I am so sick of all the rubber-necking that has been going on with regard to a recent and tragic news topic.

[Bubble99]

And all under the guise of 'concerned fellow-parent/s'

I met a mother at school today (never spoken to her before) who approached me and said ..'Have you heard about? What do you think about?' and the freak was almost smiling. It's as if this nightmare has become entertainment for some people.

There is a voyeuristic, collective sickness going on , safe under the umbrella of 'concerned parents.'

Yuk.

kookaburra, apparently the immediate family are not being kept informed at all.

'yes having a conviction is a different matter. '

Exactly. I think there also needs to a be an end to plea bargaining down for certain crimes.

For example, Peter Tobin was able to plea bargain down his charges after raping and sodomising a 15 and a 14-year-old girl and attempting to kill them both (tried to strangle the 15-year-old and then knocked them both unconscious and turned on the gas in the flat and left).

Because of this, he was released back onto the streets after only a few years.

Despite having a criminal record dating back to the 1960s.

He was convicted of the rape and murder of 23-year-old Angelika Kluk at the High Court in Edinburgh earlier this week and is now being investigated regarding a number of unsolved rapes and disappearances, including the Bible John murders.

why does altruism may people so uncomfortable? I care about this child - not as much as if I knew her or her family but I hope to hear she is found. I don't like the way the media covers it so I don't buy papers who sensationalise/ intrude on grief. Nor do I want to discuss it all day because my energy is better directed at helping children in other ways. I do hope to hear she has been found.

Kookabura, I think we do have one of the best police forces in the world, who do have experience of dealing with such cases.

Well I think I have made my feelings on this clear on a number of threads. But here you go .

The whole sorry situation has not only shocked me personally as I have lain awake and wondered how I would cope if this happened to dd2 (4), but I have also been disturbed and sickened by the press, the tv news (I actually cried when I saw those close up photos of Mrs McCann in the church LEAVE HER ALONE YOU FUCKING BASTARDS), other people I know in RL who are happy to speculate in the strongest terms about what may have happened to her, the way people call her 'Maddie' and don't even bother to spell her name correctly (somehow this is acceptable, because, of course, it is easier to fit Maddie into a headline), the hypocrisy and ignorance of people judging the McCanns, the futility of public displays of grief, the judging of others who do not wish to take part in these.

Anyway, as someone on another thread pointed out, I spend an awfully long time on mumsnet considering I have been recommending that people stop speculating and go and do something lovely with their own children - so I am off for a bit.

I don't think anyone is objecting to altruism and I also don't think it's very altruistic to get so emotionally involved that you make it about your own reaction to the news rather than feeling desperately sorry for the parents but getting on with your own life. IYSWIM. I honestly don't want to have a go at the people who say they are in tears and unable to sleep over this, just that there is another point of view that getting too over-involved doesn't actually help the parents and they are the ones at the heart of this crisis, not us mere onlookers, however frightening we find this case.

Everyone is entitled to their own feelings, we just differ in how we express them, I guess.

Who is 'making it about themselves' though?
I think people have been fiercely criticised just for saying that they find this story very upsetting and disturbing. That to my mind is normal. YOu would have to be totally without empathy not to care. Empathy is normal, natural and people without it are called psychopaths. As it happens, at the moment I wake up every morning hoping she has been found.
As for the media thing, I actually think the very last thing the McGanns want is to be left alone. They have largely driven the media coverage - because they want everyone to see their daughter, be aware of their daughter and not forget their daughter.

i LOVE ENID

Finding it disturbing and upsetting is normal, anyone who doesn't is odd, tbh. But some people have been getting really over-wrought (sp?) and criticising anyone who isn't weeping and wailing for being 'insensitive'.

You see, I just don't see that. I think some people are perhaps a little over-fascinated, and that can seem heartless. But if it is not normal to be moved by the plight of a tiny child who has been snatched from her bed by god knows who, then I don't know what normal is. I think to suggest that it is impossible to have any feelings whatsoever about people you don't personally know is not just wrong, but mad.

Completely agree with Aloha. Spot on.

And I honestly don't think anyone says they feel the same as the poor suffering parents. That would be equally mad.

It's normal to have feelings but it's possible to get it out of proportion. Seemed to me the speculation about what had happened to the poor girl was a bit distasteful and there were posts on some threads which seemed to be extreme reactions about how badly it affected people who don't know this family. Almost 'me, me, me, look at MY suffering'. But I'm possibly wrong on that one.

i hate all the up-dates and i find it distasteful that they keep going on about her not being found.

my fear is that now it's been a week, it's unlikely that they will find her and that makes me sad.

i want to hear that they have found her and until then i wish they would shut up and let the police get on with their jobs.

She's white, blonde, pretty, middle class, probably wears Boden and is on a Mark Warner holiday so obviously people identify more with it. We can picture ourselves in the same position which is not so easy when we look at the X thousand children starving today in Africa or married at 11 in India or all the other awful things that happen to children every day.

But it will be out of the news shortly. These things always are.

I wish we knew what makes some people interested in the kind of thing she may have been taken for, if we could genetically test for it, breed it out etc.

Xenia, sex offenders aren't born they are made by our society.

just a point on being able to travel and retaining passports

It's so the police know where they are. If they travelled illegally they could go underground easier. This way it flags up where they are

very easy to get fake id.

Even easier if they have had their passports taken away and more incentive too

Connie, I doubt that. I expect they are as likely to be born like that as much as people are born gay. There have always been people who want sex with children since the Ancient Greeks and earlier. If we could find the reasons and get rid of it it would be safer for children.

Oh look, its turned into another 'rubber-necking' theread.

i'm hesitant to write on this thread, as i normally like to fence sit, but i strongly agree with the main sentiments of it. i think what happened is awful but it is like when those 2 little girls holly and jessica were killed - everyone sending flowers. it is sentimentality. the majority of us are guilty of it. i once read in a newspaper article that when things like this go on, many people use it as a means of "experiencing" something without having to go through the actual horror ourselves. it was the same with 9/11. i'm just as bad - i watched that over and over again but i am not proud of it. we got an e mail last night about the current story from people we hardly know. what do they hope to achieve?

I have never really taken an interest in dreadful news items before. This time is different. A little girl is missing, exactly the same age as my son. It's a case of 'there for the grace of God go I'. I am white, middle class and go on MW holidays. I'm sorry if I offend people by saying this, but I would rather my child were killed, for example in a car accident, than went missing without a trace. I would cope better. I have sent emails as it is the only thing I can do to help reunite Madeleine with her parents. It has eased my feeling helpless.

actually wish i hadn't posted the last post. It does seem like speculation when i was actually thinking of some of the Eastern European [totally innocent] workers i know who work on fake id and passports. not meaning to speculate about anything else.