Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

News

Purple flour - a response

18 replies

Tom · 03/06/2004 16:55

For your interest - Fathers Direct's response to the Purple Flour incident - 2 items:
1 - Jack O'Sullivan's piece in the Guardian on Saturday
2 - A letter to all MPs from Fathers Direct.
I'd be interested in any comments.

  1. Dads and dinosaurs: comment in The Guardian by Jack O'Sullivan of Fathers Direct

It has been 10 days since the purple powder protest in the Commons. In that time David Blunkett has said nothing about the centrality of fathers in cutting crime. Charles Clarke has failed to mention the crucial role fathers play in children's educational achievement, missing an opportunity to highlight his department's pioneering work in this area. And John Reid has not said a word about how fathers can help support breastfeeding.

And with their silence, our male leaders have once again allowed fatherhood - an issue that affects nearly every family in the country - to be relegated in the public mind to a minority interest characterised by conflict between men and women.

I don't primarily blame Fathers4Justice for this catastrophe, much as I dislike their tactics. I blame the hundreds of male politicians upon whom that purple powder fell. Many are fathers themselves. All bear a responsibility for ensuring that the public policy implications of father-child relationships are fully explored. Yet, as the dust has settled, has a single one of them had anything sensible to say on the subject?

As a dad myself, I feel abandoned by my political representatives during an extraordinary social revolution. Statistics speak of modern male transformation and its impact on children. Fathers of under-fives in dual-earner families now do a third of the childcare - their care-taking has rocketed 800% since 1975 - according to the Equal Opportunities Commission. We know that father involvement cuts crime, raises educational outcomes, has a lasting impact on mental health, improves health outcomes for girls, cuts relationship breakdown and enhances women's job opportunities. A Joseph Rowntree Foundation study recently found that the option preferred by men - not just by women - is to share work and childcare.

I am part of this huge but largely silent social change. I sleep next to the cot and work full-time flexibly around our children. I feel affronted by dinosaur male politicians who have nothing to say about this revolution and its impact on child welfare, work, relationships, the provision of family services and gender equality. I cannot afford to wait another 20 years until we spawn articulate politicians able to relate men's changing lives to public policy. By then I will be a grandfather. More important, today's children will have missed too many opportunities because the men in parliament were asleep on their watch.

I focus on men, because many female MPs have recognised the revolution around active fatherhood and herald the benefits it offers, not only to men and children, but also to women. Progressive feminists such as Patricia Hewitt, Margaret Hodge, Tessa Jowell and Yvette Cooper spring to mind.

But where are the men? Certainly, Alan Milburn was courageous to acknowledge when he resigned at health secretary that he could not square his children's needs with the demands of the job. But why did his NHS - despite producing 630,000 new fathers a year - fail to develop a plan to support them during the paternity leave that his colleague, Patricia Hewitt, introduced last year? Imagine the benefits of well-trained, well-informed dads, if only to the 20% of mothers who spend those two weeks recovering from caesarean sections.

Perhaps male politicians mistakenly imagine that if they talk about fatherhood, it will open their own private lives to unwelcome scrutiny. Yet, such fears do not, for example, prevent them debating health and education. Possibly, they are worried that their progressive credentials will be called into question if they lead a policy focus on men's relationships with children. But I suspect that the chief reason for their silence is that children and parenting are still effectively banished from the working lives of many male MPs.

It doesn't have to be like this. Recently I met a group of male BT managers, men in their 40s and 50s with serious jobs, just like MPs. Yet, they could speak eloquently about policy issues surrounding fatherhood. The reason? They had been encouraged to take flexible working options that mean their work and parenting are interwoven and inseparable.

Who, among today's male politicians, will lead a fresh approach? I hope Gordon Brown will surprise us. An expert on public and social policy, he has said publicly that being a good father is now his first priority. That was brave. Still braver would be for him to lead debate now on how fatherhood is central to achieving success in key policy areas such as crime, education, health and child poverty.

To those male politicians who would stand on the sidelines for fear of being tarnished by the tactics of Fathers4Justice, I would quote Millicent Fawcett, leader of the moderate suffragists. When a man at a dinner party told Fawcett that he would never again do anything for women's rights because of the way the more extreme suffragettes had behaved, she merely smiled and politely asked him: "What have you already done?"

Jack O'Sullivan is a co-founder of Fathers Direct

  1. Letter to all MPs from Duncan Fisher of Fathers Direct

Dear MP,

At Fathers Direct, the national information centre on fatherhood, we are concerned at the impact of last month's 'purple powder protest' in the Commons. We worry that fatherhood - an issue affecting nearly every family - has been relegated in the public mind to a minority interest characterised by conflict between men and women. We seek your help to broaden public discussion so that it speaks to the real lives of all mothers, fathers and children.

Fatherhood is emerging as an issue in every part of social policy and across the political spectrum. Families are changing fundamentally.

Ø Fathers of under-fives in dual-earner families now do a third of the childcare - their care-taking has rocketed 800% since 1975 - according to the Equal Opportunities Commission. Mothers at work cite fathers as the main carers of their children.

