd is your life and you cant bear it I know, but she is safe, and I know the thoughts that run through your mind about someone so young and innocent being hurt, but all you can do is take care of your dd, and maybe try to find a way to contribute toward helping unfortunate children who are hurt. It could be a few quid, or sponsorship, or just a prayer, these things are not done by men with no hearts, or conscience, they are unfortunately conditioned by war, and this is something we will never thankfully know.

Please try to think of the good things, love making is LOVE, it is not and will never resemble what these poor people suffer, dont compare it, it isnt the same act, that is violence and what you have is love.

Your dd is lucky to have you,

Cranky, I am totally with you, I can't get awful stuff out of my head, I heard a story about child abuse of a little boy the same age as DS2 and for about 3 weeks I couldn't stop thinking about the story each time I changed DS2's nappy, bought a lump to my throat and someimes tears to my eyes.

I have to try to distract myself with singing silly songs as loudly as possible to DS2 (who thinks I am loopy!) otherwise the thoughts going round and round my head upset me greatly.

Sorry just spotted typo, meant to read "these things are not done by men with hearts, or conscience" I most definitely think these men are heartless and lack any conscience, or empathy for other human beings.

I thought I was the only one who couldn't enjoy love-making after hearing about this sort of thing. It's like the awful images come into your head at the most inappropriate moments don't they.

Colacubes is right, try to find a way to help.

i have taken to avoiding the news as much as possible because of that horrible case of a small baby a couple of years ago.my dd2 was only tiny when i heard about it and i just couldnt get it out of my head.it was also a problem for me in personal ways

i dont know how to deal with it either,other than avoidance.

Thanks so much everyone. Just knowing its not just me has helped. I'll try and do something positive - after all, we are the fortunate ones so I don't want to be self absorbed.

' I'm finding it hard to enjoy lovemaking....any advice on coping mechanisms' ?

is this a piss take?

dont think it is a piss take donnie

No not a piss take, hardly funny is it?
Some of us are extremely sensitive and upset by child abuse to the point where it is hard to get it out of your head. Me being one of them - these stories stay in my mind and imagination for years. I heard a story about a little boy a while ago and made the mistake of reading a full report detailing his abuse. It still haunts me to this day.

The only way I can deal with these sort of stories is avoidance. I read it the first time (inadvertently), and after than if I come across anything in the paper I skip it and if it comes on the radio/TV I just switch it off. Tt's just so utterly incomprehensible and heartbreaking how anyone can be cruel towards defenceless babies/young children.

Haven't read the whole thread, only the first post and the title enough is distressing. If there are articles in the paper like this, I just skip to the next page, if it's on the radio, I switch it off. It's not called burying one's head in the sand but as you've said, it's not necessary to know in full detail once you know the main headlines.

Human Rights Watch

"The government of Sudan has repeatedly denied that sexual violence is a problem in Darfur. As recently as March 2007 President Omar al-Bashir said in a television interview, ?It is not in the Sudanese culture or people of Darfur to rape. It doesn?t exist. We don?t have it.?"

MT is that because there is no notion of having to consent? there fore you cant have non consentual(sp?) sex

Many cutlures claim not to have rape - what actually happens is that they just don't ask the women or think the rights of men outweigh the rights of a woman to say no - therefore consent is not even an issue.

cola and cranky these stories always stick in my head too. They are heart breaking. I tend to agree with you that it's better to avoid the details.

www.bbc.co.uk/radio4/today/reports/international/congo_donate.shtml
Hope this works- this should be a link to the Today programme who broadcast the reports- lots of people have been in contact wanting to help, here are some charities you can donate to.
I've gone for avoidance at times, too, sometimes you need to protect yourself. You being distressed isnt going to help them UNLESS it spurs you into action. Once those images are in your head it can be hard to get rid of them. But I do believe the best way is to take action- to support those peole who are out there doing something and more importantly to speak to our representatives and ask them what they are doing about it.

Cranky. I know what you mean. There was a similar story in the news when my dd was the same age as the victim.... It beggared belief. It shocked me SO much. I suppose, although we know it's terrible, we know there are rapists out there, and we don't confront that unless we or a friend are one of the unlucky ones. But this is so beyond evil that it shakes you to the core.

I signed up to direct debit money for the Darfur crisis after reading one rape article too many. That might help.