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"Single mothers with secondary school children should seek work" - BBC news this am.

209 replies

mumblechum · 18/07/2007 08:28

What does everyone think? Apparently 70% of single parents already work, and a third of those who don't have a good reason not to, eg have a child with a disability.

My first response (have always worked at least pt) is "of course they should, the lazy buggers", but a 12 year old child can't really be left to fend for themselves EVERY day after school, can they, and I don't suppose you could get a childminder to look after them for just 1.5 hours a day.

My own experience is that my ds (year 7) does need a fair bit of tlc still, especially with all the upheaval of changing schools, more work, making new friends etc.

What do you reckon?

OP posts:
rebelmum1 · 18/07/2007 16:08

The holidays would be the tricky bit, but childminders cover these.

expatinscotland · 18/07/2007 16:08

How about going after the dads who swanned off without a second thought and forcing them to pay maintenance, even if it's out of their benefits?

Why is always the mother seen as the bad guy?

rebelmum1 · 18/07/2007 16:16

it could be the mother whose swanned off and left the dad? or the mother got pregnant at the fairground or had an affair and the dad got fed up and went off or the mother beat the dad or ...

rebelmum1 · 18/07/2007 16:20

It's not an attack against single mothers but why should taxpayers pay for someone to stay at home when their children are at school?

rebelmum1 · 18/07/2007 16:23

Why should i work?! My dd's not even in school! Where's my free money?

expatinscotland · 18/07/2007 16:24

But he's still obligated to pay maintenance, rebel. She didn't sprog herself up.

rebelmum1 · 18/07/2007 16:25

she might have run off with the milkman..maybe the dad doesn't know.. maybe she's a psycho, perhaps she went to a sperm bank..

expatinscotland · 18/07/2007 16:26

well someone knowingly screwed around with no protection in order to get her sprogged up, rebel, so why's she the only bad guy in this?

rebelmum1 · 18/07/2007 16:30

she could have said she was on the pill, maybe he told her he had the snip, it's not about the circumstances, I work so why shouldn't a single parent with a child in school? of course men should pay but she'd still need to work I have a dp but i still work.. I don't get your logic I'm afraid

rebelmum1 · 18/07/2007 16:32

No one said she's a bad guy just that she shouldn't be paid to sit at home when children are school age - the other 70% of single mothers manage to work.

rebelmum1 · 18/07/2007 16:32

why should I work to pay for someone else to sit at home?

rebelmum1 · 18/07/2007 16:34

my very dear friend is a single mum and she works, she still gets other benefits too and tax credits. In fact 80% of her childcare is paid for.

suzycreamcheese · 18/07/2007 16:35

sssSandy..in germany do they provide after school care to fit in with work hours?

working hours in UK are long and getting longer it seems, and although am not single parent i cant even consider doing what i used do when ds goes to school as i wouldnt be able to finish til the job is done 7 or 8 or longer... and dh works til late often unpredictable hours ..no family nearby etc...

there needs to be some proper care network provided at affordable (percent of income)..before this can happen or working hours need to be done around school times ..as if...

its too easy for government to point at parents single or otherwise for not working when the hours expected in most full time jobs leaves kids with strangers / alone

discussions with employers to try to solve these issues might be more productive than just making scapegoats of parents single or otherwise for not working..

RGPargy · 18/07/2007 16:40

I have always worked full time, despite being a single mum from when DS was aged 3 until the last 2 years (he's 17 now). He had to come home from school on his own from about the age of 11. He would ring me as soon as he got home, but my sister was at the time living 2 doors down so he had an adult he could turn to, should he have needed to. I would ring him about once to hour to check on him and would leave him stuff that he could eat in the fridge until i got home at about 6.45-7pm.

I was in a lot of debt and simply couldn't afford childcare from 3.30 til 7pm 5 days a week and as i was earning above the threshhold for help with childcare, i would not have been eligible for any help with costs.

Not ideal, but it couldn't be helped i'm afraid. When this LO comes along, i am lucky enough that my position has changed dramatically and i will be working 2 days a week and at home the rest. During the time that i work DC will be looked after by his/her granny.

Lovely.

RGPargy · 18/07/2007 16:45

Oh and when my son was 15 i decided to give up work temporarily as he was losing the plot at school and not getting his GSCE coursework done, being out from end of school time til 9pm and just basically dossing about. I left work for 6 months and kicked his ass into shape. He didn't get great GCSE results but at least he passed those that he took. If i hadn't have been there I fear he would have failed them all.

I think to say that parents of kids of this age MUST go back to work is wrong. This is one of the most vital times in a kid's school life as they are under so much pressure from their peers to bunk off school, not bother with homework, start smoking etc etc, not to mention how much school work pressure they are under etc etc.

My son changed dramatically from having me at home for those few months and loved me being there for him. He clearly needed me for the guidance.

saadia · 18/07/2007 17:02

RGPargy I totally agree with you. It's all very well to say all parents with secondary-age dcs should work but everyone's circumstances are different and sometimes the cost to the dc is just too high. I think you did very well to get ds on the right track. These aspects of parenting often go unrecognised by society.

And I know lots of people who say that once the dcs start school they are even more in need of time with parents.

jellybeans · 18/07/2007 17:05

I think it should be made easier for them to work/train but that they shouldn't have to, as teenagers often need a parent around more ,and in the case of a lone parent, they are doing 2 jobs if one parent is absent. Also, they may not be contributing that much cash to the taxpayer if they are getting more tax credits and childcare paid and paying little or no tax. I think it depends on the individual family. This government just wants everyone in work whatever the cost. 70% work anyway so those that don't probably have a good reason. I do think we should have more flexible jobs and not just leave kids in school 10 hours a day.

rebelmum1 · 18/07/2007 17:06

The cost to my dd is high and I need to be at home too.

rebelmum1 · 18/07/2007 17:07

why can't i have some money? I don't have any family to help.

eleusis · 18/07/2007 17:15

Of course they should get a job, and probably long before their youngest is 12 or they'll have trouble getting a job (due to being out of the owrkforce for 12+ years). Everyone can do something.

If childcare is unaffordable, then I believe the probelm is that:unaffordable childcare. But, if you work say 8 hours a day, you just need a couple of hours after school and that should be afforddable even on minimum wage.

FioFioJane · 18/07/2007 17:17

I am not a single mum but as a married mum it is often incredibly difficult to work when you have teenagers

why on earth is everyone so obsessed with WORK. The most important thing in the world is the welfare of your children, whether you workl or not and you should not be dictated to how to look after your own family

Desiderata · 18/07/2007 17:19

I think the government are very wrong on this issue, and have been for years.

They can't have it both ways: kids are running wild, (it's the parents' fault). Parents don't work (conventionally), (parents are idle). It's a crap, mixed message.

In the 60s and 70s, kids who were left to fend for themselves after school were called 'latchkey children.' By and large, they were looked on with sympathy.

And just what is a single parent supposed to do with school holidays?

Tortington · 18/07/2007 17:19

i think fio that no one would mind yu putting your childrens welfare first - teenager wise - as long as your not claiming benefits to do so.

i find it irritating sometimes.

eleusis · 18/07/2007 17:20

Actually, I should rephrase a bit. I don't care whether or not someone works so long as they don't expect some of my earning to support them. I just think they should work if they need the money to support themselves. I'm not talking about SAHM/Ds in general.

Mercy · 18/07/2007 17:20

And before school don't forget.

You can't assume that a single parent has been an SAHP for 12 years - or even 7 years as the Govt. wants to make it now.

It's not just a lack of good quality affordabale childcare, it's also about a lack of flexibility in the workplace - and poor pay of course.