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Original poster

What do you tell your children about Madeleine?

74 replies

GiantSquirrelSpotter · 11/05/2007 12:47

This isn't aiming to be one of those gruesome speculative threads, but in the car this AM my DS(8) said to DD (5) "they're talking about that Madeleine girl, they're not going to find her, she's gone" and DD said "no, she's going to go back to her mummy"

They then went on to discuss something else, but I wondered what I would tell them if they ask me about this. How do you talk about this without scaring them? They've obviously been discussing this at school, or picked up from radio/ newspapers. I just wonder what to tell them.

OP posts:
toomuchtodo · 11/05/2007 13:30

don't think your critizising at all, just stating a fact

Hillls · 11/05/2007 13:31

sorry sandcastles, didnt mean to jump at you. My dd was an obsconder she needed to know for her own safety.

Gobbledigook · 11/05/2007 13:31

ds1 is 6, ds2 4, ds3 2 - I tend not to have the news on with them around as I just don't think they need to be concerned with the big wide world and all it's ills at the moment. Now is the time for a carefree existence for them imo.

Don't have radio on in car either - mine have got 'Renaissance classics' atm

If it did come up (ds1 is a good reader so I guess he could see it on the paper), I'd be truthful and explain it.

sandcastles · 11/05/2007 13:31

She hates being out of my sight at the mo, the last thing my dd needs is to know people take children from their parents....however rare it is

MrsCarrot · 11/05/2007 13:35

Mine (9and5) hadn't mentioned it so I wasn't going to. However, there were reports of a man trying to persuade children at a school to get in his van about 20 miles away, so I thought a chat to reinforce stranger danger was necessary. I could see my dd looking scared as we discussed it but I honestly think if some one said they had some sweets or that we had asked them to get them she'd probably believe them, she's so trusting. It's hard to get the balance between them thinking the world is a scary place and being aware. I didn't mention Madeleine though. It didn't seem relevant to their security, the van conversation was enough. Horrible.

allgonebellyup · 11/05/2007 13:40

Told my dd all about it as she'd been talking about it in her class, she doesnt seem overly concerned, although this morning she heard on the news about the £1 million reward and now she personally wants to find the girl

allgonebellyup · 11/05/2007 13:40

She is 7 BTW

PeachyChocolateEClair · 11/05/2007 13:48

MrsCarrot are you in Gwent?

if not are these attemopts escalating or getting more coverage atm? Coz there were 2 in Gwent yesterday

SueW · 11/05/2007 13:53

DD is 10 and they are discussing it at lunchtime, between the children. They are hoping she has been taken by someone who wants a child because they have lost their own, from what I gather.

Apparently one of the groups in drama yesterday also did something which included a reference to this case and someone giggled which prompted a discussion involving the teacher.

DD remembers Holly and Jessica going missing and also remembers that wasn't a good outcome. DD was only 5 at the time.

MrsCarrot · 11/05/2007 14:22

no, peachychoceclair, norfolk, and it was on tuesday I think..

MrsCarrot · 11/05/2007 14:25

hard to say whether it's coverage or an increase in events. There is a copycat psychology I think?

anniebear · 11/05/2007 14:26

mine are 5 and heard about it at school

they prayed for Madeline in assembly

they cam home and then asked me about it, I just told them some one not very nice had took her and that is why I always tell them never to move away from me and why I always keep them by me

I tell them that in this world lots and lots of people are lovely but they are just some who are horrible and thats why they stay by me

they seemed fine by this

at the end of the day I suppose it depends how what your child is like, if they would be too scared to know these things

I use it to explain to mine why I have certain rules if you like

MrsCarrot · 11/05/2007 14:26

Didn't mean that to come across as scaremongering, sorry, bit freaked out by the local van thing though.