Ø Services all over the country - maternity services, early years services, schools, prisons, domestic violence and drugs programmes - are starting to engage with fatherhood. There are hundreds of new local initiatives. Fathers Direct, a charity founded in 1999, trains and supports over 2,000 professionals in these sectors a year. In April this year 950 of these people attended our national conference, Working with Fathers.

The problem is that there is no coherent policy shift to match this huge and silent revolution. Fathers face multiple barriers to involvement with their children, both in the workplace and in public services, all of which still regard caring for children as the work of mothers alone. This silence among policy makers is creating the opportunity for debate about issues that should concern us all to be dominated by a vociferous minority. Fathers Direct tries to fill this silence by working with a wide range of partners - including children's charities, the Fawcett Society and EOC (where I am a board member). Now we seek your help.

We ask you to start a vigorous debate in the House of Commons about supporting father-child relationships. Robust policies would:

Ø reduce crime - high levels of father-involvement reduce the likelihood of teenage boys getting involved in criminal and anti-social behaviour; conversely the 125,000 children with fathers in prison are more likely to be involved in crime in later life;

Ø improve educational achievement - examination results, school attendance and behaviour improve when fathers are engaged with their sons and daughters, particularly in their learning;

Ø improve social and health outcomes for girls - supportive fathers are connected with fewer eating disorders in girls, higher self esteem (leading to higher quality adult relationships with men), delayed sexual activity and substantially reduced risk of teenage pregnancy;

Ø increase the support that fathers provide to mothers and babies in the first years - informed and confident fathers are more helpful to mothers and babies at the birth of a baby; breastfeeding rates are higher and cot deaths and postnatal depression lower in households with involved fathers;

Ø reduce relationship break-down and the number of absent fathers - there is a clear correlation between involved fatherhood and the quality and stability of couple relationships; non-resident fathers are more likely to support their family practically, emotionally and financially if they were actively involved before separation; after separation, 31% of single mothers and 17% of separated fathers want more involvement of the fathers in their children's lives- the crucial importance of fathers to children needs to be communicated robustly to families when relationships break down;

Ø increase the birth rate - as women are more able to be economically active, the real opportunity costs of the caring role are emerging - a mother on average will earn £0.5 million less than her partner over a lifetime; investment in family life is reducing and the birth rate is slowing; this undermines the creation of the future workforce and the foundation of the social security system; a comprehensive strategy is needed to increase the amount of caring for children done by fathers;

Ø enhance the protection of children at risk - non-abusing fathers are a forgotten resource in child protection arrangements; they are generally perceived either as a risk or as irrelevant; where a father is abusive, programmes to support changes in his behaviour are rare - even though he is likely to reconnect with his family, or go on to join or found a new family (and behave problematically there too);

Ø enhance equal opportunities and pay for women - the main reason why women enter the workforce with equal qualifications but end up with lower pay and occupying only 10% of the top jobs is because of the unequal sharing of caring responsibilities; apart from this being a personal tragedy, it is a waste of national resources invested in women's education and training.

We plan meetings about these issues in the House of Commons.

Yours sincerely, etc.

OP posts:
Issymum · 03/06/2004 17:36

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at OP's request

Blu · 03/06/2004 17:41

Tom: I think this is an excellent response both to the ludicrous tactics of F4J, and to the lamentable complacency of the gvt. Just one point: I think I get the general gist of the 'raise the birthrate' point, but found the wording a bit incomprehensible.

Tom · 03/06/2004 18:43

It's about the disincentives that exist for women to have babies - we have a fertility rate of around 1.7 per woman I think, which is well below replacement levels - potentially storing up problems with an aging population etc.
In countries where there has been a focussed effort to frame caring as the joint responsibility of men and women, these disincentives are reduced. In the UK, most public policy and public services make it pretty clear that the society expects women to be primarily responsible for caring, which of course advantages men in the workplace.

OP posts:
prettycandles · 03/06/2004 20:23

I found these articles very interesting, if only because they widened my perspective of what the fatherhood organisations' aims are. From the publicity they have received as a result of the various protests in recent months, all I thought they were interested in was greater access to their children after the parents have separated. Clearly I was very mistaken!

Tom · 04/06/2004 00:25

prettycandles - the protest organisation - Fathers-4-Justice - is indeed focussed on the issue of post-separation parenting. Fathers Direct has a much broader agenda - as you can see. Hopefully, this helps people to understand the distinction!

OP posts:
Freckle · 04/06/2004 11:29

I must say that I find it quite ironic that there are other threads on this board where posters are tearing their hair out trying to get their exes to show interest in their children.

What a sad world this is where thousands of men are desperately trying to maintain an involvement in their children's lives, whilst thousands of others see separation of the parents as a reason to abdicate all responsibility in this respect.

MeanBean · 04/06/2004 11:30

I think this is very positive. I have to say, like Prettycandles, I was a bit hazy about father's organisations - my impression of them is rather a jumble of purple powder, Bob Geldof, Spiderman outfits and mysogyny, so anything which seeks to approach the issues in a more intelligent and thoughtful way has got to be welcomed. The Jack O'Sullivan article is really informative, and hopefully will redress a bit of the damage done by the superhero contingent.

nutcracker · 04/06/2004 11:49

Tom are these organizations similar in any way to Families need fathers ???

