Body image: girls as young as five now routinely worry about their weight and appearance

[KateMumsnet]

Hello there

We thought you might like to see this report from the All Party Parliamentary Group on body image. The report says that over half of us now have body image issues, and that girls as young as five now routinely worry about their weight. And it seems as though the problem is now increasingly affecting boys - about half of girls and up to a third of boys have dieted to lose weight.

The report lays much of the blame on the media, but also notes that children tend to absorb their parents' own body image problems. It's called for mandatory body image and self-esteem lessons for children at primary and secondary school.

Do let us know your thoughts - does this ring true with your family's experience? And what else can be done - by parents or anyone else - to help children maintain a healthy sense of what's attainable, in terms of the 'impossible ideal' that surrounds them in advertising and the media?

Thanks

MNHQ

Mandatory body image and self-esteem lessons at primary school will sit nicely at odds with the false dichotomy they've set up between good and bad foods.

I have a 5yo dd who has been brought up in a house without diets being mentioned. DD has always seen food as a sociable or pleasurable thing. She understands that it is fuel. She understands balance.

Or at least she did.

On starting school, she entered this world where food is split into good/bad. Packed lunches are a minefield. Certain items are banned. No cake, no flapjack, nothing, even if homemade and wholemeal/healthy. These foods are BAD. DD comes home and tells me that xyz will make you fat. She becomes wary around food. We doggedly continue with a healthy attitude to food where moderation, balance and a healthy and active lifestyle all add up to a positive body image and enjoyment of life.

And then the school has a competition to design a healthy eating poster. And they're displayed in the local Tesco. And it's a wall of pictures of 'cake is BAD, chips are BAD, with a childlike drawing of an obese man with no teeth eating a cake and a corresponding picture of a smiling child eating an apple. Bloody marvellous. This is not education. This is unfair and unhealthy polarisation.

And then while you're shopping you can have a look at the little colour wheels on the food packaging which patronisingly tell you what's good and what's bad. Pasta has a glaring red thing on it. As do eggs and some nuts. Because (as my 5yo dd will sadly tell you) they're fattening mummy. No. Eating too much and doing too little is fattening.

I don't deny that there's a problem. I don't blame the school entirely. The media oh I could rant for hours. But dd started school at 4yo and impressionable. We tell her that the school is there to teach her, that she is to listen to her teacher. And she comes home at her tiny age and she is starting to fear food and her own body because it's changing or her clothes become snug and my darling 5yo asks 'am I fat?'

We've just had the routine reception weighing and measuring too. DD was pleased to 'pass' the test. She's perfectly in proportion. Her best friend, unbeknownst to her is borderline obese. She's a whippet thin and you can see her ribs. Her mother has had a warning letter about her dd needing to diet. She is seriously tiny, not an ounce of fat on her. Yes there's a childhood obesity problem and it needs tackling. Is this the way to do it? I suspect not.

Oh, don't get me started on the weighing/measuring thing Showy! It seems to me ot be a fairly common observation that a child puts on some weight just before a growth spurt - I have 3 DDs and have seen this with all of them, and can see it in my friends' children too. So, a child gets weighed at one of these points in their life and gets the label of 'borderline obese' and the parents start fretting about what they're eating. Dear God, they're growing. Having a bit of fuel onboard helps

Well duh! Of course they do, they are WEIGHED AT FIVE. My daughter and one other girl were the only ones from a class of 42 who opted out of the weighing scheme. It's pathetic and not helpful. You can easily see who the fat kids are and if it as my child I'd far rather a direct approach from the teacher than weigh everyone and make them paranoid so no-one feels singled out (initially).

Well said Show of Hands.

My dd who is 6 can "chant" the school propaganda about good food and bad food that makes you fat. At one point she refused to eat meat because it had fat in it or on it. That came from school and not from the family. No mention of essential fat for development and growth.

She would eat fruit and vegetables non stop given the choice but no one has told her about the lack of essential vitamins that she would have if that was her only diet.

She constantly talks about being fat which she isn't and doing more exercise to work off the fat. This is the child who swims with a swimming club, plays tennis, plays football and dances.

I am not against education of good dietary practice and indeed it's something I should practice better but I think it needs to be better balanced with positive benefits of eating and exercise and what is essential and what can be eaten in moderation with no "bad" effects.

