AIBU to be gobsmacked that 2/3 of parents want to lose their right to parent in the way they think best?

[Tzibeleh]

www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/law-and-order/11232799/Make-it-a-crime-to-leave-children-under-12-home-alone-say-parents.html

Who are these parents? Clearly not MNers! Do they truly believe that their 11yo should go off to secondary on public transport, but not ever be left alone at home? Are they such pathetic parents that they need Nanny State to decide everything for them? Thank goodness no politicians are currently thinking of making this law, but just wait until someone thinks it might be a vote-grabber.

if the adults want spoon feeding too then we're really screwed.

read that way it means 2/3 of parents want to be alleviated of the responsibility of making decisions about their own children because they'd rather be told what to do.

looks like they could have done with more preparation for adulthood in their childhood's too.

I think this is more about fear of prosecution than actual parenting.

In reality most of us are sensible enough to know when children are ready.

Generally (making allowances because kids are all different) if you haven't taught them to manage on their own at 12 you haven't done the job you took on when you had them.

I worry that on their 18th birthday they will be suddenly left to do it all themselves without any experience or training.

It takes away that ability to make a rational judgement, doesn't it? I was left in the house alone when I was younger than DS1 is, now. Yes, I went rummaging and tried my mum's clothes on, but I was generally sensible and trustworthy.

OTOH, My just turned 11 yo can't be out of earshot of an adult. I doubt he'll be much safer at 12. A law that said it was illegal to leave him on his own now, but it won't be in 12 months time would be ridiculous. Guidelines that explain that it's fine to leave a child alone so long as they're not put at risk by doing so make a lot more sense.

The colleague who spoke to me about my leaving my 9yo alone in the house (and I do think he had the best of intentions and was trying to look out for me) said that yes, she may be responsible, but what if something unforeseen happens, like the tumble dryer goes on fire.

Firstly, I rarely use the tumble dryer, and I suspect that the incidence of tumble dryers going on fire is vanishingly rare. But I get that his point was that any freak occurrence could happen. But any unforeseen occurrence could happen anywhere.

rationally your chances of being burnt alive by a spontaneously combusting tumble dryer (and not noticing it has combusting and leaving hte house) are probably a million times slimmer than being sexually abused in a care setting.

DH's parents used to go on holiday and leave him at home, when he was 12.

Not saying I would recommend parenting quite as lax as that, though!

it's funny as well that when you really look at it people are more concerned by getting 'in trouble' for their child being exploded by a freak tumbledryer than actually losing their child to a freak tumbledryer

i think those 'concerns' say more about the.... conditioned nature of adult citizens than they do about actual risk or parenting or child development you know?

if your child was blown up in a freak tumble dryer incident i think the social services assessment of whether you should have predicted and prevented it by not leaving them alone would be the least of your worries! surely?

Maybe gov would support this as a move away from the latch key kids that are reminiscent of times gone by, we seem to be going backwards.
I wouldn't leave one of mine and haven't done this and agree that under 12 is too young to be on their own after school, not to mention not fair on the poor child, they need a parent to parent them.
I would support this law tbh.

no mine were 'too slack' as well sanity - including same as your dh. i wouldn't go that far but a world of difference between popping to the shop for milk whilst your 7yo is glued to minecraft in his pjs and buggering off overseas for a fortnight obviously

read the thread potato - how do you sanction parents for nto taking jobs miles from home if you also make it illegal for them to leave 12yos unattended?

when you say 'the poor child' what exactly is it you see as empoverishing them? is a bit of time on your own at 12 some kind of torture? did you never enjoy having the house to yourself for an hour as a teen? did you sit in a corner and cry for your empoverishment? because i enjoyed myself - watched what i wanted on tv, snacked, played with the animals, baked cookies etc. maybe i was 'odd'

When I was small we were taught what to do for most things, but if we were not sure we were to knock next door and ask an adult for help. Might have been easier in those days and where I lived as as you could count on one of the immediate neighbours being in.

