What do you think - NCT article

[Bellie]

Did anyone read this earlier in the week?

I was just interested in your opinions on it. Me and DH have loved our ante-natal NCT meetings and have met some (hopefully) good friends through it when we did not know many people in our area with children.
I have found them to be non judgemental unlike the description in the article - are we unusual in finding this?

I had a bit of a nasty experience at 'get to know your local nct' open day, where it really was extremely cliquey and my very nice friend and I felt like we'd gatecrashed a private party. Extremely unwelcoming. However, I am very grateful for the NCT tea group I joined after ds was born as I met good friends. None of them are NCT activists, but if it wasn't for the NCT providing an umbrella group we would never have met and we are all very happy we did.

It could be that I'm cliquey and horrid and so are the lovely people I met - but if we are those things, I don't think the NCT should be blamed!

And actually, I think the NCT was a bit like MN in that I made friends with people I wouldn't have otherwise had the chance to meet in my usual (cliquey and horrid!) circles! (but tbh, all of us were 30 plus - no young or even younger Mums - and whilst not everyone is comfortable financially, or a home-owner, I would say our groups met a fairly middle-class stereotype)

at that other mother's comment Marialuisa, can hardly beleive some people. What a shame you couldn't have said her "Do you realise you just spoke that out loud?"

NCT, mother and baby groups, etc... it depends on your luck, I have never been to a NCT meeting maybe because I was a bit put off by the comments of two of its members, one told me that the meetings were in "these huge houses were the children could trash the house without anybody complaining about it!" , the other one was always a bit of a eco extreemist coming with questions like: why you are not breastfeeding any longer? do you know how polluting are disposable nappies?, you shouldn't use baby wipes but do your own with X and camomile, and my favorite, that her back ache caused by the sling was killing her but she was reluctant to get a pushchair as it was totally unatural, as you have never seen any other animal but humans carrying their babies in an artifact!!!!

I have had a bit of bad luck at my mother and baby group (very competitive), was thinking to join the NCT when I heard the comments above and although I understand that these persons are more likely not representative of what the NCT was, I just dreaded to spend an afternoon with these 2 discusing similar subjects.

Um, speaking up for Clapham NCT here... or actually for my NCT ante-natal group, I never actually joined the NCT itself. My NCT group were fab, was great to have that mutual support in those last few weeks when we were all the size of houses and for the first few months after the birth. I've since moved, and most of the group have gone back to work, but I really miss them and hope we'll stay in touch.

PS Twiglett, one woman in my 'Clapham' ante-natal group was from Tooting Bec. My best buddy, as it happens, but was v. jealous of her absolutely gorgeous house.

My sw london NCT group was hell - total one-up womanship. Knew I was in for trouble when turned up to first mtg in jeans and no make up and spotted 4 pairs of tres expensive leather trousers and prada bags. The idea of dh giving up work to look after ds was greeted as if I'd landed from Mars because after all, all their hubbys were bankers etc which is why they had a day and a night nanny and i had grey hair, lines and a bad attitude!

Too much like my all-girls school for comfort. But then maybe I'm just not a joiner?

Interesting...it seems like some of us think that the NCT is a refuge for eco mums and the others think it is too materialistic.

I think its probably just reflective of the middle class mums in the area. Round here there are NO eco mums, its all talking about house prices and clothes. I'm probably an eco mum (reusable nappies, make own bread, grow own food-very very smug, oh yes )-mainly because its the only way I can afford to go part time but also because I believe in it-and I've yet to meet anyone I think I connect with through the NCT.

I also think its REALLY REALLY cliquey. They're always going on about not many volunteers etc but you turn up and really, no one makes an effort to be friendly. They all go on about stuff that you know nothing about because you havent known them for ten years. I go to other parent and toddler groups, I think I know what normal friendliness is like-and round here, the NCT women really arent. Its like the Masons! Also, they're mainly about 5-10-15 years older than me, and they've had spiffy careers and have big huge houses...thats all fine, I just don't have much in common with them. Also they all seem to have been lawyers, merchant bankers, advertisers or whatever which is fine but I don't feel I've got much to talk to them about. And not many of them shop at charity shops-one woman I know said she never went to NCT sales as she didn't trust the quality of the clothes. She prefered to shop at GAP and NEXT. (Well I personally wouldn't shop at GAP or NEXT as I don't agree with third world sweatshops but believe it or not I'd much rather NOT shop at charity shops. I just don't have a huge amount of choice.). Absolutely no one there is a lone parent, comes from a family where no one works, does ANYTHING creative or interesting for a living (or probably otherwise) etc. But if you want to talk about loft conversions and wallpaper samples, go on down.

