Family life is in 'meltdown': Judge launches devastating attack on our fractured society

[ScienceTeacher]

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There certainly could be more help for people contemplating divorce, compulsory interviews offering options short of that etc.

I think we have often had fractured families in the UK, often because men are away fighting in wars for a start and some of the misery of women and children trapped in abusive families and marriages is now relieved because they have the option to divorce.

As one of these fractured families in our case we are much better off split than together in just about every sense except financial.

Oh lovely,t he Daily Hate. And this man is "is in charge of family courts across South-West England". Marvellous.

He's bound to have a jaundiced view of humanity, given he only sees people when things have gone wrong.

But claims such as 'Almost every dysfunctional child is the product of a broken family' are a rather extreme and unfair.

And this one smacks of prejudice against people who aren't upper middle class like him: 'In some of the more heavily populated urban areas, family life is quite frankly in meltdown or completely unrecognisable . . . it is on an epidemic scale. In some areas of the country family life in the old sense no longer exists.'

It's also reported on the bbc so I don't think the DM can be blamed.

I had to visit a young offenders institute recently. According to a prison officer, every single inmate came from the same sort of background - poorer, poorly educated, single parent family, no qualifications. So it would appear that the breakdown of families is having a detrimental effect in that respect.

I think he is spot-on, tbh. I've said the same things on a couple of education threads in the last couple of days.

Middle class is not exempt, edam.

It's too important a topic to be poo-poo as a class thing, or not politically correct.

I think many people are not bringing their children up properly.
We have teenagers who believe that life is worthless, high numbers being stabbed/shot/beaten to death for no apparent reason

I don't know if it is single parent families per se as I know some who have brought their children up very well.
I think it is a distinct lack of moral fibre, or sense of responsibility
Also no respect for other people/society in general

I didn't say the middle class were exempt, it's the judge who is blaming 'common people'. Although carefully not using that exact phrase, that's clearly what he means.

I dunno how true it is - the middle classes have always complained that the working classes are feckless/drunken/irresponsible. Has anyone done an analysis to see if there is real evidence things are worse now than in Victorian times, for instance?

Although there does seem to be an issue about bolshy children demanding respect without offering it to strangers/authority figures. Default position should be to treat everyone with respect unless you discover a reason to challenge them - and even then any challenge should be reasonable and polite if possible. Lot of people today - adults too - seem to think belligerence is your starting point for interactions with others.

My mother, who was young in the 60s, says it was important for her generation to challenge the culture of unquestioning, automatic respect for authority - the 'is there anything you would like to say to the country, Prime Minster?' culture. BUT she says it's swung too far the other way. Don't know how much of that is just getting old though.

I think if you went back to Victorian slums or even the 1910s childhood book I was reading in the summer plus ca change. We have never had a golden era in the UK of perfect happy families. Certainly that does not mean we should be complacent but I am not sure things are any worse. My mother who taught in very poor bits of Newcastle with classes of 40 children in the 1950s for example had families with mothers with different fathers, fathers in prison etc.

What we do have today is more support for women who are abused to leave violent men and better state benefits and we do not force women to give up their children to adoption so all round things are so very much better.And plenty of children have been hurt and damaged within stable families of married parents where a parent abuses a child or canes it or the parents get on so badly the child is damaged for life.

Edam makes a lot of good points
I think in terms of the changes in society that your mother refers to it was a case of throwing the baby out with the bathwater
I don't think the problem is bigger class sizes or children with different fathers- this has always existed
It is the casual violence and self hatred that many children are being raised with

It's not being the child of a single parent(s) that sends a teenager out on to the streets to burn out cars. It's the lack of opportunity that comes from being caught in the poverty trap. So I think that the whole single parent thing is a total red herring

But, I would say that. I'm a single parent and I know my children are happier now.

Bully for the judge that he (or his wife!) held their marriage together, but it just doesn't work out like that every time. I love waking up knowing that nobody else's bad temper or negativity is going to drag me down. Not having money for luxuries is a small price to pay.

If children from single-parent families are sometimes disadvantaged, the judge should with the benefit of his wisdom and influence, try and identify precisely what aspect it is of being a child of a single parent that is going to be disadvantageous to the child, and then use his power to try and implement new support systems.....

