What do you think - NCT article

[Bellie]

Did anyone read this earlier in the week?

I was just interested in your opinions on it. Me and DH have loved our ante-natal NCT meetings and have met some (hopefully) good friends through it when we did not know many people in our area with children.
I have found them to be non judgemental unlike the description in the article - are we unusual in finding this?

No you're not Bellie. I expect Christina and her sources (friends, I bet) live in the sort of neighbourhood where EVERYONE is like that, not just the NCT members.
I live in a fairly untrendy London suburb and my NCT friends (AND my NCT class leader) were all cheerful and unabashed consumers of Pampers, formula, booze, real coffee, etc. No competitions of any sort at any meetings and no digs about my (having to) return to work or anyone else's situations.
Some journalists just write this sort of lazy "aren't I different and fun" nonsense to order.

None of my NCT friends were like the ones she talks about in the article. Well, some were but any group of women is going to have a wide variety of characters in them. I'm great friends with a number of people I've met through antenata. postnatal and NCT committee. I've met some I hate with a vengeance too but isn't that just life?

TBH, the artcle just sounds like the normal tripe that people write about the NCT.

I agree that all the mothers in her area are probably like that - so its unfair to single out the NCT. The mother and baby groups in my area (not NCT run) are like that too, which is why I don't go, but its not the fault of the groups, its just that there's so many mothers like that. On the whole the groups are a good idea just some people happen to live in a community of 'perfect' mothers so are going to run into them in any 'mothers' group.

My reply to this was printed today baby it's lonely outside

To be honest I think she has some major issues and the NCT is just another in a list of people/organisations who have failed her. Her previous article (where she openly called herself middle class) was railing about the failure of her midwives to see her baby wasn't feeding properly.

I actually hope that she is getting help becasue I do beleive she needs it.

JulieF, can't access your link as it says I need to register. Can you post it?

I read the letters about it yesterday - will read the article now! Have to say that no NCT people I know have ever made their own bread

i'm sure a lot of the NCT groups are great and really helpful for new mums but when i wanted to join an antenatal class i was told i had to bring a partner. So maybe they are non judgemental but not if you are a single mum to be with no friends nearby.

beansmum

message withdrawn

Ummm, I have to say that it's not dissimilar to the experience I've had with the NCT. Exaggerated for the article, perhaps, but certainly not way off-the-mark, IME!

Then again, I was living in a trendy part of Hackney at the time and all the NCT meets were in expensive cafes on Upper Street in Islington etc... Stopped going because a) I couldn't afford all those double lattes and b) got tired of feeling defensive about the fact that yes, I lived in a small flat, no, dh wasn't a lawyer/banker/conductor with the English National Opera and yes, I did have an epidural thanksverymuch and loved it

Of course, they were decaff lattes, natch. Breastfeeding, no caffeine, y'know!

Sir - The account given (Health, Sept 8) of the National Childbirth Trust (NCT) bears no resemblance to the fantastic group of friends I have made in my local branch.

I became involved in the NCT shortly after the birth of my daughter. I found myself at home alone with a new baby, and found the whole experience incredibly lonely. There seemed to be nothing much to do for mums and babies other than Sure Start schemes and, as I happened to live in the wrong postcode area, I was excluded from their activities.

The NCT, in contrast, welcomed everyone, regardless of age, wealth, postcode or how you fed your baby. As a bottlefeeding mum, I was very nervous of going to a coffee morning, but I needn't have worried. No one was judgmental at all (in my NHS ante-natal classes, they had made me feel like a leper for wanting to bottle-feed) and it was great just to chat to other mums and feel that I was not alone.

We are a mixture of mothers, living in a traditional working-class city, with a variety of incomes. Some chose to stay at home after the birth of their baby; others went back to work either part-time or full-time. During my second pregnancy, I again found support and information, and the non-judgmental attitudes meant that, that time round, I felt able to breastfeed.

From:
Julie Faulkner, Branch Secretary, North Staffs NCT, Stoke-on-Trent, Staffs

Personally I found some of the women in my local NCT branch to be totally cliquey and not at all helpful to new joiners. However there were one or two who went out of their way to give support and I ended up setting up and running the Bumps and Babies coffee mornings for two years until dd went to nursery school. I made some friends there, one of whom's dd is still my dd's best friend 7 years on. However I do feel that this was despite the organisation and I think it only works if you're confident enough to ignore the snobbery (which a lot of first-time mothers are not).

