cresent and tabitha;
I base my opinion on the (often scant) facts available from each case, not on MN consensus.
I've noticed when men do this the facts often suggest it is done as an act of vengeance on the mother for leaving. They are often accompanied by phone calls or letters to the mother accusing her of 'causing it' and statements along the lines of 'If I can't have them nobody can'.
If a male suicide/murder case occurs where I feel (based on the information available) that the man had acted out of desperation and fear i do feel exactly as i do in this situation. There have been cases here in ireland due to the economic crisis where men have killed their families due to a mental health breakdown resulting from severe financial hardship.
Equally I have seen female suicide/murder cases where I have not sympathised as strongly with the mother, where it has seemed like there were other options for the child/ren than to go to an abusive ex in the mothers absence (a close extended family, a loving husband, foster care as no family/ex on the scene).
Sympathising with the desperation a person must have felt in their final hours is not the same as condoning their actions. What this woman did was wrong, but it's not my place to judge her actions and condemn her to 'burning in hell'. I simply expressed horror at the situation that pushed a woman to feel she had no other escape, and more so, that leaving her children behind could possibly be worse for them than them dying at her hand. Think about that statement... she actually felt murdering them was safer than leaving them behind, can you imagine the fear she must have been living with?