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Original poster

What do you tell your children about Madeleine?

74 replies

GiantSquirrelSpotter · 11/05/2007 12:47

This isn't aiming to be one of those gruesome speculative threads, but in the car this AM my DS(8) said to DD (5) "they're talking about that Madeleine girl, they're not going to find her, she's gone" and DD said "no, she's going to go back to her mummy"

They then went on to discuss something else, but I wondered what I would tell them if they ask me about this. How do you talk about this without scaring them? They've obviously been discussing this at school, or picked up from radio/ newspapers. I just wonder what to tell them.

OP posts:

SadSadSadSad · 11/05/2007 21:47

There have been 3 or 4 attempted child abductions within 15 miles in the last term or so, so we have already been very active at teh stranger danger, stay in sight side of hte story.

Earlier this week I was in hte changing rooms at my local leisure centre - less than 2 miles from the village of Rothley - the home of the McCanns when I heard a parent shout at the top of her voice

"Come back her - you know what happened to Madeleine don't you - do you want the same to happen to you like it has to Madeleine?"

Whilst it is important to ensure that DCs are made safe I felt this was very insensitive in the way that it was dealt with - particularly with this being such a locally agonising situation.

aintnomountainhighenough · 11/05/2007 22:04

My DD (4) hasn't picked up on anything which I must say I am glad about. However as Peachy said I am instilling in her that she must stay where we can see her and that she must stay with Mummy and Daddy. We are going on holiday on Sunday and to be honest whilst I am looking forward to it I am not as relaxed as normal.

MamaMaiasaura · 11/05/2007 22:07

I have managed to ensure ds has not seen this news story altho when turning on tv he saw her picture flash up and asked why she is on there. I simply said she is lost. I think it is best as I dont want him frightened. Children wont understqand that this really is an unusual thing to happen etc. I would prefer he didnt know/worry at such a young age.

MamaMaiasaura · 11/05/2007 22:10

btw he is aware of stranger danger and doesnt talk to strangers etc. He doesnt play out alone and is very consious about his safety. BEcause he is so consious about it all I really dont want to tell him all about this story. If he heard more about it or asked more questions then i would tell him more, but he accepted she is lost and is being looked for and that was ok for him.

mariel · 11/05/2007 22:38

dd1 aged 5.5 read headline that included the word "snatched"...then after that i am afraid to say she found me (after her bedtime) in tears about this - when she asked why i was crying i said it was because i was sad about the little girl who had gone missing, "you mean the little girl who was snatched?"
she also earlier had asked "are there bad people?"

jampot · 11/05/2007 22:43

ds school have been praying for her in assembly this week

fireflyfairy2 · 11/05/2007 23:39

My dd is a natural worrier. I had thought the teacher understood me when I told her dd needs to be handled sensitively

I would much much rather dd didn't have to know that people take little girls from their parents. She asked me at bedtime if she ever wandered off would we go home without her.

I wish the teacher had left well alone & left the decision to the parents whether or not our children were told.

Even if she had told them some kind of truth, instead of blaimg Madeleine for wandering off (although as there has been nothing contrary to this, perhaps this is what the teacher believes)

Flamesparrow · 11/05/2007 23:45

Oh FFF

DD doesn't know anything - she is too young though.

MrMariella · 11/05/2007 23:50

okkayyyy...how many more threads can be sucked out of this tragedy??

I can imagine a few, in a sick kind of way.

She really has launched a band-waggon, hasn't she????

ekra · 12/05/2007 10:04

This is exactly the type of story I try to shield my dd from (age 4) She doesn't need to know and worry about this. We don't watch live TV anymore and I turn the radio down when the news mentions Madeleine's disappearance.

I'm a little suprised that parents allow their pre-school children to have awareness of this story but understand that it is more difficult to shield your children once they are at school or around other people who talk about the news.

ThatBeetroot · 12/05/2007 10:11

My chidlren are a bit older so they do watch the news and know exactly what has happened.

I do a roe playw ith them and have fore a few years now

WHAT HAPPENS IF SOMEONE TRIES TO TAKE YOU:

we go through the scenario together - and they KNOW there is never a reason to leave with a stranger ever!!

