Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
News
Original poster

I love him but not his kids - from Saturday's Guardian

60 replies

puddle · 14/03/2007 15:25

I was quite shocked when I read this article and thought there might be a thread on it - as there isn't I am starting one.

If I was the mother of this man's children I would be very tempted to insist that this woman does not spend any more time with them. I am sure that these feelings are fairly commmon - what upset me is that she has put those children in a position where they would know this is how she feels about them - the oldest one is nine.

article is here\link{http://www.guardian.co.uk/family/story/0,,2030147,00.html}

OP posts:
Original poster
puddle · 14/03/2007 15:26

Try again

here

OP posts:
Original poster
puddle · 14/03/2007 15:26

Try again

here

OP posts:
hana · 14/03/2007 15:28

I thought the same. She need to grow up, sounded quite selfish. Kind of along same lines as the granny that wrote an article ( also for guardian not long ago) lamenting the fact that she was a granny and didn't want to be one

soph28 · 14/03/2007 15:28

I read this too and hated it. I understand that it must be very hard to look after someone else's children but if you get involved with a married man who has young children (which IMO I don't think you should) then I think you have to accept the children as part of him and learn to love them too. If you can't or won't do this I think you should walk away from the beginning. It's not fair on the kids or the dad or anyone for that matter!

Clary · 14/03/2007 15:32

Yes I was quite shocked at this. If you look at the story, she started an affair with him when his youngest child was just a baby. She must have known his children would feature heavily in his life. I guess she knew when she met him that he was married and had children. My DH is a big football fan (not the same I know) but I take on board that when I married him I married Rotherham Utd.

I too felt very for the children. Also how bizarre - to be jealous of yr husband cuddling the kids. Couldn't get my head round that.

Original poster
puddle · 14/03/2007 15:32

Also I can't get my head around how this man can be with a woman who moans about his children over two pages of newsprint.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 14/03/2007 15:32

He's a tit, too. I couldn't go out with someone who rabbited on like that about my kids.

FFS, grow up!

I couldn't handle someone else's children before I became a mum, so I didn't get involved with men who had them and when I found out they did, I broke it off.

Because it was MY problem, not his kids'.

Original poster
puddle · 14/03/2007 15:33

You put it so much better though expat

OP posts:
soph28 · 14/03/2007 15:39

exactly!

Mumpbump · 14/03/2007 15:40

Sorry, but I disagree. I am very fond of my dsc, but would never say I "loved" them. I am not one of their parents and would never expect them to love me in a parental way. At best, I simply hope to be their friend. I would certainly like to think that we will keep in touch should anything happen to dh, but "love" would be too strong a word. And I don't think my dh expects me to "love" them in that sense.

Actually, I was very taken aback when his ex said to him "well, X obviously loves the children." Never even entered my head! Mind you, I guess it depends on your definition of love to start with...

expatinscotland · 14/03/2007 15:42

Imagine how his ex-wife feels. She's probably telling her daughters, 'Every woman's Prince Charming is someone else's asshole.'

He left his marriage for this selfish cow.

Says volumes about the kind of man he is.

suejonez · 14/03/2007 15:42

my discomfort was not over whether she loved them or not mumpchump - agree that you don;t necessarily need to love your step kids. But she seemed to actively dislike them from the article and resent them being around which is a bit rich when as was pointed out she had an affair with a married man with small children.

suejonez · 14/03/2007 15:42

my discomfort was not over whether she loved them or not mumpchump - agree that you don;t necessarily need to love your step kids. But she seemed to actively dislike them from the article and resent them being around which is a bit rich when as was pointed out she had an affair with a married man with small children.

Mumpbump · 14/03/2007 15:47

Skim-read the article and missed the bit about him being married when they met. I strongly disagree with that and I do agree that if you get involved with a man with children, you go into it open-eyed and have to respect their child/father relationship. At the end of the day, I figure a child will always need its parent more than an adult will need their partner...

littleolwinedrinkerme · 14/03/2007 15:55

God what an awful cold hearted selfish woman - she should have thought about than when she started having an affair with 'a married man with kids'. Good - I'm glad she feels like this, serves her right. I just feel so sorry for the kids and ex wife - imagine how she feels when the kids go to stay with her weekends etc..

Lazycow · 14/03/2007 15:55

I think there are some times when honesty is not always the best policy. It is always best to be honest with yourself and also if possible with a friend or in a safe place (maybe try counselling?) but to tell all in such a public way is selfishness in the extreme.

I'd have thought it was quite normal not to love your step-children. However, those children have had enough upheaval and enough adults tell them they are 'not good enough', becasue let's face it many children who have parents leave believe it is their fault even if they told it isn't.

In this case it is particularly distasteful since the step-mother was involved in the marriage breakup and has to bear some responsibility for that.

expatinscotland · 14/03/2007 15:56

Young children, too.

Really young.

expatinscotland · 14/03/2007 15:57

I've gone out with men whose fathers left their wives to marry women like her.

The end effect it had on these children, who grew into men, was really sad.

Greensleeves · 14/03/2007 15:57

It is disturbing, this. If they were my children I would be really against letting their father have them overnight if his partner had this attitude.

She comes across as a spoilt, emotionally underdeveloped daddy's girl. Not attractive at all.

Original poster
puddle · 14/03/2007 15:58

I notice she's a freelance radio presenter so perhaps it's more a a career move

I completely agree lazycow. I think some SKs probably are hard to love and that you probably don't feel the same as you would for your own children. It's being so open about it. It's chilling actually.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 14/03/2007 16:00

'It is disturbing, this. If they were my children I would be really against letting their father have them overnight if his partner had this attitude.'

Sounds like that's part of her grand plan, though, especially from the opening gambits of her article.

Brangelina · 14/03/2007 16:01

Going against the grain here, but I can understand some of where those people in the article are coming from. I knew my DP had a child before getting together with him and didn't think that was a problem at the time. It isn't until you actually live the situation that you realise what's really involved. Admittedly much of it at the beginning (in my case at least) was the way my DP handled the situation, he took for granted so many things without taking into consideration that there was another person now in the equation, plus the ex's behaviour didn't help. It wasn't really about the kid then but a lot of resentment did build up. Now several years later I have chilled about so many things but am totally indifferent to my SS, we just don't click. I'm nice to him, make sure he's fed and warm but I feel absolutely no affection for him. He's not my child so I don't see why it's perceived to be automatic that I should love him. I adore my best friend but I don't love her child, but no one ever gets up in arms about that.

I'm curious as to how many of you making disparaging comments about the lady in question are actually step parents? BTW, I've also been a step child but I'm pretty sure my stepmum doesn't love me, nor did I ever expect her to.

doggiesayswoof · 14/03/2007 16:01

She does sound selfish - but surely that's the whole point? She is saying there is 'support' and understanding out there for every other element of a broken family but not stepmothers. Also I disagree that she is overly negative about the children - she says she likes them and enjoys their company.

Far better this than pretending to be their mum - children can see through false expressions of love a mile off.

NineUnlikelyTales · 14/03/2007 16:03

And then she felt the need to set up a support group so that other selfish bints like her could moan about how jealous they were that the children cuddled 'their' partner.

It's not that you have to love, or even pretend to love, someone else's children - but it's just appalling to have your name and photo in the paper saying how much you dislike them and wish they weren't there. Those poor children

Original poster
puddle · 14/03/2007 16:04

I'm really not judging her feelings brangelina. I just think it's vile to make an industry of them, especially when the children are old enough to find out about it.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread