Controlled Crying - stress levels stay high even when babies have learned to settle themselves.

[Codandchops]

OMG!!!

Even worse is that I could not bear to leave my DS as a baby so used to sit in the room and re-settle him every 5 mins. How shit is that? He could see me for 5 mins at a time not comforting him (even though after every 5 mins I did comfort him).

Have always felt an irrational guilt about DS's autism and wonder if I made things worse .

Need to read the research and look at numbers involved.

if I stayed with DS he would get more and more and more and more wound up and more awake but exhausted - this would go on for as long as I was there, hours even!

if I left him, after a few mins the screaming dies down to a whimper, another few mins and he's snoring!

I'm sitting on the fence. I did controlled crying with visits every few mins for eldest but with my other two we all just slept together and muddled through. The CC was heart breaking BUT it lasted two days and then she was much happier and less exhausted after that. Life was routine and she thrived. With my younger kids, it was really hard going getting them to sleep though. I loved cuddling up to them at night but they used to try and fight sleep and I was so utterly exhausted for much longer.

Haha I love my DC's little prisons cots. Do what you like it's no one else's business. I for one have zero patience for the under 3s with no sleep. Whatever works. My chIldren cry sometimes. I love my children. Why do people have to spend soooooo long justifying their parenting decisions to others. Child healthy, happy and rested? Then job done. However you get there.

I'm not convinced a six month old baby understands 'Mum goes away Mum comes back'. It's been a while since I've looked at the research but I'm sure I recall that concept comes a lot later.

Having a baby who takes ages to go to sleep or who keeps waking up in the night is knackering. But it's very important to understand infant development and to ensure methods that are recommended to parents are not in any way unkind. Human babies are extremely dependent on their primary carers, hugely so compared to our fellow apes. We need a method that can balance the baby's need for comfort and reassurance with the modern adult human's need for unbroken sleep (something that is very recent in evolutionary terms).

why is the adult humans need for sleep 'very recent in evolutionary terms' did we not need sleep back in the stone age?

Damnit, I must be really evolved.

Good posts edam and funnyloves

I too have a very evolved need for sleep. About 10 hours a night if that's OK in evolutionary terms.

Ok then, so could someone please tell me what I could have done to get my dd to sleep.

She wouldn't
*feed to sleep
*rocking and patting didn't work

• used pick up, put down method *co-sleeping didn't work *sleep in the car or pushchair

While also pokes herself in the eyes and pulls her own hair to keep herself awake.

Anyone?

Tell GP her next viral rash is a bit itchy. Get antihistamines perscription. Administer before bed. HTH helps, blackout. ;)

I am going to start my own sleep clinic. Ha bloody ha.

blackout I'd cuddle her close and give her soft blanket to stroke with her hands and when he went to poke her eyes or pull her hair, I'd hold her hands in mine and hush her or sing/him lullaby (we do Brahms). I wouldn't talk or make eye contact and I'd slowly hum quieter and quieter. Then I'd breathe nice and slowly and calmly.. By the time I've counted 200 breaths they're are usually asleep.

Re the eye poking and hair pulling. Poor girl.

Wait it out. dS2 was a horror. He is much better now he is past his first birthday. Hope blackouts dc is younger than one! If not, er, hock diamonds and employ night nanny?

Ooo another one for my special clinic. Any other problems for Bringme? :)

Blackout like DS2. Screamed as a tiny baby no matter what. At the supermarket someone commented 'oh he is very alert isn't he' at 4 weeks old. Yes he fucking is and he screams all night. Now he is 2.4 and as bright as a button and very funny. Don't explain yourself. Folk here who are not stressed and tired as a parent are lying or really lucky

oh ,lol, bringme why did I not think of Medised. Tis a marvel

Oh I don't care if someone judges me for CC it worked, and I would do it again if I had to.

She has hayfever now so the drugs don't even work

No she is 14 months now and goes to bed at 6pm and wakes up at 8am

my lovely cc Ds's go to sleep at about 8pm and wake at about 8am. Lovely lovely sleep zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

It's all so much bollocks, I really really resent the whole "you must put your children's needs before yours" brigade. Obviously parents are very protective of children and would gladly jump in front of a bus to save them, this is a normal reaction to having vulnerable people in your care that you love deeply.

Completely subsuming your own needs and wants in favour of your children is not normal, it's like that horrid P&G advert "always in the background, never the focus" fuck that for a game of soldiers.

Surely people have children to actually live life with them, not to just shape some kind of super race.

I don't actually give a shiny shite what prehistoric people did, if you are so concerned about it, live in a cave and hunt for your food, bet you won't have time for your wanky blog then.

Have them in your bed/leave them to cry awhile it's not some kind of lifestyle statement, it's a coping mechanism, children are resilient, they may be fucked up in the future, maybe caused by you maybe not, wtf can you do though, it's impossible to control everything that the children come into contact with. Just do what you want and stop blathering about it.

"The baby/toddler years last for such a short time in the bigger picture,"

heheheh

i have been doing 'baby/toddler' since July 2007.

without pause. some people do a run like that without any kind of sleep training.

I didn't - but why should i ? this study gives me no reason to do otherwise.

edam is right having a long uninterrupted sleep is recent, we used to sleep in shorter chunks throughout the 24hr period, more like 4hrs.

and in the early months there is a lot of brain development etc as i said earlier in the thread the book 'why love matters' by sue gerhardt is an interesting read, i dont think cc done properly i with reassurance every few mins and once over 12mths would be a problem as long as the child it loved and cared for in the day and still gets reassurance ie going in every 2-5mins. but for younger babiesa nd leaving them to cry for longer periods i really dont think is a good idea tbh.

interestingly my dp has been doing some training recenlty (he works in child protection) and the child psychologists that he has met dont recomend it under 12mths at all and even once over 12mths it has to be done correctly and with lots of reassurance.

Oh dear dd is doomed, I did it when she was 7 months, with the full blessing of my HV.

i wouldnt say a chid was doomed and that isnt what i said but it can affect their emotional developmetn and coping techiniques ie how htey deal with stress in later life, like i said read the book :)

the book is about how a babies early relationships shapes the baby's nervous system and how the devolpment of hte brain determines future emotional well being and specific early 'pathways' that can affect how we respond to stress etc.

for most babies who have otherwise loving caring parents who help them to have loving attachments and relationships its probably fine (if done correctly and with lots of reassurance) but leaving a young baby to cry for long periods is not a good idea.

Nice post duckypoohs so the fact that I don't do cc or CIO and cosleep makes me part of a brigade does it. Holy shit, I belong to so many fucking brigades here then...

But you know what I doing give a donkeyrapingshineyshiteating toss if following my children's needs makes me some sort of zealot. I'd much rather than rant about some parents who choose to put the needs of their child above watching some crap on tv/have a piss up/make the house look pretty.

I am in a very lucky position of being a sahm and as a mum of 3 aged 12,4 and 7 months I'm not blind to the fact that sometimes they just cry. What I won't ever do tho is decide that I'll ignore them crying as they need to "learn"... Learn what fgs? How to show a lack of empathy? How when you are vulnerable your parents will not respond? Sorry rambling now..

I think each parent should do as they feel best. For us it's responsive.

Oh an I've have toddler baby since winter 2007 and no sleep training

Back to when dd had her sleep problems, I wouldn't have been able to read anything. Chances are I wouldn't have been able to tell my arse from my elbow

Like I said up thread, dd also had reflux so screamed non stop yet I've not seeing a study linking reflux to emotional well being.