Elderly most at risk of theft by own children

[paulaplumpbottom]

\link{http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2007/01/30/nelderly30.xml}

I thought this was disgraceful.

Sorry useless at the links.

What did I do wrong?

here

here

the story doesn't surprise me in the slightest

ah beaten to it

Sorry Blondie

Thanks!

I think its awful! How could anybody do that to their parents?

Oh I can well believe it. SIL has been in charge of her and DH's dad's card for years, she is always popping into Tesco for him, one bag for him lots for her. She controls his money completely, I actually had a verbal fight with her on Thursday which was interesting.

She buys all the presents for him, such as giving us £20 per dts for Christmas and her son got an x-box from the grandpa. She has also taken most of their mothers jewellery, near enough soon after she died a couple of years ago. Dh was upset about this. There is also a cheque for £1400 that she went nuts over because I had told FIL I would bank it for him, I handed it back and god knows where that money went.

But there is another side to this kind of thing. My mum and auntie took joint charge of my gran's accounts, making sure everything was paid for, doing her shopping and paying bills etc. Unlike FIL my gran did need lots of help. Unfortunately my auntie died from a heart attack and within months my mum was accused of stealing from my gran. She hasn't spoken to her family since but it hurt her greatly, the ones doing the accusing of course were the same ones who moved into the house when gran was taken into care.

Families and money do not mix.

Thats awful TwoifbySea. Would your DH not say anything?

It is very sad. It is also very sad when it 'goes the other way'

My mother has dementia. My brother invested her oney for her to maximise her income. He was utterly honest and all the interest went into my mother's account.

When my mother was becoming paranoid in the early stages of dementia I would get daily phonecalls where she would rail that my brother had 'robbed' her, that he had stolen all her money. I'd spend hours talking her down, and the next day it would happen all over again.

It was horrific.

Thats so sad Martin.

Surely there should be an agency where the elderly can go and get help. Care homes aren't going to do anything because they want the money.

it has happened in our family

The trouble was that at that stage my mother couldn't 'hold' information for more than a few minutes. So you could show her the bank statements and she would see that the money was there, but the next day the same paranoia could come back.

She took to hiding her money in rolls of cash around the house! So dangerous. She would go out with £200 in her purse. It was a nightmare. And at the same time she was living in the 1950s in her head and wouldn't belive how much things cost, and was convinced that shop keepers etc were swindling her.

It was so horrible to deal with, and so dreaining to have the same paranoid conversations night after night. Most times she woyuld end up shouting at me and slamming the phone down, because I wouldn't agree with her.

She would have been just the same if a government body had her money in trust. She just wasn't compos mentis at that stage

I'm so sorry, that must have been awful for you.

paulaplumpbottom (great name btw and not just because I share your first name and also have a sizable bum!) SIL is impossible to talk to, she sees any money she takes as "payment." She also used her parents as a 24 hour babysitting service when her ds was younger.

I have elderly parents, I could not live with myself if I didn't deal honestly with their affairs, I also wouldn't dream of telling them what to do with their money or take control of their bank details.

I suppose once again it has to do with respect and lack of it in those who would steal from parents who would probably have helped them out anyway.

Thats just it TwoifbySea I can't help but feel like these people think its ok to treat their parents like children. Worse than that.

Has your DH consulted a lawyer?

He just wants to keep away from them and I have to respect his decision despite what I think. I did lose the rag with her last week though and it felt quite good to tell her exactly what I thought of her despite feeling a bit grubby at getting down in the mire with the pigs (as the saying goes.)

I couldn't let someone do that to my Mom. It must be hard for your DH though.