And they look at you funny.

...I suppose I've got a bit of a chip on my shoulder here...I'll just go back to my allotment...

I've had some good and bad experiences - I think it's the luck of the draw whether you are in an antenatal group with likeminded people, and there is bound to be overrepresentation of more 'monied' people in the area too - lots of people just do the free NHS parentcraft classes. I met a very good friend at the NCT antenatal group I attended when DS was born 4 years ago. We still meet despite being in different cities now and our boys are good friends. I just didn't click with any of the other women there tho - the fact we were all pregnant just wasn't enough to make it a friendship. When I moved here I found a lot of the NCT people I met through toddler groups were extremely cliquey and competitive - also very snide about working mothers. But I am grateful to NCT tea groups where I have again made two very good friends.

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As a postnatal doula, most of my clients attend NCT groups.... I find it all fascinating,... they do meet up a lot (sometimes too much and too quickly after the birth but that's another topic!)... I get to hear what the other mums are doing and saying.... there is a lot of competition even if it isn't labelled as such... my mums tend to be the most dedicated breastfeeders (most of the time) so they often comment on the other mums "having given up".... they don't realise it but they can be very judgemental... I can hear them talk about night sleeping patterns which is another cause for comments (and lies!).
So not entirely sure if it's all good... it's probably better for some mums than others.... it hasn't made me regret not joining one anyway.

I suppose it is easy to stereotype groups in general. Especially in Lodnon I think.
It must depend on the people who live around you. If you live in area that is growing/becoming gentrified as it were, then you are more likely to get lawyers and doctors and professionals if you go to the NCT. It seems that the people who have lived in an area for a while in London usually have less money and more menial jobs etc. It is due to the house prices I think.
Anyway, ramble over, I don't think it is an NCT problem, it is the fact that maybe where you live has changed while you were living there, if that makes sense.
I certainly could not afford to live where I do if I bought my flat now. My NCT group had somebody from the city, a teacher, hospital administrator and solicitor...don't really see any of them now, just lack of interest I think.
My friend's group all have a very close and a little bit scarey friendship. I am never invited to meet any of them with her, and find them all very self absorbed. I don't think that is the fault of the NCT in general.
Our teacher was a lovely person who was in no way judgemental and was very helpful and compassionate.

Well we've had a right laugh today pretending to be posh and rich and cliquey!

My group recently decided that those of us who have known each other for a long time are going to have nights out away from the NCT now so that we don't put new people off joining in with other things.

Its interesting that you think I'm a classic joiner, happy in groups. Actually in real life I have to put on a bit of an act at times as I'm really unconfident. I'm one of those people who don't like to impose themselves and am always analysing what other people think of me.

We had 2 new mums today and I hope I made them feel welcome, certainly one of them asked about volunteering. I nearly bit her hands off in eagerness!

Agree with Pupuce's remark about being under pressure to meet up too soon after your babies are born btw - found that impossible to do with my first-time NCT group.
Also agree that because of the logical circumstances NCT is going to be more of a long-term support to mums not currently in paid employment. Having spent about three years grumbling quietly about my own branches lack of activities for working mums, I have finally bitten the bullet and am organising my first branch SATURDAY coffee morning this weekend. Let's see how many people turn up, I am not optimistic, having fielded 0 phone calls so far

Our branch has never really found Saturday activities popular. I actually work on Saturdays but even before I did dh used to like to have me and the kids around as it was the only time he got to spend withus.

We have found mums nights in more popular. Everyone brings a supper dish and the host provides dessert.

I know, I know Julie [sigh emoticon]. I am sure the "precious time all together" factor will figure strongly, it does make sound sense. At least I tried, I guess! DADS were invited too...

Cor, wish you'd been in my NCT group Marina when I needed them, I'd have loved to go to a Saturday morning meet up with dh as well. Hope you get a positive response.

I felt a bit guilty after listing all the daft things I had heard at nct, so I thought I would list all the fab things nct have helped me with!! Just in case it has put anyone off going! (not in any order...)

1. I have got some fab bargains at the nct sales, clothes, toys etc
2. The breastfeeding helpline helped me when I was hormonal and crying. the person who answered the phone was fab - listened carefully, was not judgmental, and helped me carry on happily.
3. I met my three closest friends through nct; they are lovely.
4. the newsletter gave me lots of information that I used; such as where to find the playgroups, toy library and wellie bank. It also told me about yoga, swimming and music groups that have been fab.
5. through the local network I found out about preschools, play groups etc that I had no idea about.

So, it has been fantastic for me. and the funny mums could be considered a bit of light entertainment.