7-yr-old killed riding quad bike ON UNLIT ROAD AFTER DARK!!!

[WendyWeber]

What were they thinking of???

Thank you, Jaja, though I didn't want to make anyone cry. Dh's parents are/were - his father is dead now - inspirational in the way they dealt with tragedy, with grace and without bitterness. Their first baby died at one week so even to have let go of dh's db must have been a challenge. They later lost prem twins when dh was 14, as well. It affected FIL in that he was always paranoid about our dc, constantly checking on them etc. MIL is a very spiritual person and seems to gain some serenity from that.

I suppose we should be grateful that we live in a world where one child's death in an accident is something that shocks us all so much.

My mum lost 2 cousins in separate road accidents in the war years - one hit by a bus and the other by a lorry. There were many times the number of road deaths in those days than there are today - even though there were far fewer vehicles on the road.

Very true, Fortyplus. Dh's grandmother was also killed by a car, as she crossed a zebra crossing. I spend most of my time in Nigeria where RTA's are commonplace and no one blinks an eye at the horrendous attrition rate. Such a waste of lives.

Fortyplus, Suedonim,

Perhaps those experiences have made us more accepting of the idea that there are always risks and we can't protect our dcs totally from them, leading us to be more sympathetic to the plight of families in situations like this.

Obviously not saying anyone is condoning the original decision, but couldn't say I've not done stupid things in the past and who can say we won't make tragic mistakes in the future? Before anyone says it, for many of us those errors of judgement could not involve quad bikes...

Too true. Mt ds fell off a friend's 125cc motorbike - riding it in a paddock. He went spinning through the air like a rag doll, but fortunately wasn't hurt. If he'd died presumably no one would have slated me because he was in a field not on the road. But it was still my decision to allow him to have a go at riding it.

Teenage boys are killed every week on mopeds and motorbikes. It is perfectly legal if you are 16/17 to drive these things. Yet, they are lethal. Should the parents of teenage boys be called irresponsible for allowing their under 18s to ride motorbikes? I am genuinely interested. Lots of things that are legal are, in my opinion, at least as dangerous as things that are not legal.

Personally, I would never, ever let my teenagers go on a motorbike because I consider the risks are too high. (My parents forbade me to ride as a passenger on a motorbike, of course I ignored them and in fact had a preference for boyfriends with motorbikes. I just walked a few hundred yards up the road and got on the motor bike where they couldn't see me.) I guess I got a thrill from the danger aspect and disobeying my parents. I had a few close misses, but never a bad accident. Lucky, I guess. I know so many people who have had really bad accidents on motorbikes (and a few who have died).

I would probably be quite happy about quad bikes (off road) even with much younger kids, because I wouldn't think the risks were so high. We thought about doing it in Egypt when the kids were quite young, but didn't get round to it. I think it probably was a little dangerous - but not as dangerous as driving on the M25 on a bad day.

Now, what about children on bikes on roads? This is perfectly legal but also (in busy urban areas) most definitely at the higher level of risk. I used to feel quite hysterical when my husband took our small children on child seats on the back of his bike. Perfectly legal - but in my opinion unacceptably risky on a road (not off road though).

I guess we all have to make our own risk assessments. Life is inherently risky - a friend of my 16 year old's was recently run over and killed - she walked in front of a bus, just didn't look. It's the things we do every day without really thinking about them - like driving, crossing the road, that are the most risky. Any time any of us step on or near a road, as a pedestrian, driver, cyclist whatever, we are taking a risk.

I think in the case of this child on a quad bike, they were very unlucky. It was a quiet country road and they were probably lulled into a false sense of security as it was near their home and they felt 'safe' there, almost as safe as going across a field or something. Quite young kids ride ponies on quiet country roads - it's legal but not necessarily particularly "safe" ditto bikes.

When I was 12 I had a pony. When I was 16 I had a moped.

As an adult, my dad told me that the decisions to let me have these things - knowing full well that either could kill me - were some of the hardest he ever had to make. He said that he believed that the self-reliance and responsibility of looking after the pony would be incredibly character building. He said that he had to resist the urge to wrap me up in cotton wool, which was why he allowed me the moped when I was 16. He encouraged me to learn to drive and I had my own car soon after my 18th birthday.

Looking back, these were all things that came very much from my dad - my mum didn't comment directly to me, though she tells me now that my dad and she discussed it together.

Will I be as strong with my own children? I don't know. Funnily enough ds1 has always seemes the more responsible of the two - it's not just that he's older. But I couldn't very well allow ds1 a moped and not ds2 when the time comes, could I?

Thank you so much for your response. I would entirely respect the attitude that your parent/s took. My own parents were incredibly laissez faire, apart from motor bikes, that is! I am so glad - I think it enabled us all to develop our own responses to risk. Also - to have a childhood with lots of adventures. But, yes, it is really difficult to find a balance between protecting your child/teen and also allowing them to take acceptable risks.

I think my two are a little over cautious in some respects, though they play rugby and get 'stuck in' to tackles, which probably compares with riding a moped, risk-wise!

My dh is dead set against the idea of them having mopeds when they're old enough - he didn't have one. I had one and loved the freedom it gave me, but I did come off it 3 times - once needing stitches.

I really don't know what will end up happening. I suspect I'll dangle the carrot of driving lessons and a car as early as possible to keep them off 2 wheels!

It has just been announced that the father has been arrested.

and quite rightly too. He should go to prison for that.

I'm with nametaken on this

poor man as if he hasn't suffered enough