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Original poster

Sperm donor children win right to trace their fathers

102 replies

melsy · 21/01/2004 08:06

What are your thoughts on this .

I feel for the children that may trace their natural birth fathers, but how will it impact them if they are rejected by someone who doesnt want to be known. Or should you then not donate. It will now make a mans decision to donate that much harder. Why do families then have to suffer the consequences of loosing a child they may have waited a long time for.
I am interested in other views on this.

OP posts:
littlerach · 21/01/2004 08:16

I think it will deter a lot of men from donating - the thought that someone may find you 18 years later (when you may have your own family) will surely put people off.
Is there the possibility that others will be put off due to fear of being asked for maintenance? Whose name goes on the birth certificate? I don't really know much about the whole business, but it seems that this will put people off.

FairyMum · 21/01/2004 08:22

I think it's ridiculous. Donating sperm does not a Father make!

Original poster
melsy · 21/01/2004 08:28

I just feel so much more for the children now I have my own. I just think it may be setting them up for a very damaging rejection and it makes me upset. I know as my husbands father left when he was 6 and didnt want to know of his children until they were 18 & 20.His now girlfriend made him contact them. I just know there is deep seeted bitterness and insecurity. He wont talk about it much and I have been with him 10 yrs.It has caused a lot of problems in our relationship emotinally. I know this is a different scenario but it creates the same reaction.

OP posts:
FairyMum · 21/01/2004 08:35

Surely if you are an active sperm donor you could potentially have thousands of children?
You can't compare this to a man who has had some sort of relationship with the mother.

Furball · 21/01/2004 08:38

Surely if a child is conceived by donated sperm, it is a wanted pregnancy, so the child may not know it's biological parents but it would be born into a loving family. I realise that people might want to know if there's any genetic health problems, but surely that should be sorted by the clinic before the donation? Also, the donor could technically if a regular donor father thousands of children, what happens then?

Original poster
melsy · 21/01/2004 08:38

I realise that , thats why I mentioned that it was a different scenario but same rejection.

Do you really feel it could be "thousands" of children???

OP posts:
Furball · 21/01/2004 08:38

Beat me to it again Fairymum!

FairyMum · 21/01/2004 08:43

Yes, it can be thousands of children. I know a very proud sperm donor in Denmark. He has been donating for a couple of decades and he is pretty sure half of all danish children are his....

Original poster
melsy · 21/01/2004 08:44

LOL Fairymum

OP posts:
Hulababy · 21/01/2004 08:49

I suspect this will all just lead to a fall in the number of donors and there is aready a shortage anyway.

If it is just about genetic medical hisotories, etc. why can't the donors fill in a form with all this data on - maybe they do already, I don't know?

Slinky · 21/01/2004 08:57

I really don't agree with sperm donors losing anonymity. Understand and agree that details of genetic disorders/illnesses should be kept and passed onto recipients.

Now I have finished my family, I had been "toying" with perhaps "egg donation" (although I may now be classed as too old) - but after today's news then I will NOT be donating.

I wouldn't want the risk of a potential child knocking on my door in years to come, claiming to be my child - and trying to claim half of my childrens' inheritance!

I personally think of sperm/egg donation as the same as blood donation. I'm quite happy to donate my blood - don't need to know where it's gone and I'm happy that it's helping someone else.

The people I feel sorry for are the potential recipients - I'm sure there will be a huge reduction in sperm donations.

Original poster
melsy · 21/01/2004 09:00

It seems that many legislations come into play withought the opinion of the general public who will have to deal with the outcomes.

OP posts:
fio2 · 21/01/2004 09:07

so your husband donates sperm, maybe before you even met him. He has fathered x amount of children through this. Then they are allowed to get in touch when they are 18. Dh since then has had x amount of children with you. How confusing is this going to be for everyone concerned.

Just out of interest, how many children on average does a sperm donor 'father'?

JanH · 21/01/2004 09:08

They interviewed a donor on the radio last night. He agreed that there could easily be 100s of his children out there and said he would never have done it if he'd known this would happen.

He also said, suppose he started interfering with all the families, saying "no you're not sending my kid to that school"!!!

It's absolutely ludicrous. All that's needed is genetic/medical information and, if it became necessary eg for a bone marrow transplant or something, the ability for the NHS or whoever to trace the donor.

The piece does say "in the future" - does that mean it's not retrospective? (Haven't read it properly). There will be far fewer donors if it goes ahead - and would you want a donor who, by implication, wanted to be involved with the child?

JanH · 21/01/2004 09:11

Oh - it says this though:

"However, biological fathers who are traced would have no financial or other obligations towards their offspring, and would not be forced to meet them if they did not wish to do so."

So what's the point?

fio2 · 21/01/2004 09:12

and if you had fathered 100's of kids how you keep up with who is who??????

udar · 21/01/2004 09:29

Somebody brought up a good point this morning on bbc breakfast, are they going to contact a donor each time a successful birth with your donation so you know that there is a child out there with your genes or do the rights only go one way.

Once I finish my family I have always considered donating an egg. I think that it will be something I might still consider but if there is no donor anonymity then I suppose I'd rather go all out meet the couple who would be utilising the egg, and be updated on progress of the child a bit like open adoption when you don't actually meet the child unless they want to but the information is open and the parents control it not the agencies.

JanH · 21/01/2004 09:35

Egg donation is a completely different kettle of - er - fish

aloha · 21/01/2004 09:37

I used to think anonymity was best, but I don't now. I think it is like adoption. Children should know how they were born, I think it is a basic human right. I think not to tell is like pretending an adopted child is your biological child, which used to be common. The law says that only 10 children can be born as a result of one donor's sperm so there won't be hundreds of children, and just as in adoption, if children at the age of 18 choose to seek out their donor father the father will have no legal rights or responsibiliies over the child and the child will have no financial claim over the father. I think it is hard to imagine the void in some people's lives when they do not know who their biological mother or father is. Some people are tortured by it their whole lives long - there are support groups for them. Often they look totally different to their birth families and 'feel' different too. 80% of adopted children seek out their birth parents and of those, 85% say it was a positive experience. I think the children born of sperm donation are the people here with no choices and no options at present and I do think that should change. There will be no right of contact until 18 - just as in adoption, so we will be talking about people who I think should have the right to know who their biological parents are. Lots of adopted children seek out a birth mother/father/siblings but they don't stop loving their adoptive parents. I think honesty is definitely the best policy in families. BTW Austria and Sweden both have this police (that children born of donated sperm have the right to contact their donor father at the age of 18) and it is said that neither country has seen a fall in the numbers of donors. It is made clear to the donors that any children born of their donation may contact them in future and some claim that this has actually made for more informed, responsible donors.

secur · 21/01/2004 09:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

WSM · 21/01/2004 09:52

Totally agree secur, I think these new rules will put many off donating.

Hulababy · 21/01/2004 09:53

The news piece this morning said that it definietly wouldn't be done retrospectively.

fio2 · 21/01/2004 09:57

sorry to sound dumb but who is put on the birth certificate when sperm is anonymously donated?

I can see that people would want to know that they were conceived in this way and may want to know who their bio father is. But it is just so so complicated and is going to be upsetting for many people.

fio2 · 21/01/2004 09:59

Fathers name I mean

WSM · 21/01/2004 10:00

I assume 'unknown' is used in that case Fio, same as when a mother chooses not to put the father on whether she knows him or not in the case of a 'naturally' concieved child.