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All under threes should be cared for at home?

162 replies

mrsruffallo · 08/01/2008 11:10

Two varying opinions in a magazine I have read recently;
First by Oliver James
Right now, being a stay at home mum has a lower status than that of a streetsweeper. The current government has pursued policies that encourage more parents of young children to enter the workplace and put demands of their careers before the needs of the children...... There is little question that children under three should be cared for by one person who knows them well. Toddlers need to feel secure that their needs will be met, and that they will be loved later in life. In my view, what we need is a less consumerist society, where both parents do not feel compelled to work during these amazing years. That means rethinking both our workaholism and our materialism.

Second by Joanna Grigg
It would be foolish not to keep your foot in the door re your career: nearly half of all mums will end up as single parents .....part time workers camn be seen as ineffective...working mums feel alienated and undervalued...the bulk of research shows that nursery doesn't harm children, the real issue being that your child feels loved and you don't have to be a sahm for this.

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mrsruffallo · 08/01/2008 22:34

Surely, quattro, if you are so worried about over population of the world then you believe that having children full stop is a bad thing to do-what does it matter who cares for them?
A small income a month would help me out a lot as as the partner of a full time worker I recieve no benefits at all- which is fine, my choice- but just a little towards presacription or travel charges would help.
It makes me cross that just because you didn't want to be a SAHM you write it off as worthless.
I am bringing up my DC to be positive contributors to society and I love spending these formative years with them. I will return to work once the youngest starts school.
And I don't really give a hoot about what this period looks like on my CV- I have found it life affirming and life changing- I am a much more tolerant and selfless, less materialsitic person

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tazmosis · 08/01/2008 22:37

Each to their own. My kids are at nursery 3 days a week, with me/their Dad for 3 and with their Grandma 1. I deliberately chose a nursery over a childminder as I think a good nursery is safer (not one to one, other people around). My nursery doesn't employ 'bored teenagers' and has a very low turnover of staff and excellent management.

Quattrocento · 08/01/2008 22:40

Mrs Ruffalo - these are public policy decisions and it cannot be right as a matter of public policy for people to stay at home to care for children. That's the only point I am making.

I don't especially care about over population personally. I expect I should but I have so many other things to care about that overpopulation hasn't made it onto the list.

I am sure that a small income would help you and indeed all full-time carers.

Please read my posts. I have never ever written off the role of a full-time carer as being worthless. I do not think it is worthless. It is vital and essential.

I am glad that you found the period at home life affirming and life changing.

Quattrocento · 08/01/2008 22:41

to pay people to stay at home, I mean

policywonk · 08/01/2008 22:42

Sorry, should say that I don't mean to tar all nurseries with the 'bored teenagers' brush - just the two that I have had direct experience of.

Quattrocento · 08/01/2008 22:44

Oh Paula, have we disagreed on something. There are only about three subjects I ever get heated about, books, being nasty to stepchildren and 4x4s. Sorry if we have crossed swords before.

Reallytired · 08/01/2008 22:53

Stay at home parents are paid: by their spouse! It is a private arrangment between two people.

People vary a lot in their talents. Some people are capable of more than others. Some jobs are harder to do than others. There is a massive shortage of people for some highly skilled jobs.

There is more to life than your own children. I found that being a SAHM was an incredibly insular existance. I took my son to mother and toddler groups where women would just talk about their kids development, nappies and weaning.

Heathcliffscathy · 08/01/2008 22:54

kerrrist i've really read it all now.

Twinklemegan · 08/01/2008 23:00

How's about all of you who are bored by your children don't bother having them so there's more help to go round for those of us who are not? Just a thought.

Quattrocento · 08/01/2008 23:02

but I like them so ....

just need an adrenaline charge

policywonk · 08/01/2008 23:07

Reallytired, are you aware that that post is implicitly insulting to SAH parents? My partner does not 'pay' me - I'm not his feckin cleaner, or his nanny. He works out of the home, I work in the home and we share our resources.

Believe me, there are plenty of people who can't (and don't) cut it as full-time parents. I guess some people just don't have what it takes, eh?

Quattrocento · 08/01/2008 23:08

OY PW!

policywonk · 08/01/2008 23:09

She started it (mum)

Reallytired · 08/01/2008 23:18

Twinklemegan, I don't need help, I much prefer to provide help. I like the independence of working and helping other people at the same time.

I love problem solving and technical problems.

mrsruffallo · 08/01/2008 23:19

Policywonk, if you take your dc to mother and toddler groups what common ground do you think you share?
If you use your imagination, there are a lot more things to do

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policywonk · 08/01/2008 23:21

No no no, not me mrsrufallo! I'm on your side dear.

Monkeytrousers · 08/01/2008 23:23

I agree with Oliver James but when he tried to blame all the bad things on capitalism he just undermines all the good things in his argument and just sounds like another idiot utopianist.

I also agree with Joanna Grigg.

james seems to be an unreformed communist who wants to 'smash the system' which is abotu as unhumaitarian as you can get.

Grigg seems more pragmatic - the 'system' is always in a state of reform, and we adapt as we go. That is the best for all of us.

mrsruffallo · 08/01/2008 23:23

Sorry I meant Really tired of course!
Am really tired and had a couple of glasses of red wine....policywonk, I am on your side too!!!!!

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mrsruffallo · 08/01/2008 23:25

I think unreformed communist is a bit extreme-he just said people need to be a little less materialistic not smash the state fgs

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Monkeytrousers · 08/01/2008 23:26

and I think James would like to force his utopian ideal on women - a very conservative and uninspiring perpective

mrsruffallo · 08/01/2008 23:27

But he didn't say it had to be the woman either....

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Monkeytrousers · 08/01/2008 23:28

Why FGS?

Have I just walked in when tempers are fraying?

It isn't just about this - it';s him in general.

Are you sure you aren't Mrs james??

If not, don;t get yer knickers in a twist about it!

Tortington · 08/01/2008 23:28

its not a choice for most.

i hated being at home with mine - and i worked wanky jobs off and on

Reallytired · 08/01/2008 23:28

Some people are unemployable.

Tortington · 08/01/2008 23:29

in fact free childcare for babies was what enticed me to college - anything to get away for a bit

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