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Original poster

Has there been a thread yet about parents who want schools to tell them what time to send children to bed?

67 replies

emkana · 07/05/2006 20:09

Haven't got particular article to hand, but I was just thinking about this because I'm enjoying the peace and quiet with both my dd's asleep.

OP posts:

joelalie · 09/05/2006 08:21

But children do differ. Adults have different sleep needs and so do children. My DD will put herself to put by 6 if she's tired - her normal bedtime is about 8. She gets up at about 5.30 which is a killer!!! My eldest 9 yr old son would happily go to bed at 10 and get up at 9 the next day....which is fine at weekends, but obviously during the week it has to be earlier, about 9.00. I've tried on many occassions to get him to bed by 8.30 but it simply doesn't work - he doesn't sleep..he will do ANYTHING rather than sleep. He takes after his father in that - DD takes after me.

Not all children are the same.

ks · 09/05/2006 09:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bozza · 09/05/2006 09:34

DS is 5 and and is expected to be in bed from 7.30pm to 7am with occasional slight slippage at weekends. He does not watch TV at home during the week. Although sometimes does a bit on the days he goes to the CM. DD is almost 2 and goes to bed at the same time and is currently waking up 6.45-7 and has a 1-2 hour nap - currently heading more towards the 1 than 2.

DS definitely needs every minute of sleep that he gets. I wonder when he will be able to start going to bed later.

foxinsocks · 09/05/2006 10:28

caligula, in that specific case, they both had awful upbringings (and no contact with their families) so goodness knows what it was like when they were little!

As someone has said, children at that age cannot regulate their own bedtimes and I think they honestly thought that if their children were tired they would fall asleep which they only did at quite a late hour.

I know it sounds daft but there really are quite a few people who do not realise that it is possible to put children to bed at a reasonable hour because once the children get to about 2 or 3 and you've never done it, it can be incredibly hard work to try and bring back their bedtimes to a reasonable hour.

foxinsocks · 09/05/2006 10:29

and I totally agree with you about the behaviour thing....if mine have not slept properly, they are murderous to deal with the next day

FairyMum · 09/05/2006 10:33

There have always been and will always be parents who don't put their children to bed on time for whatever reason. What is ridiculous, but bloody typical in this parent-bashing climate at the moment is that it creates headlines which suggests it is typical of today's parents and parenting.

Uwila · 09/05/2006 11:37

I really must question the suitablity for parenthood of someone who can't (or doesn't bother to) sort out what time their children should go to bed.

The idea of the school giving me a guideline on when to put my children to bed is just way too nanny state for me.

Is this the schools job? Do we really want them to get involved in our homes? And is it right to hand this responsibility to the schools? I think schools have enough to do, and parents need to take some responsibility for their parenting.

beckybrastraps · 09/05/2006 11:44

Actually, I agree it's a big problem. I'm not thinking of young children. I'm sure most parents realise that they should be in bed early. I think the real problem is with teenagers. When I was teaching I was really appalled at the number of children going to bed later than I did. By the age of 13 it was probably the majority of children in my form. There did seem to be a feeling among the parents that once their children reached a certain age, they could make the decisions for themselves, and I'm afraid I have to disagree with that. It DOES affect their concentration, and their temper!

NotQuiteCockney · 09/05/2006 11:46

Hmmm, sometimes the no-structure thing does work, though. A friend of mine doesn't do routine with her kids, if they don't want to sleep, they don't sleep. They're generally quite well-rested, well-behaved kids. And if they have a late party at home, well, the kids fall asleep wherever they are, when they feel like it ... much less stressful than trying to find a quiet room etc etc.

Her kids do tend to start going to bed earlier when they start school, but she doesn't impose that on them.

It's not how I choose to do things, but I think people can make it work for them.

joelalie · 09/05/2006 12:12

"Hmmm, sometimes the no-structure thing does work, though. A friend of mine doesn't do routine with her kids, if they don't want to sleep, they don't sleep. They're generally quite well-rested, well-behaved kids. And if they have a late party at home, well, the kids fall asleep wherever they are, when they feel like it ... much less stressful than trying to find a quiet room etc etc. "

Ditto NQAC. We have friends like that. They are a bit of a hippyish household I suppose and the kids just flop whenever they feel like it although there is a little more structure on school nights. When we go there with our kids for a party ours do the same. I have to say that their kids are intelligent well-behaved children doing OK at school. Sadly the day after we've been there our kids are toxic.... Maybe it's something you have to be brought up with.

Uwila · 09/05/2006 12:31

So, do you think senior school should set guidelines on bedtimes?

If my 13 year old's teacher came to me and said "DD seems very tired by the time she gets to maths in the afternoon and I think her performance might benefit if she got m ore sleep." now I would appreciate that feedback. But if the school sent out a general guideline on what time all 13 year olds are to go to bed and when they should get up, I'd throw it in the bin.

NotQuiteCockney · 09/05/2006 12:44

No, I don't think schools should set guidance! Direct feedback from the teacher, to say "hey, I think your kid is tired" is more useful and relevant anyway.

beckybrastraps · 09/05/2006 13:50

Of course it should be informal feedback. However, how would you REALLY feel if a teacher said she thought your child needed more sleep? I suspect many parents wouldd see it as criticising their parenting.

fairyjay · 09/05/2006 13:55

Puddle
Only just seen your message.
My kids are 13 and 14.
They know I mean no!!!

NotQuiteCockney · 09/05/2006 14:05

Honestly, if a teacher told me they thought my kid needed more sleep, I would probably look into why he wasn't getting enough sleep. But then, DS1 has the charming habit of getting up in the middle of the night, putting on his light, and flipping through books for a while, so I'm used to keeping an eye on his sleep.

beckybrastraps · 09/05/2006 14:08

Fair enough NQC, but if it WAS a matter of late bed times - well, I know a lot of parents who would not take it well!

Uwila · 09/05/2006 15:23

I think I would appreciate the feedback. Just as when my nanny remarks on a behaviour I have not encountered. We discuss it and agree how to tackle the situation.

But, if she never told me what was going on, it wouldn't be dealt with, and thet would be much worse.

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