*warning. Distressing* Mum leaves 21 month old in car

[Polymamas]

article here, it is very hard to read

I know this has happened before but what I don't understand is how she got in the car at lunchtime, with her DD still in the carseat, drove to a place for lunch, got back in the car and drove back to work without noticing her daughter.

If she didn't go to her car all day then I can see how it could happen. But how could you get in a car, out again, twice and not see your child?

It's so sad :(

It’s a very sad situation.. I really felt sad after reading that article.

I always remember my dad telling me that when I was a child (my mum had terminal cancer at the time) he took over the school run and a fair few occasions he would drop my older brothers at school and forget to drop me off and often not notice until he was at the office (apparently I was very quiet). He said he would park up at work get out the car and then notice I was still in the back seat.

Tinted windows.
Rear facing.
Overwhelmed busy mum out of her normal routine.

I can understand why it happens every so often.

All our vehicles have tinted windows. You can’t see in the back seats from outside. When my oldest (in his 40’s) was a baby we didn’t have proper child car seats. He rode up front and was hard to miss. My youngest (30) had a front facing smaller child seat which was right in the middle of the back seat. He was very visible from the drivers seat.

The rear facing child seats today really hide the child from view, but what can you?

Someone needs to invent a device to warn parents. Maybe something that forces you set an alarm when you secure your child in the seat and every time the driver’s door is opened an alarm goes off.

These automatic child safety locks that cars have here (US) really annoy me. Soon as you drive all the doors lock. People have died when they have had an accident and bystanders cannot open the doors to save them quick enough. One lady froze to death in the northern US when she stopped to pee or something on a lonely stretch of road. It was below zero F and she was locked out. Had nothing to break the window and froze to death.

Once driving down the M6, half way to the M1, I realised my son wasn't clicked in to his car seat. I drove at a sedate 50 miles per hour on the inside lane until I got to the next service station. Fecking terrifying. How could I have missed it?

My thoughts are with the mother and the family Please find it in your heart to forgive yourself. It can easily happen.

I read this just now in the paper - so sad! x

I get this and it terrifies me.

I forgot my baby who was asleep in her car seat. My friend who was with me jokingly said ‘you forgetting something?!’ What I find terrifying is that I really had and if she hadn’t been with me I have no doubt I’d have forgotten her. Needless to say it’s never happened since but I blame a mix of sleep deprivation and a change in routine. I feel for this woman she’ll never forgive herself.

Everyone should read that Post piece - it really stays with you. I read it a few years ago after someone linked to it on MN; when I go into the conservatory or get into the car in hot weather, and am hit by the wave of heat, I think of that article. When I forgot DS' PE kit a few weeks ago, because of a tiny difference to our getting-out-the-house morning routine, I thought of that article. It is such a powerful piece.

I agree about maternity leave in USA.
AL is very short there too.
When I worked there I got 10 days AL per year.
Anything more had to be unpaid leave.
Every single mother I worked with was leaving their child in day care from about 6 weeks old. People were using all their break time to express milk, barely any time to eat their own meal. That is why formula feeding is so popular.
Most people work shifts: 7-3, 3-11, 11-7. Parents work opposite shifts to work around day care. It is exhausting.

That poor woman obviously has a serious problem.

I once threw about 6000 euro in the rubbish without realising. I retrieved them later, but it wasn't really an accident - it meant something. This kind of thing rarely is an accident.

Absolutely tragic! My cousin works as a teacher in America and planned to have her two kids so they'd be born just after the school year finished so she'd have more time off. But of course she got lucky with fertility. She also had her mum who was retired to help with childcare. They also spaced the two kids so that one was in kindergarten when the second was born.

I've forgotten my child in the car numerous times. Thankfully she's piped up in the back and I've remembered she's there. I've twice got halfway to work before I've realised I should have gone to nursery first and had to double back. Poor woman and poor child.

Looking after an infant really is a full-time job, when you try and split your time and focus between too many things the risk of this sort of thing increases.

The really tragic thing is that you can get alarms to stop this happening.

www.fatherly.com/gear/gadgets-remind-parents-baby-left-in-hot-car/

I think it happens more n the US because

a) there are more people and most of them have a car
b) there are places where it is routinely as hot as we are experiencing.

In the UK it is so rare that we have a heatwave it is at the front of our minds, we are thinking about sunblock and BBQs and making sure children are not too hot/getting burned so it isn't a complete part of a routine.

A baby died last month in this way in Italy.

It's so frustrating that the technology is available but not standard. There's a prominent campaign here in Italy led by the father of a baby who died like this about 5 years ago to make these alarms compulsory for all car seats - an amendment was passed last year but it failed to become law at the last hurdle (I believe due to financial reasons, unfortunately). A new Chicco seat which comes with an alarm that alerts emergency services if not deactivated has received a lot of media attention recently though, and I hope other manufacturers will follow.

Obviously hot climates increase the risk, but it doesn't have to be that hot - a baby died last summer in Ireland when it was about 25 degrees, I believe.

Amazing no one else using the car park that day spotted her either.

It's possible people did spot her but didn't do anything to help. I've read threads on MN from people who've seen babies alone in cars and are wondering if they should call the police. There are always several posters telling them to mind their own business, calling them hysterical and "judgy", telling them that the mother will be upset if she returns to the car to find the police there... It seems there are many people who would simply ignore a child in those circumstances.

@DistanceCall well she has a serious problem now- her poor child has died and she is bereaved.

Not sure what you actually mean though?

It's possible people did spot her but didn't do anything to help.

Or the windows were tinted and they didn't see her.

So sad but I also don't understand how you could forget. Also, would the daycare not have phoned to ask why the child wasn't there?

I think it happens more n the US because

a) there are more people and most of them have a car

The size of the cars might play a role too. I might be stereotyping but I have a feeling massive four wheel drive cars are more common in the US. It’s be easier to overlook a quiet child in one of those than in a smaller car.

This is heartbreaking, though, and frighteningly easy to do.

I don't think any passerby would knowingly ignore a baby left in a car.

My neighbour had lively toddler twins. She used to take them for a little drive after lunch and they would fall asleep in their car seats and she would leave them there in the car upon the drive for a couple of hours, regardless of the temperatures.

To be honest I was a total busy body about it. She would argue they were fine, she would open the windows and put a towel over the front windscreen etc. It wasn't fine. Sometimes they would wake up and cry and she wouldn't hear and I'd go round and bang on her door again. A couple of times, on really hot days, I actually woke them up then banged on her door and told her they'd woken up. I was so glad when she stopped doing it.

I don't think any passerby would knowingly ignore a baby left in a car.

Do a search for "baby left in car" on Mumsnet. Any of the threads will show you how many people encourage the OP to just ignore them and mind their own business. That may well be what happened in this case - although given that the car windows were tinted, it's possible that no one saw the baby in the first place.

A schoolgirl invented a device to help prevent this for a school project . One of those springy plastic strings attached to your keys/self. Other end clipped to child, so you are unable to get out of car without your child. She didn’t market them, but publicised where to buy components and how to make them.

foreverymom.com/family-parenting/4th-grader-invents-device-so-parents-wont-forget-their-baby-in-the-car-sophie-rapson/

And if you forgot to clip that device to your child and something awful happened, what then?

Sounds like a recipe for strangulation or disaster tbh.