A journalist writes: why can't we all just be nice to each other?

[Gizmo]

Oh, the delicious irony.
From the paper that regularly brings you India Knight, John Simpson and various other commentators fulminating on what is wrong with modern mothers, here?s a prolonged whinge about how judgemental other parents are.
Another piece of lightweight, anecdotal journalism based on the fact that it sounds like her friends are a bit crap. Given some spurious authority by a quick telephone call to an author who may not be entirely unbiased on the subject?.
Yes, I know other parents make judgements (and ? newsflash, Ms Llewellyn Smith - not just about your children) but you only have to look at Mumsnet to know that they?re also a source of excellent support. Shame loads of new mums are going to be put off seeking this support by this load of bullshit.
Snort. Waste of newsprint.

I'll bet she feeds her child grapes on the way round

Message withdrawn

I don't think this is the most stunning piece of journalism I've ever read, but surely she was taking the pi$$ out of herself and all the rest of us for being so uptight about our parenting?

agree bugsy

Hmmmm, maybe Bugsy....

But it takes all the fun out it if you're right. So I'm going to pretend you're not

what a pointless piece of crap. The only vaguely interesting thing is maybe the point about our gps and the idea that we now associate our parenting "style" (?) with our identity - that raises some interesting questions as to the possibility of increased individualism in child-rearing and society generally, and decreased community involvement - none of which she picks up or discusses, just drones on about her own crappy little world. Why do editors publish this rubbish? It sends the message that yes, I'll devote some page space to parenting, but I can't be bothered to actually read the stuff and see if it's half-way decent. Honestly it's like the poetry page of a school magazine

How much was she paid for writing this load of tosh?

Actually, yes, I would be interested to know how our attitudes to child rearing as a public/private undertaking have changed over the past century. And I think there is a place for a reasoned piece of journalism about the possible impacts on parents and children if views become too polarised. After all, if breastfeeding, say, had become totally socially unacceptable, then it would have an impact on child health (as it would if bottlefeeding were ostracised)

But this is not it. It's not funny enough to justify inclusion as a humorous piece and not thoughtful enough to justify its inclusion on any other basis.

spot on gizmo

Agree with you there, Gizmo. It's not particularly well-written either.

I think it is true though that our grandparents wouldn't have passed comment on other people's methods, when they were raising small children themselves - they'd have been too busy doing it!

I think Frank Furedi has got it half right. I don't think it's true at all that our grandparents wouldn't have criticised. The difference is, when they were criticised they shrugged and got on with it, without feeling like their whole identitity was threatened. Part of that is that parents are far more surveyed and supervised than they used to be - they weren't afraid of false allegations of child abuse and didn't think the neighbours were going to shop them for cruelty every time they shouted at their kids - and part of it is this "parenting as identity" thing, imo. Although I suspect that parading your parenting choices as part of your lifestyle is pretty much confined to what the meeja calls the chattering classes.

Oh and meant to say that they had more confidence in their right to be parents and ability as parents - they simply didn't question it.

Which isn't necessarily a good thing (though it may not be a bad thing either)

I wonder if (sweeping generalisation here) that might that be because there was less variation in 'acceptable' ways to bring up your children?

My perception is social rules were a lot narrower then...

it's obviously made up anyway - how does she know her friends went home and bitched about her? Was she bugging their houses or renting next door and putting a glass to the wall?

and you find me a group of toddlers that wouldn't go for a chocolate cake

FWIW, I don't think this was supposed to be taken as a serious piece of journalism that we should all learn from, I think it's supposed to be a humourous take on the bitching that goes on between mums. It might not be fall over sideways funny, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't recognise elements of myself and others in some of what she writes. Also, Beatie - she didn't say that she was very laid back about what her child eats, in that paragraph she's quoting the professor.

Gizmo I think you're right about tht too.

"I wonder if (sweeping generalisation here) that might that be because there was less variation in 'acceptable' ways to bring up your children?"

I agree with this. I know I hear DH's parents and my parents commenting on how they did X Y or Z when they had small children because that's what everyone did and that is what was expected of them.

And my parents and DH's parents were very much criticised and judged by their own parents for the way they brought up their children.

Oops - I stand corrected Willow2, it is the Professors quote. OK. WTF is he talking about?!

Gizmo - I think you're right - as soon as there is choice there is the instinct to try to justify it. I think that our gps had a lot more stricter confines within which to work (eg those that were brought up in the UK would have almost certainly gone to church with some regularity).
Also - as well as the idea of their being less choice in acceptable ways of parenting there was an all round factor of less choice - a lot of people didn't really choose to have children at all. I think justifying your choice of parenting style, is very close to justifying your choice to have kids at all. (I'm doing a good job, so it must have been a good decision to embark on the whole project in the first place)

I'm just fed up of this sort of stuff though (largely why I've stopped buying the papers)

it's not informative, it's not funny and there are so many other more interesting things that could be written about

"I think you're right - as soon as there is choice there is the instinct to try to justify it"

Oh yes - that rings true with the schools thing. I have to choose where my dd starts primary school. I 'chose' the local primary. Now I feel obligated to justify that choice. Saying that there didn't appear to be any negatives sounds poor. I feel compelled to highlight the positives when people ask me where my dd will go to school.

grrr I can't read it.
Anyone want to do a copy and paste?