Now if he had some thoughts on that, it would have been worth the paper used to print his thoughts.

Oh god another single parent bashing.

I don't know, Madame C, people have lived in much worse poverty than today but were still more decent to each other on the whole

Lots of children to different fathers is a relatively new thing though. It's not that many years since women (girls) gave up their babies for adoption. This was still commonplace in the 80s. Those babies would then be brought up in extremely loving families with good parenting skills.

I totally agree with Science Teacher. There IS a crisis in family life and you can't blame the DM for that...

I strongly believe that MN should take some of the responsibility for family breakdown. It cruelly leads vulnerable mothers into hopeless addiction..

I think he's probably right. He's there at the coalface isn't he? Maybe he should be taken seriously.

But if as even that judge (who loves to bash single mothers) admits that it's not the children of ALL single mothers who are in trouble, just some of them, then why is the issue still seen to be single mothers??

He may say that all the children he sees are from single parent families, but I'd be so interested to know what percentage of the general population a) is known to the police, and b) what percentage of single parent youths are known to the police. Is there a vast difference??

What is true is that there is less general respect shown to elders and figures of authority etc...

But I see that as being down to the MOTOR CAR Pre 1920,circa! people stayed so locally to their own home that if they stood on the main street and picked their nose, their mother would hear about it by lunch time.
THAT 'accountability' as they would say on the apprentice, is what kept people on the straight and narrow. The fact that communities were so local. Every body's World was so 'micro'. It was in an individual's own interest to behave or they would suffer the consequences. Definitely and more quickly.

Now, everybody is driving 2k to school, 4 k the other direction to their gym, 3 to the supermarket, 10k to work. And in EACH of those places you nod and say hello to a few people.

And THAT is why there are problems in society. I refuse to type the words "society has broken down" though! Because I don't think it has.

Well, I believe that family holds the key to an individuals self esteem and values.
They are starting point in trying to understand why so much is wrong in our society
As a parent you have a responsibility to raise your child well

My mother was judging the mother of Shannon Matthews and basically coming to the conclusion that she was a bad person for having had 7 kids with 5 fathers. But luckily for my Mum, in her World or social sphere or whatever you call it, men showed you respect and married you. She would have no experience of trying to pin down a man who wanted to wander off. Women like Shannon Matthew's mother have to take what they're given, or be single and maybe lonely. From the outside looking in, I'd pick single and lonely, but who am I to judge her?! I had every advantage and I also picked the wrong man. I'm not picking another wrong man though! I'm going to stop at one......... But there are different social mores in different circles, and I bet if Shannon Matthews had said to the father of her first child "marry me and get a job" then he would have just left her anyway.

No I don't think it has broken down Madame C but our attitudes to young people in general concern me.
As I said before some single mothers raise their children very well, some married mothers don't
Surely children are still accountable to their parents though?
I think we have become scared of our youngsters, leaving the majority who want to do the right thing stranded in terms of a moral compass
It has also become acceptable to be devious in the pursuit of money

Well, i think having 7 children by 5 different fathers shows a lack of insight!!

I also think it is people who don't understand the importance of the input you give your children who are willing to have lots of children in this manner

IMO he IS right, whether we like it or not. Dysfunctional children do not come from well-functioning families. I don't think the article is bashing single mothers I think it's highlighting the struggle many of them have on a daily basis.

But Freckle, don't you take from that article that it is POVERTY AND LACK OF QUALIFICATIONS that is the cause??

Why is it QED that single parenting is the cause!!!!!

I'm so sick of people merging poverty issues with single-parenting.

Why don't we blame people with brown hair?? According to statistics, 95% of all youths known to the police have mothers who have brown hair.

The ONE thing that I will concede is that there is possibly a difference in the single mother who didn't mind being a single mother from the get go, and the other kind who never would have planned it that way. The latter usually has more ambition for her child, and sets out to counter any disadvantages their children may have to face. Mostly shitty articles that give airspace to stupid judges!

It's well-known that people do a bit better when more is expected from them, so I'm sure the opposite is also true, and maybe THAT is part of the problem. Articles like this one perpetuate a lack of expectation.

So, I blame the judge