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All under threes should be cared for at home?

162 replies

mrsruffallo · 08/01/2008 11:10

Two varying opinions in a magazine I have read recently;
First by Oliver James
Right now, being a stay at home mum has a lower status than that of a streetsweeper. The current government has pursued policies that encourage more parents of young children to enter the workplace and put demands of their careers before the needs of the children...... There is little question that children under three should be cared for by one person who knows them well. Toddlers need to feel secure that their needs will be met, and that they will be loved later in life. In my view, what we need is a less consumerist society, where both parents do not feel compelled to work during these amazing years. That means rethinking both our workaholism and our materialism.

Second by Joanna Grigg
It would be foolish not to keep your foot in the door re your career: nearly half of all mums will end up as single parents .....part time workers camn be seen as ineffective...working mums feel alienated and undervalued...the bulk of research shows that nursery doesn't harm children, the real issue being that your child feels loved and you don't have to be a sahm for this.

OP posts:
TheGoatofBitterness · 08/01/2008 11:57

sorry the lentils thing wasn't meant to be rude it was an expression of how broke i would be - i am partial to the odd lentil myself.

personally i don't care what you all do with your children as long as they are happy but it really pees me off when people start all this sanctimonius (sp?) shit. i am back at work after a lovely 2 weeks off with dd and too bloody right i am bitter!!!

saadia · 08/01/2008 11:58

My view is that they need good quality care, love, attention and stimulation - be it at home or nursery. Homes obviously can't be inspected but I am sceptical about how many Outstanding nurseries there actually are.

supercannes · 08/01/2008 12:00

I agree with both views (a bit like Walnutshell). Hard for most women to resolve this issue and it will stay difficult so long as it is seen purely as a problem women alone have to resolve. Part-time work and work from home can help but not many people have that option. Btw I have done both part-time nursery and staying at home when it comes to childcare for under-3s - don't feel bad about either as I made the best decision I could each time, but with hindsight and from reading wish I'd done the staying at home bit for both dds. I think there's a tendency to want to shoot the messenger re people like Oliver James, but the evidence seems to be more on their side. Doesn't mean it's anyone's fault if they end up having to use nursery for a baby, but it does mean as a society we could do with rethinking some priorities. Financial independence and the ability to wohm is a godsend for many women in so many ways - in some cases it will literally save lives and massively improve children's lives because it means they can get away from violent/abusive partners/fathers - but it would be good if some resolution could be found so babies could also get what seems to be best for them while they're under 3. The government pushing nursery for all doesn't seem like the best plan.

SueBaroo · 08/01/2008 12:00

feminists don't like rich men, then?

Walnutshell · 08/01/2008 12:02

not as status symbols, sue!

mrsruffallo · 08/01/2008 12:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

TheGoatofBitterness · 08/01/2008 12:03

le puy lentils with spinach and ginger is my current fav but sadly my skin reacts badly to ginger and hot spices so i have had to curb my appetite!

lennygrrl · 08/01/2008 12:06

Message withdrawn

SueBaroo · 08/01/2008 12:06

I don't have a rich husband. I have a middling one. And I don't much give a fig for status, really. I just get peeved with my SIL thinking she's better than me. [shoulderchip]

Oh, and I'm no feminist

TheGoatofBitterness · 08/01/2008 12:08

come on lennygirrl leave us to our january post christmas induced squabbling.

CatIsSleepy · 08/01/2008 12:09

hmm
you can debate this sort of thing endlessly
most people make a pragmatic choice balancing their children's needs with what is financially practical and then try and get on with it

you can think about things too much, you know

not lentils though. you can never think about lentils too much.

mrsruffallo · 08/01/2008 12:10

lennygrrl I guess this is an old chestnut but obviously one that people have ongoing opinions on. You can always hide threads you've had enough of!
Goat, lentils sound fab!

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TheGoatofBitterness · 08/01/2008 12:10

or chickpeas!

CatIsSleepy · 08/01/2008 12:11

mmmm, pulses

lennygrrl · 08/01/2008 12:15

Message withdrawn

lennygrrl · 08/01/2008 12:15

Message withdrawn

SueBaroo · 08/01/2008 12:15

oo, I do love a nice chickpea. mmm

mrsruffallo · 08/01/2008 12:17

SueBaroo-aren't we all feminists these days?

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Walnutshell · 08/01/2008 12:18

Ah, I find it sad when women say they aren't feminists.

Anyway, Sue - "I just get peeved with my SIL thinking she's better than me. [shoulderchip]" - begone that shoulder chip! If you really don't give a fig, then it doesn't matter what SIL thinks!

Walnutshell · 08/01/2008 12:18

I am so there with the chick pea thing. Makes great comfort food.

sprogger · 08/01/2008 12:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheGoatofBitterness · 08/01/2008 12:19

what would mumsnet be without its staple diet of sahm v wohm, bfing v bottle, parents & toddler parking, sneering at non middle class names/diets/clothes/etc.

OrmIrian · 08/01/2008 12:19

Well in my opinion for many parents it doesn't make any difference what Oliver James or Joanna thingy says. If you have to work that's just how it is and you make the best of it.

I have one friend that has recently resigned from his very high-powered stressful job. He can afford to because of good investments over the years and good timing with their house purchase. He's 45 and his kids are just finishing secondary school.

mrsruffallo · 08/01/2008 12:20

Agree with the feminism remark walnut-why wouldn't you be?

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Walnutshell · 08/01/2008 12:21

shhhhhmirkkk at goaty!

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