Marina · 04/06/2004 11:53

I'd like to print this out, roll it up, and hit dh's boss over the head with it. Thanks for posting this, Tom.

Tom · 04/06/2004 12:15

Hey Nutcracker - I kinda answered that on this thread

OP posts:
Sheila · 04/06/2004 13:37

Tom I wish what your organisation is saying about the increase in men's input rang true in my life - the father of my son did around 1% of the childcare, which is why in the end I left him.

I think if more men don't pull their fingers out and start doing their share of childcare and other "domestic" work (how many men ever clean the toilet?) they will make themselves redundant.

As for F4J - who would give this lot access to a child?

Tom · 04/06/2004 14:09

Shelia, these are not our figures - they are from the Equal Opportunities Commission. Everyone has individual experiences, but these figures are based on independent research on a cross-section of families.

OP posts:
Heathcliffscathy · 04/06/2004 14:32

Thank you for posting Tom. I am incensed and bewildered by this govts lack of action on this: seems to me to be a no brainer vote winner if handled right. I am so depressed at how difficult it is for my dh to do as much as he wants to as he works full time: we planned to co-parent and co-earn but as you know there is a stunning array of disincentives to do this, not least that most employers (including dh's otherwise v forward thinking one) are of the prehistoric opinion that work and children don't mix: they're something you talk about at business lunches in passing, but they don't otherwise impinge of the serious business at hand. we will do it somehow. I need to finish some training and then we are determined that we will both work flexibly and both take an equal role in parenting our son. I am extraordinarily lucky in my man: he takes ds for two hours before he goes to work after I have breastfed him. this is their time together and dh guards it jealously if i suggest that he might need the extra sleep as he is knackered. at weekends, dh basically takes over. I would say that he does a third of the parenting despite being the only breadwinner: like I say i'm miraculously lucky. I'm so sad and angry that society doesn't support men like dh in anyway it seems to me. and would like to know more about Fathers Direct. Is there a website? Does it support all fathers or mainly concentrate on those living in poverty/deprivation? Once again thanks for posting.

Sheila · 04/06/2004 15:25

Tom despite the EOC's stats. (well they obviously didn't canvas me!) I don't think my experiences are unique - take a look at the Lone Parents' topic on Mumsnet for stories of father's who will never do their share, no matter how much the government supports the ideal of fatherhood.

I would be very dismayed to see the government shifting resources away from supporting mothers, who even according to the statistics you quote are still doing 2 thirds of the childcare, plus probably 2 thirds of all the other crappy caretaking stuff that goes with having kids (cooking, cleaning etc.).

Tom · 04/06/2004 17:24

Our website is www.fathersdirect.com and we have a monthly newsletter which you can register for at www.fathersdirect.com/fatherwork/network/registration.asp.

Despite individual experiences, Sheila, which I know are varied, the EOCs data is very solid, and reflects all the other data/trends we have looked at. Don't forget - there are now over 100,000 men who are primary carers, as their partners work full time.

I think sophable has nailed it - people WANT to share childcare and earning, but the disincentives are so strong, it inevitably pushes people into traditional dvisions of labour. From the very start, men get numerous messages that babies are for their partners, not them - from the way men are recieved in maternity units, early years services, their leave entitlements etc etc etc. So it's hardly surprising that alot of men (and women) internalise the message that dads are not for looking after the kids. And while mothers are doing 2/3rds of the childcare in the UK, don't forget that men are doing 2/3rds of the breadwinning. Most studies have found that after paid work, childcare and domestic labour, men and women generally have an equal amount of leisure time available to them. Of course, people will shout "that's not us", but the research canvases a representative cross-section of the population.

OP posts:
Sheila · 04/06/2004 20:39

Not sure why I'm quite so cross with you Tom - it's hardly fair since we both actually want the same thing - for fathers to be more involved with their children.

I guess what gets under my skin is that there is a presumption that all dads are just waiting to do their bit given the chance and I KNOW that's not true in very many cases. Some acknowledgement from fathers' groups that men could just try a bit harder would stop me feeling so alienated.

Piffleoffagus · 04/06/2004 21:01

I am glad off two things

  1. that I never looked at national birth stats while planning either of my kids
  2. that I never denied my exp access to his son, nor pursued him for money that he could not afford and allowed him a place in our family for evermore... It pays in the end Not the case for everyone I know this....
Tom · 04/06/2004 22:18

Sheila - we do acknowledge this, and what's more we also acknowledge and are doing something about the major problems of domestic violence and child abuse by men. I think you'll find that it's your assumptions about us that are incorrect. However, if we want to have more father involvement in children's lives, then we have to address the extent to which fathers are almost completely ignored in every single institution that shapes family life in the UK. One of the most important ways of doing this is to press home the massive changes in the amount of childcare that men are doing. And it is actually true. Just compare todays men to their fathers' generation.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page