Single parenet benefits proposed to end when youngest child is 11 rahter than 16

[uwila]

Oh this will be popular round here.

here

Oh, when it comes to "find yourself a hubby" not that many full-time wages are actually sufficient to support a dependent adult as well as a dependent child. A few decades ago, women were routinely paid less than men for the same work because men allegedly deserved/needed a 'family wage' - never mind that this was paid to men whether or not they had children - or indeed wives - and not paid to women because if they didn't have husbands then it was their fathers/ job to support them. So are some posters advocating a return to wage discrimination? And how to award it this time - so many points added for having children or adult dependents (because, after all, it's not the Government's job to look after your elderly, senile parents who have paid 50 years worth of national insurance, is it?)... so many points deducted for being gay (because you won't/shouldn't/can't have children and the religious muppets get ever so upset if the government suggests that lesbians and gays are human)...
Suggestions, anyone? As I said before, the difficulty remains. Children need an adult to care for them. The adult caring for the children needs a living income. What's to do?

I thought most women on this board in effect found a husband to support them and then gave up work. I thought it was standard practice for most women on this planet sadly still. The man works and you give him sex and mind his children. So I don't think my suggestion of husband finding is a bad one. Presumably they are to be had. If I can go on so many dates, albeit it not successful so far, at 45 with 5 children surely you younger and presumably much prettier ones with fewer children and not working so many hours can.

And what about two single mothers coupling up (not in a lesbian sense) but so that one works days whilst the other has the children and the other nights?

Saying they have to sign on at least every 2 weeks is still a better step because it makes them realise they are subject of kindness by the state and tax payers and are lucky they live in a country which provides that support and helps them realise they are "job seekers".

Personally I'd favour a law change that forces fathers to have children one week on, one off so both parents where they have split up, find it easier to manage work and childcare and it wasn't all foisted on one of them. If the father can't or won't pay at least he'd then be changing sheets, washing up sick and getting stuff ready for school and doing broken nights.

(On the question I was asked the twins were four when we got divorced. The other 3 children were still at school but older.)

No, I'd rather the women were supporting the husbands and the women routinely earned more but it doesn't seem to be so. Many people remarry so they can afford things better. I don't think that's a very controversial statement.

i dont give my husband anything - i quite like sex - and i come first - it's a prerequisite.

i think your thinking is flawed and hghly misogynistic to think that sahms give their husbands sex.

quite clearly you havent read mumsnet - many dont have sex at all. some are fucking other people. y'know real life stuff.

to that assumption is clearly flawed. as is the munset stereotype you propose.

as for one working days one working nights - that not a fair division of labour. as in the day children are usually awake. leaving it rather difficult for the night shift worker to actually sleep.

Xenia - roughly how many employers do you think would be willing to take on staff to work one week on, one week off? Shiftwork jobs generally involve a week of days followed by a week of nights or vice versa, and shift workers generally have to be prepared to come into work at very short notice or change their shifts with very little warning.
Employers mostly want staff who don't actually have lives, and anyone going for a job interview who states that they have dependents and/or other essential commitments is only going to get the job if ther are no other applicants with roughly similar skills/experience/competence at walking, talking and breathing who don't have any demonstrable evidence of a life outside the workplace and won't ever ask for half an hour off at short notice. In fact, if you state at a job interview that you have a dependent (be that a child or a senile adult or a severely disabled person that you'rte the one who looks after) and therefore need predictability in your hours but might have to rush off at short notice, then they're going to give the job to anyone other than you. Unless all the other interviewees puked on this interviewer, ripped up the carpet and invoked the spirit of Arthur Scargill on the spot...

exactly madamez,

(your earlier post about jobs)

If I became a single parent, my options would be

a) sign on benefits (get to care for my kids myself)

b) work as I am professionally trained, as a nurse, and earn not enough money to support myself and my kids in childcare and too much money (ha ha) to be able to claim enough tax credits to top it up and pay for childcare.

I would still have to juggle childcare for shift work and nights and school holidays, the nhs are still not up to scratch on flexible working for families.

c) get any old job that I can do within 9 -5 hours but will likely pay minimum wage, which will then entitle me to tax credit and childcare payments but offer me little or no job satisfaction coupled with the fact that I would have someone else caring for my children and I would most probably still struggle financially.

my options would be a) or c) and I would without hesitation choose benefits.

and at the same time carry on campaigning for more flexible working conditions for families.

why don't all you lot who dispise single mothers not working join the campaign? then everyone would win!

interesting xenia,so if my ex had my son for one week so i could go to work, then what would i do the following week when i had my son and my ex had to go to work. could he continue teaching with working a week then having a week off, i dont think so

you are barmy and obviously not a very good shag or your husband would have stuck around

Well a lot of divorced parents where both work do do one week on and one off so they obviously make it work. Sometimes they share one nanny or childminder or nursery place and then they pay for that the week they have their children and their exhusband does the week he does or one of the grandparents does the childcare. It can work well.