MrsSpoon · 11/05/2007 14:26

My DSs are 8 and nearly 5. They have both only seen a little bit of the news re Madeleine, DS2 didn't seem to take it in, but I spoke to DS1 and let him know he could speak to me if anything was worrying him about it, he just said "Oh it's OK Mum because when we were on holiday there was a fence where we were playing so we were safe" , I didn't enlighten him any further.

hana · 11/05/2007 14:26

I wouldn't be happy about my children leavaing aboaut it and praying in a school assembly I don't think

Hulababy · 11/05/2007 14:28

DD )5) hasn't picked up on it yet as far as I am aware. Don't think it has been mentioned at school, and we don't tend to see the news until a bit later on - and D is generally in bed by then.

If and when she asks I will talk to her about it, but not bringing it up myself unprompted.

pooka · 11/05/2007 14:31

Nor me Hana. But then my dcs are too young to be aware or to have heard anything about it.

Gobbledigook · 11/05/2007 14:33

I'd be annoyed too hana - parents would have their own way of handling it so it's not up to school to publicise it imo.

WigWamBam · 11/05/2007 14:34

I would also be very unhappy if my 5 year old was told about it in assembly. It's not for the teachers to decide whether children find out en masse about things like this.

wannaBeWhateverIWannaBe · 11/05/2007 14:35

I had sky news on when ds came back from the shops with dh on Saturday. he asked what was on and I told him that someone had taken a little girl. I then went on to explain to him that this is why I always insist he stays where he can see me. On sunday morning he asked if she'd been found and i said no, but he hasn't asked since. We've had letters home in the past from preschool about suspicious looking men hanging around and following a child home, and when the preschool staff handed out the letter they said it was "to do with stranger danger" and ds heard this and thus a discussion insued. But I've told him that most people in the world are nice but that we don't always know who strangers are so never to go with them as mummy wouldn't know where he was and would get worried.

MrsCarrot · 11/05/2007 14:44

praying about it in assembly? I would not be pleased about that.

foxinsocks · 11/05/2007 14:51

I told them the truth. They can read the newspaper billboards (we are right next to the High St). The 5 yr old asked vaguely (why has she gone missing), the 6 yr old asked in more detail.

I just said that she had gone missing from her room and they hadn't been able to find her. I didn't say that someone had taken her because they don't even seem to know that for sure (though I imagine it's the most likely scenario) although dd did ask if that was a possibility, so I said yes.

wannaBeWhateverIWannaBe · 11/05/2007 15:01

I would rather it was mentioned by the school, in assembly, than the kids making up their own versions of it in the playground based on what some of them may or may not have heard from parents/older siblings/the tv/radio. At least if school have mentioned it they can do it in a more sensitive way.

When I was at school, and I went to boarding school from the age of 5, so certainly no protecting children from the harsh reality of life, someone went missing or was murdered or something - I can't remember exactly, but I do remember another child telling us how this person had been murdered and cut into small pieces and buried somewhere ... a fact which some of the boys found wildly interesting, and which frightened the girls to the extent we didn't want to sleep, we were about 7 at the time I think.

clutteredup · 11/05/2007 15:09

we were at a service station last sunday where there was a silent tv screen with news 24 on. ds age 6 read the headlines so asked infront of dd1 aged 3 what it was about. we kept it simple, a 3yo was in a hotel room with her 2 little brothers and when mummy came back she was gone. he asked, why wasn't there a babysitter, so we explained tha mummy and daddy weren't far away and checked on them. why wasn't the door locked he asked, this started to get difficult as we left him thinking she had wandered off on her own and left out the fact that someone had come in, he's abright perceptve boy and ds1 hangs off his every word, the world is a scary place but they are constantly exposed to the media wherever you go, its hard to protect them from it all.

fireflyfairy2 · 11/05/2007 21:36

Well, after me posting earlier saying that dd did not know & that she didn't need to know....

we were in the car tonight & she was talking about the mile for maude tomorrow, I was telling her that Maude had brothers & sisters & that they miss her etc.. just general chat, then she turned round & asked me if Maude was the little girl that went on holidays & wandered away from her mum & dad

I asked her what she was talking about & she said her teacher told them that a little girl went on holidays with her mum & dad & wandered away from them & is now missing... I am livid. I want to say something to the teacher but don't want to be accused of burying my head in the sand..