I used to run a brownie group they were brilliant at knowing what they were supposed to eat. Just meant they viewed all the "bad things as treats, something associated with rewards, parties and celebrations" bad food equalled fun times.

15 years later the amount of fuss is just making this 1000 times worse.

my dsinlaw had a follow up of the weiging thing in reception, wherte dd was flagged up as obesse. the follow up was at 6 and she was warned to watch her dds weight as she has a shoe size of 2 at six and that this is not average and her shoe size indicates that of a child 2 years older and so by defaualt she much larger than her peers, therefore her weight is an issue . Dsisinlaw cant controle her chi;ds shoe size ffs.

On the other hand I do think a healthy and possitive body image is important but not as young as 5. My dd is very athletic and she guages her body image on wether she has the same 6 pack as her 10 year old male cousin, now 6 pack is not a term she has heared from me, probably came from her 10 year old cousin, but I do worry that this indicates boys and girls have a very high bar for them selfs.

i think education should be targeted to individual families who require such interventions and allow the rest of us to just get with bringing our children up the way we see fit as a family. so long as my dd understands the importance of eatine well (balanced) and being active, she will maintain a healthy body and mind.

i dont think any food should be treated as a reward either.

I really worry about my seven year old stepson. He's slightly underweight (premature, endlessly fidgets) and worries about getting fat and being unhealthy. His mum has a completely healthy attitude as do DH and I but it feels we're endlessly having to counter the awful messages he gets at school.

We regularly discuss how healthy what we're giving him is as he needs reassuring. The sad thing is he needs to be eating a bit more but we don't want to make an issue of it (and he's not at risk underweight, just a little bit).

I'm a frightened he's at risk of an eating disorder and I've no idea what to do. He believes his teachers and aside from in this area they're great at giving support for his dyspraxia

Mandatory lessons sounds like overkill, don't schools have enough to do already?

It doesn't ring that true, seem that widespread, in my experience.
I'm not saying it's not true for many, I can't know that. But I don't see 10yo DD or her best mates as that looks conscious. 12yo DS resists showing his legs, that is about fitting in with styles rather than thinking there's anything wrong with his legs (they do come out for view on hot days & at the beach).

I listened with interest to the news reports this morning & thought of the factors mentioned:
Sleb culture, media images, advertising, peer pressure, parents' views.

I can and do heavily influence DC's exposure to 4 of those, the other one (peer beliefs) we can openly discuss. "Just because your friends' (or their parents) do/believe stupid things doesn't mean I have to" is my repeat mantra. I should probably point out more often how often advertising images have been air brushed, it's not like we're looking at genuine pictures!

I feel a bit about this being discussed on MN; plenty of scruffbags like me on here happy to look as we do, but plenty of folk who openly sneer at folk like us, too; let's not be surprised at what gets reaped. I don't see how you can go around being greatly concerned with own looks, and perhaps also keen to criticise other peoples' appearances, without passing on that value/priority/insecurity to your children.

Agree about the 'good food'/'bad food' labels.

My 3 DCs all eat a range of foods and all eat a sensible amount for their size. I do not diet, I am a bit overweight, but don't obsess about it and never comment on it in front of them. I eat anything I fancy really, and run 3 times a week.

DS2 (7) has a similar lunch and dinner portion to his younger sister who's 5, he is also the most fond of fruit and veg and has adventurous tastes. He is quite stocky and I struggle to lift him as he's so 'solid' but definitely not 'over-weight'. He is active and does karate, swimming and loves going out on his bike. He worries that he is fat.

DS1 (12) has always been very skinny, to the point of looking quite unhealthy at times. He eats healthy adult sized meals and has done for a few years, and now being at secondary school, eats bacon rolls/donuts in addition to his packed lunch and buys sweets/fizzy when out with friends. He is still very skinny and is out skateboarding for hours on end so quite physically active. He worries that he is fat when his skin rolls on his tummy. He worries that he is too skinny when he looks at his little arms and his ribs sticking out

DD eats like a bird most of the time and is 'just right', not too big or small, 50th centile bang on and always has been. She will however hide under her bed and eat every easter egg (including her DBs'!) in one sitting. she calls her DB fat and says that she has to look very girly and pretty so that she can get a boyfriend

They can only be getting this from school/friends/media. It goes against everything I believe in for them to be concerned about their physical appearance.

