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Couple not allowed to foster because they won't stop smacking their own child

57 replies

scorpio1 · 09/04/2008 13:35

news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/somerset/7337034.stm

I know smacking has been done here 1000000 times, but i wonder how they would discipline the fostered child - would they learn new techniques?

OP posts:
DrNortherner · 12/04/2008 21:57

I saw this couple on GMTV and they came accross as lovley, caring and balanced people. They are not at all saying they hit their dd evry day, but that they had in the past, and they do not want to ay they never will again in case the need arises.

Why do people go all hysterical when people say they sometimes smack their children?

IMO, it's a shame that one poor kid will have to stay in care that little bit longer when they could have had a home.

Kewcumber · 12/04/2008 21:58

fostering and adoption is not about doing the legal minimum required as a parent it is about what is in the best interests of the child. Usually a higher standard of parenting is expected (rigthly or wrongly)

Kewcumber · 12/04/2008 22:00

and if I'm being brutally honest anyone who tells a social worker that they smack their child shows a degree of misjudgment which could be a potential problme!

immaculateconception · 12/04/2008 22:01

I am from a very loving foster family and I can remember having a couple of smacks on the bum from my foster mum. I never ever saw it as an issue and I was from a very, very violent background. Sometimes a smack on the bottom was the only thing that stopped my behaviour. I still have the upmost respect for my foster parents and am still in contact with them. What my mother did to me was not reasonable and was uncalled for, what my foster mum did was reasonable.

DrNortherner · 12/04/2008 22:02

But they are being honest Kew. Imagine how many carers do smack kids and pretend they don't.

Blu · 13/04/2008 17:38

Well, I'm sorry that they have been led a dance by Somerset SS, but I am a bit on the point of principle thay have chosen to dig in over. If they were using their platform to publicise the fact that smacking should be routinely and consistently barred in the homes of fostered children, rather than that they are being unfairly treated, then they would have a more just cause, imo.

DS saw our nanny smack her own child once, and was perturbed. I spoke to her about it immediately, she admitted that she had, and agreed without argument or hesitation that she would not ever do that again around my child - I was confident that she had not laid a finger on my DS, but even so - as others have pointed out - there may be many foster children who need to know 100% that it is a hitting-free home, for everyone who lives there.

Blu · 18/04/2008 13:18

The woman from this couple was on the radio this morning, along with someone from SS and a man from some other family organisation called Norman something.. SS did a good job of explaining their position, Norman said 'many children come from homes where alcohol is the cause of abuse or neglect and we don't insist that foster families stop all alcohol consumption in the house' and the mother, Heather, stuck to her ppoint about the principle and how they would be sensitive etc. The SS woman said that it was impractical to use two disciplne systems within a house and would cause tension between foster and birth children and that thier remit was also to ensure that birth children were well catered fro within the fostering set-up.She was very adamant on the principle of foster children not witnessing or being aware of smacking within a home.
The parents are appealing, and undertaking a formal complaints procedure.

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