Original poster

GiantSquirrelSpotter · 12/05/2007 12:04

MrM thanks for your constructive response. This isn't a rubber-necking thread it's a discussion about how to strike a balance in talking to our children about this sort of news story. You may know exactly what to say to your children. I don't, so that's why I've asked on Mumsnet.

OP posts:

Original poster

GiantSquirrelSpotter · 12/05/2007 12:07

ekra - it's much more difficult to protect your younger children from unpleasant news stories when they have older siblings. I have to deal with a lot more with DD (5) than I had to with DS (8) simply because he tells her everything (I suspect that this christmas I will have to deal with the "does Santa Claus exist?" question, because he will tell her he doesn't. Already last year he told me (and her) that he didn't, but he wasn't quite sure, it was a bit like saying Bum out loud. This year, I think he'll be quite certain and so he'll tell her. Of course, he's too young to understand why he shouldn't).

OP posts:

Jacanne · 12/05/2007 13:10

I did mention it to my 4 year old but didn't say that she was taken from her bedroom - I do regret it now though. I originally did it because she is very very friendly to everyone - telling complete strangers in the park her name and address etc - I thought it might help (especially as she has the same name)to explain stranger danger to her - I wish I hadn't now but she seems to be handling it okay.

LittleMouseWithCLogsOn · 12/05/2007 13:11

nothigng

boys said "Oh" and went back to playing

ekra · 12/05/2007 13:17

GSS - Yes, I appreciate that and in a few years time I will be in that position when my eldest is at school and my youngest able to absorb the 'news' that DD1 comes home with. I was more referring to people allowing their 4 year olds to watch this on the news.

anniebear · 14/05/2007 12:05

They were not told about it in assembly

other children in school had talked about it (I hadnt told mine anything at that point) which is how my DD learnt about it

Then in assembly during prayers, she was prayed for

Don't see the harm in that

IdrisTheDragon · 14/05/2007 12:11

We don't have the news on when DS (3.5) and DD (19 months) are around and so he hasn't noticed anythigni about it. Not sure how I would react when he is older.

kookaburra · 14/05/2007 12:39

We don't watch the TV news, but DS2 (7) saw it in the newspaper several days in a row!!!! and and asked about it. I did not want him to feel in unsafe in bed or on hols, becuase he is never in the situation that Madeleined was in so I told him the parents went out and left the window unlocked and the silly girl probaly wandered out, and that he should not wander off when he is told to be somewhere for his own safety. I said everyone thinks she will turn up safe soon.
I am not going to expose him to all the wild speciualtion about what might or might now have happended, and wish the newspapers would let it drop till there is some actual news.

expatinscotland · 14/05/2007 12:43

Nothing. They're nearly 4 and 17 months.

purpleduck · 14/05/2007 13:06

my daughter heard it on the radio when she was in the living room and i was in the kitchen. She came rushing in to tell me about it (that was the first day)! Can't keep stuff like this from them, they will hear it on the playground anyways

mamazon · 14/05/2007 13:08

My children are 6 and 2.8 so they don't watch the news.

if they ever asked i would answer as honestly as i think they could cope with.
that the little girl is lost and the police are doing everything they can to find her.

don't think its too complicated

PinkChick · 14/05/2007 13:11

dd was watching tv after dinner with me and dp the friday after she had been taken and asked what it was about cos they used 'Maddie' the same name as her BF from school...i said she was a little girl who had been taken away from her mummy and daddy when she was on holiday...she now every now and again say wont ever leave you mummy and is asking more regulary if i love her?, even though i tell her all the time.
she asks me every day if she is home yet and says she hopes she can go back to her mummy and dady soon.
she even asked her nursery school teacher if they could say a prayer for her but teacher(obv not wnting to explain it too all the children) said she should think about her when she was praying and teacher would be doing that too.
for 4yrs she is very aware and compasionate and im very proud of her for that

LittleMouseWithCLogsOn · 14/05/2007 13:12

we my ds3 equated him losing his reading book wiht it
i dont htink he has got it

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