This obsession that food is the enemy, that eating 'bad' food makes you fat is totally wrong. I know there are limits, but really most sensible parents know if their child is over-weight or whether its a growth-spurt thing, or a metabolic thing or a general life-style thing. Those who are incapable of sorting it out themselves should be helped. The rest of us should be left alone.

Interesting posts.
I wool in CAMHS and we are seeing a huge increase in children with eating disorders starting at much younger than previously.....these days we often see 7,8,9 year olds presenting with full blown anorexia or who are clinically anxious about food and eating, or who have acute low self esteem related to body image.
I strongly suspect that this is related to the experiences above, along with media saturation regarding idealised body image.
The situation is dire - I predict a massive increase in childhood eating disorders and body image related anxiety disorders in the next few years.

Gah, WORK in CAMHS

We have to work very hard with DS1 (8), who has ASD and a lot of anxiety issues, which he often takes out on food because it's something he can control easily. He's hyperactive and needs a lot of calories in a day so we work on a premise that food is for fuel so he has energy to get through the dayand for nutrition so he can grow up healthy. No food is "bad food" but certain foods, like chocolate, are definitely "sometimes food" that are nice to enjoy occasionally but not every meal. What we strsess as important is eating a "balanced" diet which makes him feel healthy and energetic.

I do wish schools wouldn't promote this polarised image of "good" and "bad" foods because it's very easy for kids (and some older people) to take the wrong way. Even the emphasis on bran and "wholemeal" is OTT because, while wholegrains are more nutritious than refined grains and white flour, they're not always tolerated well by immature digestive systems.

I ignore packed lunch restrictions. The days he has school dinners, there's red meat or pastry on the menu almost every day and cake of some sort every single day. On his packed lunch days (when he won't touch anything on the menu) he becoems anxious about the change in routine and often won't eat lunch, anyway, so i always put in a packet of hula hoops or crisps so he has something edible to give him energy for the journey home.

I'm sure the blame isn't 100% in the hands of "healthy eating" promotions in school and elsewhere, though. So many of the women I used to work with would have nothing more than a tiny bit of salad or soup for lunch and always be on some diet or other and if I've picked up on this, I'm sure their kids would. Then there's adults I've met with the opposite "feeder" attitude who pass that onto their kids, who end up being poked at for their weight. I think that, as a society, we have lost sight of what is meant by "balance"

My child is the greediest skinniest child there is. I teach my child that they are beautiful the way they are and hopefully that will give them confidence in their body and not worry about their body image.
We dont talk about diets in our house we talk about eating healthily.
I think body image classes or teaching children about airbrushing, anorexia and that everybody has a different body shape is a good idea. When my child gets to an age where they understand about airbrushing and magazines i will explains to them that what you see is probably not what they really look like.

ouryve, my 11yo niece has Asperger's and has a lot of anxiety about food. She will starve herself, then binge and then meltdown and swallow gravel to punish herself. She is obsessed with being fat.

I cant help but feel that this is being tackled in the wrong way. Yes, its a step in the right direction but who are children going to be most influenced by, a teacher or these 'beautiful people' that everyones told to idolise in the media?

Its very well being taught about positive body image in school but when you think of the ammount of money and thinking that goes into the media these days your fighting a losing battle. Why not fight the monster head on and get rid of the 'impossible ideal' instead of just being told to cover your eyes and stick your fingers in your ears.

This just smacks of it being easier to implement classes than deal with the root cause of the problem.

There's naff all use in a teacher telling kids they should be happy as they are, when the world and its dog are telling them the opposite.

please see my thread in AIBU.

My nutty ex-SIL is of the opinion that I should be taking a 10 year old to have her legs waxed.

Ridiculous.

Bump

"Does my bum look big in this?"

It?s become a joke ? we laugh, but it hurts.

Worry about weight and appearance is so all pervasive that we hardly question it.

The focus ought to be on what creates this anxiety ? not on how can we live with it, or how we can reduce it by losing weight and altering appearance.

My daughter is still young enough to inhabit her body in total comfort. It is not that she is not conscious of her body ? she is deliciously aware of it. She delights in it. She likes to adorn it, to change outfit several times a day, to dance and run and jump and climb, to wriggle and wallow in a bath, to prance about naked. Her body is an uncomplicated source of pleasure for her.

But something terrible is going to happen to her. She is going to learn to judge her body, to wish it were different, and probably to expend effort, time and money trying to alter it.

No matter how much we love her, and love the way she looks, and let her know this, other forces are at work that will cut across all this and destroy her easy self-acceptance.