Not sure I'd be any safer now if the tumble dryer blew up, but if someone wants to buy me one for xmas I can see how it goes. :)

yeah i can't say being in my thirties would protect me better from an exploding tumble dryer than if i was 7

TheHoney

Since when has under 12 been a teen? Of course a bit of time is ok, but not hours.
If there was a set law parents would know what was acceptable and why?

I don't think its a case of worrying about a freak accident, plenty of accidents happen around the home that are quite normal.

My DS has travelled to and from school on his own from the age of 11, a 45 min journey involving a bus and train. The Government hs promoted parental choice in schools, eg Academy, selective, Faith etc and so many children do not go to their local schools.

Why is my DS ok to travel out of the house by himself, but not OK to be left in the house???

ok so it's terrible and poor child-ish at 11 years and 11 months but would be ok at 12 then potato? do parents need a law to know what's acceptable and why? are they, more importantly are you, incapable of deciding that for them/your self?

it isn't tuna, it's a nonsense hence the law will never change.

Once at secondary I would have thought it's fine (hard to judge as mine aren't that old yet) but I'm shocked that people are happy leaving children aged 6 and 7. My eldest dd is almost 7 and very sensible but she's still only very little. I can't think of a reason to leave her at home. I thought I was quite a relaxed parent but maybe not. I once left sleeping twins in my car in a private car park and ran to get my eldest from school (small car park only used by parents on school run). I didn't have the pushchair as it had a puncture and couldn't carry them both. I was gone less than 4 minutes but another mum reported me to the police. Police were very nice about it and not concerned just wanted to check I wasn't neglecting dc. Has made me untrusting to be honest, if the mum was worried about my dc why didn't she keep an eye on them rather than take my reg and drive off.

leaving babies in a car is a bit different to leaving a 7 or 8 year old who is awake, knows you're going and how long you'll be and is absorbed in an activity and happy to be on their own for ten minutes in their home.

i'm sure you see that.

leaving babies in a locked car who are asleep and don't know where mummy has gone or when she'll be back and cannot get out to access help if needs be is clearly problematic.

sorry - that wasn't meant to be judgy abotu leaving the twins - i'm sure they were fine - just pointing out that there would be different considerations at play in terms of whether it was seen as a cause for concern or not.

TheHoney

I don't think parents do always know whether it is right for their child or not and yes some do need to have that bit of security in a law.
No. I wouldn't need to be told what was right I make my own decision on that one, but unfortunately, I have come across people from all walks of life who believe their dc are at home and they are creating merry hell in town, or taking drugs in the park. But, oh no their dc wouldn't do that and are at home doing homework

Under 12 too young to be home alone? You are kidding me? Summer born ds2 has been coming home from high school which is 6 miles away via public transport and letting himself in for over a year. I am out collecting siblings, taking them it clubs etc. Some days he then gets himself sorted and cycles to sports clubs himself. Parents can't be in two places at once.

My 15 year old can be left all day and even babysits his younger siblings or for friends etc. If I couldn't leave my 12 yr old at home for a couple of hours alone I would have failed as a parent. my 9 yr old is fine home alone for short periods and can get himself to and from school, 2 miles away on his own or go to the local shops or library etc. I don't need a law telling me how to make parenting decisions!

These things all depend on the individual child and area and family circumstances, you can't have a blanket rule.

maybe those who need the security of black and white laws and rules and can't make responsible context driven decisions should rethink whether they're capable of parenthood.

seriously - there should be laws because adults, not you of course, some adult over there, are not capable of thinking for themselves? how much worse do you want it to get? you can already be fined for deciding to take your child to see a dying relative if the school doesn't give you 'permission' - how much further does it go?

Honey

I think there are some parents who kid themselves their dc are capable of being on their own after school and during holidays when they are secondary age because there is no childcare. I don't think that children under 12 should be left alone tbh.
A quick run up to the shops is different than child letting themselves in and looking after themselves until 6pm.

Plus, the law is vague and I don't think a parent looking for clarification is worse than one who kids themselves. I think it shows they are concerned about doing the right thing.
There have been threads here where people have asked for advice, they weren't unfit parents.

'kids themselves' right so your way is the right way and anyone who does it differently is just kidding themselves?

you can think what you like and you can apply that thinking in your home - the lack of law allows for that.