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Original poster

So when do you teach about "Stranger Danger" and "Good Touch, Bad Touch"

63 replies

ELF1981 · 05/07/2007 13:18

I had no immediate plans to teach my daughter anybody about stranger danger or good touch bad touch.
The recent debates in this section (though I would appreciate if this does not turn to a mud slinging event!) has made me ponder that if I have no plans to yet, when should I think about it?
She's only just turned 21 months old so I dont think she's anywhere near as capable of understanding.
I'm also kind of buring my head in the sand, because I think, when is she going to go off with a stranger, she's always with me/DH or the childminder, so I may be being naive in assuming that she doesn't need to know until she's older, like going to nursery etc when there is not going to be an adult solely looking after her iyswim.
So when do you teach these things?

OP posts:
Twiglett · 06/07/2007 13:18

TheSnack (TM)

bookthief · 06/07/2007 13:30

imo the important thing is, if the worst happened, to empower your dc to resist the "don't tell mummy or..." you will get into trouble/she won't love you any more/you will get taken away/it's our secret [insert child-abuser patter here].

My friend has worked with many children who were being abused by family friends/relatives. It's not common but it's a hell of a lot more common than stranger danger.

krang · 06/07/2007 13:30

I was only ever told 'Never go with strangers' by my mum. Not under any circumstances. She didn't go into any scenarios. But oddly enough, it worked.

When I was nine, a man tried to lure me into going down a path into some waste ground with me. He told me that his little boy had gone for a bike ride (clever - I was on my bike as well) and that he had fallen off and rolled down a well. He wanted me to come and help him get his little boy out.

So he was appealing to my good nature (I always tried to be a helpful little girl) and to the bit of me that loved adventure stories (Nine Year Old Heroine Saves Boy!). Also, he was an adult. Clever.

Luckily, I thought of all these things...and then I just thought 'DON'T GO WITH STRANGERS' and that was enough. I said no thanks and pedalled away.

Back home, I felt guilty. What if a little boy really had fallen down a well? So I told my mum what had happened and the police came round to talk to me. They were very nice. Turned out the guy was a well-known local flasher.

So sometimes, I think, the message doesn't have to be that complex.

Jacanne · 06/07/2007 14:10

With regards to the idea that they may get so scared of strangers that they don't approach anyone - there was that case in America (or Australia - can't remember) where a little boy got lost and it took them days to find him because everytime a searcher came close to him he hid - because his Mum told him not to talk to strangers. Obviously an extreme example.

pagwatch · 06/07/2007 14:15

Hi
I didn't think my son could cope with what was the difference between a good and bad secret - he was just told to tell me if anyone ever told him to keep something a secret. I knew exactly what my birthday present was for three years ! LOL

lemonaid · 06/07/2007 16:48

Off on a tangent, the policeman who used to come to my primary school and talk to us about Stranger Danger was (I kid you not) PC Strange...

SleeplessInTheStaceym11House · 06/07/2007 17:06

my 2.8 yo dd knows not to talk to strangers (she barely talks to people she knows unless i say so, not that shes scared just shy) and when she was potty training she started ,ahem. fiddling, and we've explained those are her private parts and she can only touch in private and its not for anyone else to touch unless wiping her (which obviously trusted members of family/friends do from time to time) I've not given reasons nor does she need any at her age but if i accidently touch her when picking her up she says loudly 'My private parts mummy!!' so i think she gets it for now!

cornsilk · 06/07/2007 17:21

My ds's know about strangers. Ask your chn what a stranger looks like. We did this at school. Loads of chn said they wore a big black cloak etc. I always say that a stranger is someone that they don't know, that most people are good, but never to go off with anyone.

MoosMa · 06/07/2007 17:26

Sorry I haven't read the whole thread but just thought I'd add that DD has just been given a book in the bookstart pack from HV (meant to 2yo) called Comeon Daisy. It's about a little duck who wanders off from mummy and gets scared, then she finds her again and is ok but never wanders off again. I thought it was quite a gentle introduction to this kind of thing in a non-scary way.

Original poster
ELF1981 · 06/07/2007 21:26

I remember about the little boy that was lost and hid because he wasn't allowed to talk to strangers. It (wrongly) made me giggle but after reading this I can see why he did that - its hard to get the balance between keeping them out of harm and making them trust nobody!

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tazmosis · 06/07/2007 21:47

I have told my DD who is 3 that she needs to stay where I can see her or she might get lost, I reinforce it regularly and she seems to be comfortable with the concept and doesn't ever go out of sight. I asked at nursery about how and when you should tell kids about stranger danger and apparently they touch on it from 2.5 - 3 onwards through stories and such like.

Re good touch/bad touch - I hadn't thought about it before, but I think I need to read that book...

Original poster
ELF1981 · 06/07/2007 21:52

"look at this

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Original poster
ELF1981 · 06/07/2007 21:53

nt got it myself but this is the site

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