Before they even reach their teens, most girls have a troubled relationship with their bodies. They worry about how they look, about being fat, about having hair in the wrong places, about not being tanned, about their size, their skin, their hair, their nose, their bum.

Many teenage girls already have a regime of painting their faces, shaving and straightening. Most girls have tried skipping meals and eating less in attempts to be thinner.

Children are fed a constant diet of images showing them how we are meant to look and behave. Greater importance seems to be given to how we seem and what we have, rather than what we do or who we are. ritesforgirls.com/aspiring-to-the-impossible/

I am outraged at the damage that will befall my daughter. I am incensed at the harm that has already been done to me ? to how I see myself, how I think about myself, how hard I have to work to love this here body, exactly as it is.

We can talk about the influences on us to look a certain way, and how we do not want to bow to them, but to be honest, I really cannot see how I can arm my daughter with the enormous self-confidence required to withstand the pressures. As their awareness grows, teens have a lot to contend with ? they deserve all our love and support.

I know that one way to guide my daughter through those vulnerable teen years with a good body image intact would be for me to call a ceasefire in the insidious war that has been waging between me and my body all these years. I wish that was simple.

Never known a child of five who actually sits down to either read a newspaper or watch the current news. From whom did they drag this info from. Our children are increasingly taught propaganda in our primary schools. Disgraceful.

It is always fascinating to hear how schools are to blame for any problem in society.

If you look at the National Curriculum and the old QCA documentation that many schools will still be using whilst waiting for the government to decide on what should be taught in schools then you will see what is recommended that teachers currently teacher. The emphasis is on eating a balanced and varied diet which includes foods which are high in fat and sugar (like cake, chocolate, etc) occasionally. It also talks about the importance of drinking water and also looking at diets that may be different to their own like a vegetarian diet.

I can see nothing controversial in all of this. Children often take things they have heard or seen and interpret it in a slightly different way than an adult.

Teacher bashing is such a fun sport

I blame Capitalism.

It's not just teenage girls who suffer from this. Now that businesses are looking to expand their markets, they are now targeting boys to make them insecure and hate themselves as much as girls, so they too can buy more bullshit in a futile attempt to make themselves feel better about themselves.

My lovely niece is twelve. At six, she told me that when she grows up, she wants to be 'thin'. My DSis is morbidly obese, and my niece was bullied as a result.

At six she started exhibiting (IMHO) eating disordered behaviour. She lied about intake, put food in her mouth to spit it out in the loo and so on. Now she binges, is still lying about her food and disappears to the loo immediately after a meal - I think she is purging. She's also incredibly finicky about food and moves food round her plate to disguise what she's not eating.

She's a lovely, intelligent girl but has realised that to fit in, you must be thin. And balls to the risks to your health and wellbeing.

There needs to be much more emphasis on health, not weight. Weight is just one signifier of health. I don't think children absorb the nuanced message that eating 'bad' food is okay occasionally - they are very black or white in their thinking. Foods are not bad or good - they are all okay in moderation.

I would like children to be educated about eating disorders and the effects on their health. It is better that children be slightly overweight and healthy than the 'ideal' weight and purging.

I fear for my niece and other children like her. We are damaging children's potential as rounded, happy human beings if we focus so narrowly on one aspect of their health and appearance.

I am a Certified Self-esteem Coach for children and what I see is an err in the school's approach to issues such as these. Babies are born with only the subconscious part of the mind and it is wide open, you can put anything in it. Newborn babies are the purest form of human being because they are not influenced by their outer world. That's why they say 'if you want the truth ask a child'. Once the child reaches 5 or 6 and can think for themselves they will think in a way which is in conjunction with what they have seen and heard throughout the first few years of their lives. Then they start to be influenced by their outer world such as school, peers etc. So, as parents and our child's first teachers, we have raised them to have a healthy attitude toward things like food, but then once they reach school they are given another set of values to abide by. It then becomes a minefield for the poor little mites.
I do think lessons in self-esteem would teach children that body image is not the be all and end all and that they also have a marvelous mind and spirit which will serve them well when they reach adulthood. I also think these lessons may pave the path to a new approach by the government and schools. I think it's about giving children a voice and allowing them to make their own choices where appropriate and I think that if we, as parents, have set the positive foundations; then, with the support of the school, they will make healthy and balanced choices.