Yet another article re: why mothers should return to work

[boogiewoogie]

Just snatching a couple of minutes during a coffee break, will come back. What do you think of this?

controlfreaky - I keep thinking that - I am a SAHM of three, I don't get much chance to be on here during the day, yet Xenia seems to be on here all the time.

How does she do it???

nk - right you are - i am not too bad at financial planning have sorted quite a lot for ds already

It's funny how often "dirty nappies" are used as a catch all phrase for the awfulness of looking after children. They're the easy bit surely, the bit you don't even think about after a while.

I mean there is so much that is truly dreadful it seems odd to focus on the bit that's no trouble.

you sound frustarted and angry Xenia - maybe I am reading you wrong - but although much of what you say is true it is not the whole picture - sacrifice for the good of the family is something people do all the time - for good reason - if 'mother' nature didn't cdesign us to have overwhelming need to be close to our young then we would be screwed as a species - of all the mammals our babies are the most helpless for the longest time. That doesn't mean I am going for the mother theresa medal here - I expect a lot from dh and we don't always get what we both want all the time - such is life. My children are not going to remember all the bum wiping and breastfeeding and co-sleeping and fingerpainting but I still know that for me it is the best start I can give them - when they leave home I hope they will be confident, responsible and secure that is all I want - allany one wants for their children - inc. you i know. How we get there is different.
I don't think that the unfairness of the employment situation is enough to make me panic and think my god what a mistake to leave my work. If I had things my way we would be paying more taxes and valuing the contribution of carers and parents and supporting allthe different family units that exist - I don't so all I can do is make sure my children are raised with my values and for me that means I have to put up with a lot of boring shit and frankly a lot of real shit - our situation is not ideal but it is as ideal for our family as we could make it.

i think she gets the nanny to be her ghost writer during the day - lol

Procrastinator - is it sacrifice though? Surely not if a woman wants to do it. Choosing the path that makes you happy isn't a sacrifice.

.... or has a computer programmed to respond from random selection of prepared posts when it locates anything remotely to do with wohm / sahm......

I agree with the sacrifice thing. When you love someone or something that deeply, it is not sacrifice, although I think I know what procrast is trying to say

Working full time and breastfeeding/co-sleeping not impossible to do. I'd even fit in a bit of fingerpainting if I didn't think DS2 would eat it and DS1 would refuse point blank.

Oh how I love teasing DC and Xenia !

nk I mean financial sacrifice or career - not in the sense that you necessarily regret it but that you have made a decision to not relentlessly pursue your career - 'I could have been head of street management in transport for london now if it wasn't for you meddling kids!!' I could mutter under my breath while removing wetwipes from dd's mouth (she likes to eat them!) - iykwim

mmmmm not sure i can rise above finding it very irritating to see the same stuff wheeled out again and again and again.....

that is true hunker - i think it is very possible and i admire every single one of the women who have managed it - it doesn't work for everyone though due to nature of job, long commute, etc, like i mentioned on the other thread

what we need are Scandanavian type creche things where babe is right next door all day, so you pop in and feed baby from the source, no need to express or rush off home, etc, esp. good if babe is only 6 months old

I think instead of all the bloody sniping each camp does at each other, we should be trying to make it easier for women to stay at home with their children if they want to, or return to work full or part time if they want to.

No? It can't be beyond the wit of so many intelligent women to come up with a new way of doing it, can it? At the moment we have expensive childcare, limited options for MOST women, businesses aren't child-friendly in the main and all most women can do is bitch about the ones who do things differently.

FFS!

i am still just about new enough not to feel jaded and battleweary yet... give me time

Ooh you know, I think it one of my greatest successes - to get paid a small fortune of MNetting all day

However, Xenia probably charges by the quarter hour - but maybe she just nudges the clock on to the next 15mins while she gets in a quick MN fix

oh procrast - those beardy men with sallow yellow skin - how could you even be tempted to stay home when you could have gone back to them ? i had the pin stripe suit "swinging dick" variety to go back to, the sort that think tits are for fondling not feeding.

procrast - i have really enjoyed reading your posts here by the way, a breath of fresh air, i could tell you were sort of new

excuse my bad language too, you get used to it after a while

lol at dirty nappies being no trouble. They were no trouble at all til DS started rolling and crawling all over the shot - now they're a nightmare!

the child will not remember it but I will! and when I am on my death bed I will remember all the days spent having fun with my child rather than the days at my desk! what can I say I used to like my job now it disappears into insignificance compeared to my DD. it doesn't mean that I won't be doing anything else but why couldn't she be the most important thing? (oh god I never believed I could say things like that - me the feminist independent one - my mum would be shocked!)

If you want to work work! If you'd rather stay home and play with the kids and you can why should you be crucified??? do not understand.

here we are again... the same old, fighting against eachother rather than supporting and understanding and let live. why??

xenia, I agree with you most times but I do not understand whu you are so passionate about this suject alone!! can you show us how a good private school education, a good and fulfilling career and all that comes with it enriches the individual please???

yr - i blush - thank you - i enjoyed your posting too - see there is sisterhood on mn

Pippi - actually, I think that being able to pay for a good private school is enriching for one's children (though very far from being the sole potential source of enrichment - I think parents have much more to offer than institutions) and having a fulfilling career is a lovely but rare thing that not everyone on this planet can aspire to.

Where Xenia falls down is that she is constantly banging on about her own life model and how every woman on the planet should be following her lead when, by her own admission, her marriage failed and her former husband (for whatever reason) doesn't even want to see his children AND she doesn't enjoy spending much time with her own children.

Personally, however much or little money I had made in my life, I would regard that state of affairs in my family as an abject failure and I wouldn't dare offer it up as an example to anyone. It's a materialistic, not a feminist, model and Xenia should be ashamed of herself.