Yet another article re: why mothers should return to work

[boogiewoogie]

Just snatching a couple of minutes during a coffee break, will come back. What do you think of this?

I think the reality is that if you step out of a particular "market" for a number of years (whether to stay home with children or for another reason, such as living overseas), the reality is that it is hard to get started again. But I do agree that if we were all motivated by what was financially and economically best, you'd never have children!

i can earn significantly more money that my DP but I chose to stay at hime because i want to. Although he often suggests it and sometimes i do feel guilty that im the one to stay home but its bloody hard work so i dont feel that bad.

"but surely you don't have a baby and think "I'd better get back to work full time incase my marriage breaks up?"" Yes, sensbile mothers do that which is partly why most mothers work. Particularly if your own mother was divorced or bereaved etc you realise it's silly to take the risk and see all the other benefits of forging an interesting career and contributing to this country in a meaningful and economic sense.

Funny that men don't take the risks many of you lot seem happy to make. Your husbands won't take the risks but you will? Doesn't that seem a bit strange to you?

I must be niave then in the eyes of the author of this article

or how about happy with my decision and dealing with the financial pitfalls day by day?

"I interpreted it as an insight/reminder into the realistic likelihood of ending up as the sole provider for a whole family with the huge pressures that this brings to an individual plus the emotional/pyschological pressure it exerts on family life."

And then along comes a child with a severe disability and any plans you've made disappear. You can't financially plan for every eventuality. We've planned for our mortgage to be paid off and for some lump sums if either of us dies, but there are 10001 things we won't have planned for as we can't.

I always find articles concerning having children and some life plan surrounding a career to be other planet from my life. It's very easy for your career to mean jack all when suddenly some assumption (such as "oh my children will grow up and be responsible for themselves from age XX". not in this house). Agree with HW.

Xenia, my Mother and Father divorced, it hasnt made one iota of difference to how I see fit to bring up my children. it is not YOUR ideal, but I dont care. I live my life for ME. Who says your way is right and mine is wrong, or vice versa?

For some of us life is not about finances and material things, its about love and 'getting by', whether we have to work or choose to work or not

I think there are a number of WOHM with SAHD on mumsnet Xenia. It's not 100% but its not unheard of. I also know several families where the husband works away for 6 weeks at a time, then is home for 6 weeks at a time. That makes it hard for the woman to work (but usually attracts a tax free salary which helps).

Life is full of risks. If you don't take any risks, life is generally very dull. People manage those risks as best they can, and marriage is a way of managing the risks inherent in having children - one person earns, the other person cares.

If you are so risk averse that both carry on earning full-time, then families no longer care for their own children. That is a very risky scenario for society.

And I mean no harm to those families where both adults must work to survive. I am just sorry that that is the case.

Xenia, can't be bothered rising to the bait you like to set out!

Is it groundhog day?

it sure is!

Life insurance might pay off the mortgage but if you are a SAHP there are still all the day to day living costs to be borne.

I figure the chances of marriage breakdown are MUCH higher than the chances of a parent dying.

I'm just not convinced that everybody who has decided that being at home is more important than "the money" (there is so much more to it than just money) has fully considered the future because the content of that article is almost a taboo subject. It's certainly not been discussed at any parental gathering I've ever been to and that's why I applaud that article for being very honest. I don't see it any more scaremongering than a life-insurance company representative's sales patter.

I see lots of (very supportive) threads for mums in personal distress because of reduced circumstances. Does no-one think there but for the grace of god go I and wish they hadn't given up their earning potential so completely. 30 years hence will no one be advising their daughters to think about the consequences and do the real sums factoring in probabilities of unpleasant outcomes when deciding whether work is a viable option after maternity leave ?

Perhaps it's one of those mumsnet phenomenon just like the fact that on MN, SAHP's decided to do it because it was best for their children not because they didn't particularly like their job to start with.

If a SAHP is happy/secure with their personal reasons for not returning to the workplace then so be it . I read plenty of articles implying that I am gambling with my children's well-being by continuing to work (and I don't feel patronised) but an article pointing out the gamble taken by those who do embrace giving up working outside the home, well "good heavens", "how patronising".

Suppose I ought to do some work now.

No offence intended

oh I missed finshing my sentence earlier. Occasionally big assumptions are blown out of the water by things that happen in life. Such as having a child who will always be a dependent. Career choices etc then often don't mean very much. Practical things like knowing that there will never be any care for your child after 3.15 and never during the holidays make working extremely difficult. It's life, it happens and people cope. But any amount of planning wouldn't have made the blindest bit of difference.

well i presume if your mortgage gets paid off, you can actually sign on if you have no other income. Not an ideal, but that is what the welfare state in this country is there for

"but surely you don't have a baby and think "I'd better get back to work full time incase my marriage breaks up?"" Yes, sensbile mothers do that which is partly why most mothers work.

IMO it's not sensible, it's very sad, to consider your marriage breaking up before it's barely started. Aren't you setting yourself up for failure by starting with that attitude?

We don't all end up divorced so we're not all misguided are we?

some of us are obviously romantic fools

I agree with you Anna8888

Our repayment mortgage no longer requires us to have life insurance. It did when we first took it out but after a few years we were notified that it was no longer compulsory.

thank God for that!

the world is cynical enough

It makes no difference whether my husband is here or not. I still would have to be at home until 8.50 am and from 3.30pm to care for my severely disabled child. Any amount of bleating on about the importance of my career wouldn't make the blindest bit of difference. Some life circumstances can't just be fixed by a change in attitude. And I think when you have children you should take into account that you take the risk that you might end up with more than you bargained for.

We've got a repayment mortgage but we still have life insurance and critical illness cover. Too many young people around me have died for me to not have this - I worry about that far more than I worry about getting divorced. I know my husband would still support my children should we divorce but a dead husband can't do that.

Yep we have life insurance and critical illness cover as well. We also have enough so that if I die dh does not have to work full time - because we know that if I go he can't- he'll be the one responsible for the severely disabled child coming home on the bus etc etc.

Grrr maybe people feel the article is patronising, because they have considered many of the fininacial issues in it.

We have a lot more in common as mothers than people without children, for sure. Many women and men choose not to have children. I am put off men who don't have children because I think that's one of the biggest gulfs there is - between parents and non parents whether you work or not.

I was surprised by the thread's title. I would had estimated that 19 out of 20 articles are anti-working mother, not vice versa.

Well you need divorce insurance more than any other insurance though. That's your greatest risk. In theory legally as long as he earns enough to keep two homes and two families you'd be okay but that is rarely the case. Most divorced women in the UK end up in poverty. It's why we have so many children being brought up in poverty and in a sense they call caused that by putting the trust and love and faith in men who abandon them later.