I was scared stiff of joining the NCT, I have to say, and never did.

It certainly seems that I have hit the jackpot with our NCT group! (or could I be one of the mums to be that the article describes .)

I have only found them to be supportive and welcoming and we have proper coffee at our meetings and we used disposable nappies for our changing demonstrations!

Will take it as I find it and enjoy the experience!

That article isn't representative of NCT as I know it, either. I agree with Marina that the people Christina mentioned would be like that regardless of whether they belonged to NCT or not. Tbh, what we/our dh's did was never really part of any discussion - it didn't seem particularly relevant.

I didn't get on with my NCT group as there was this assumption that everyones baby was going to nursery as that was best. They all thought I was odd for staying at home or using a child minder. They were also obsessed with their gina ford routines and some did cc at a few weeks old. Mostly they talked about the latest expensive thing they had bought. Someone I spoke to didn't go to classes because she thought they would be all earth mother types, I only wish mine had been a little more earthy!

Thanks for putting the link in Bellie - it made me laugh a lot! And well done Julie F for your letter - I had the same experience as you.

I have met such a variety of people in the NCT - some really scary ones and some lovely ones! I reckon you have to take any group full of women (especially hormonal ones) with a large pinch of salt. All the cliches are true though: I have heard the following comments at coffee afternoons:

1. Our (£500K) house is just so small we have to move to the country.
2. I would never microwave any food for children -I hand make purreed organic fruit and veg.
3. I like to make fresh bread each day, its so easy. And I like to grow my own fruit and veg on the allotment.
4. Only gap jeans fit my daughter.
5. Our nursery has chandeliers.
6. My child will be raised vegetarian until she can make the choice for herself.
7. People drink far too much these days (while at a rare pub evening, grumble grumble).
8. Gina ford is a lifesaver/devil (delete as appropriate)
9. My daughter has had her name down for this nursery/pre-school/private school since I was first pregnant. (all of those from different people).
10. I started work within a month of my caesarean.

All very annoying but far better entertainment than This Morning. And among all this were hidden two or three people that made the first couple of years of raising my child great fun and sane. SO worth it in the end!!

I'm not NCt - I did go along for a few bumps and babes meeting when I had a bump but never got round to going with my baby! I met up with a great bunch of women at the HV led First Time Mums group - we still meet up twice a week nearly 3 years later. I guess lots of groups are full of some people you like and some you don't want to see so much of - NCT or otherwise. Having said that, there were quite a few NCT Mums at my post natal yoga class (you see - I should be NCT ) and one day they were talking about the next meetup and they were discussing whether they should have vegetarian canapes or all meat ones.... puts our shop cakes into the shade really!!

newgirl, a comment I heard at an NCT group when I asked how people coped with the financial impact of having children was 'if it worries you, why don't you do a stress management course?'

But some of the people were nice, though.

My local NCT were very nice, but i have to admit they were a bit cliquey - but aren't any group of friends. Basically any mum, especially those not working, get themselves in to a little group. I think the thing to remember is that you only have babies in common to start with - you need to get to know the people for themselves, and that takes time.

Re Nct Groups, I think it is a combination between where you live, and luck really.
Didn't get on with mine as they were all stinking rich, and the conversations were very materialistic re baby to be.. (eg have you ever considered buying a Dior babygrow???! I kid you not!!)

main bugbear though is lack of C-section information.
It was dealt with as an any questions in my group, which considering the numbers of Caesarians is rather remiss.
Biggest joke, of the 8 mums to be , 4 ended up with a section!

Think the ones that I met last week are ok (well except some stupid cow who had read too much on the internet and was trying to scare the whole group!!) they all seemrd lovely.

My last group were ok too - all a bit older then me and deffo more judgemental and interested in how big your house was and stuff like that.

Can you believe this - DPs friend's wife (the one who I don;t get on with) actually got together with the rest of her NCT group and voted a mother and child out because they thought the child was a bully - can you believe it!!

4 out of 7 in my antenatal class had CS - one was elective. There was only one birth without any form of intervention (induction, forceps, ventouse, CS).

Have to say i went to one NCT meeting (post birth) and never went back. Group wasn't entirely like one described (not particularly wealthy or anything) but was nevertheless terrifying. I agree with the author's comment taht they appeared to be the sort of people who would form playground cliques...Am feeling a bit sore about "school-gate mums" after I overheard the mother of a little girl DD is very friendly with say that she wouldn't be inviting my DD to her little one's party because "the mother works so i don't need to know her.."