On sex.. okay some women are breaking the age old deal which doesn't seem very fair on the men. So what is the bargain if it's not to provide sex in return for pay? It must then be housework and childcare (and of course your love of him etc) and he provides the money. I still don't like that model. I keeps woemn out of the working environment and leadership roles in the world but thankfully most mothers of young children do work so it's something that is just a strange anarchonism which the very poor and very rich still have in the UK. 4 in 5 mothers with children under 5 work and many do that because they don't like that having to depend on a man to hand out cash thing which you can understand. In fact some perhaps prefer the state to pay. I wonder which people feel is the easier handout to accept? Some men choose to give up work to avoid paying their previous family who then claim it from taxpayers.

personally if and when i meet a wonderful man it would be to share my life with and to gain a best friend not someone to pay my bills

Madamez - you put it so much better than I could.

I would love to find a new man but because I am sick of being lonely not because I want his money, and like I said before, I have found that being a single mum does not actually seem to attract any men at all, so not sure how I am meant to find this husband to live off anyway.

I've had a look at the job centre online, and I've found a job that I could do, term time only and it's from home. It pays the basic wage. So I would sort of fit into preggarspoppets type c scenario. I'm assuming that I would still have to put my youngest into nursery while I did the 4 hrs a day. Wages 16 x £5.40 = £86.40. Nursery costs 16 x £3.50 = £56. So I'd make £30.40 a week. As I said before I don't receive income support so in effect I should be able to keep this money, but I'm pretty sure it would affect my housing benefit.

Now if all my kids were at school or were entitled to a free nursery place, then it might be worth while me doing this. Unfortunately that won't happen for another year yet.

hunky - don't forget you'd get some of the childcare paid by TC, it's the only reason I can afford to work the 18 hours i do each week.

and when they do your housing benefit calculation they take into account nursery fees (i'm on it too), so you might be surprised and find that you are still entitled to it

"If I can go on so many dates, albeit it not successful so far, at 45 with 5 children surely you younger and presumably much prettier ones with fewer children and not working so many hours can."

ROFL at this. Now as well as working nights and one week on, one week off shifts, I have to trawl the internet looking for dates? That's now my social duty? I'm failing to fulfill my debt to society by not paying a fortune for babysitters and sitting through endless tedious dates with men who don't interest me? LOL LOL LOL.

And the one week off one week on thing - what a great stable environment that sounds for confused, traumatised children who have just had their families split apart. Not.

You're just ranting for the sake of it now, aren't you Xenia? Not because you believe any of it anymore, but just to see how far you can take it before we all move on to threads about sex or style or sausage rolls in buggies?

Most single mothers unless they are really fed up with men would probably want a new partner at some stage which of course is mostly nothing to do with money but it's certainly one way many get off benefits.

I wonder which is the better investment - (i) paying a babysitter so you can work in Macdonalds or clean the local school or (ii) pay a babysitter whilst you go out on dates with suitably targetted men? Presumably the latter was many women still aren't very well educated to enable them to earn a decent living without reling on male earnings I suppose.

LOL at the going on dates bit.

My xp doesn't have my kids for me at all. If I could find anyone to go on a date with which in it'self is pretty impossible, then I'd have to check my mums shifts to see if she wasn't at work and then check that she hadn't made any arrangements to go out herself.

Where I am gonna meet this bloke that I will be going on the dates with anyway is a mystery to me seeing as the only places I go are to school and Iceland.

You really are something else Xenia.

n, look on the internet. Go forth now and search for a man. There are lots of single fathers on line even and widowers and people who understand commitments to children etc.

I actually agree with some of what Xenia says.

Thanks. Even if I were on benefits I'd rather have someone in bed with me than not, although in practice you woudl be strongly advised to turf them out at mid night each night so it doesn't affect benefits and maintenance from the children's father of course.

I certainly think there's no need to be defeatist about it... still happy to say that despite my various unsuccessful dates.

i'm sure the staff at Iceland are total lookers nutcracker

Come on fellow single mums, I detect an ever so slightly defeatist attitude here.
I'm not suggesting that anyone should do anything they don't want to, but you can make things work for you. It is harder in some ways than with a partner but not impossible.
I have the cheapest form of childcare: a live in aupair. I pay her £80 each week & give her a room in my tiny house & for that she kindly gives me 40 hours of her time to look after my kids while I'm at work & babysit.
I've been internet dating for the last 3 years. Mixed results, but being a single mum doesn't put most men off. I'm 37 as well, so no spring chicken & I've got chubby thighs & a few stretch marks. That still doesn't deter them!!!!!!!!!!