I caught some of it - a birthmother who had been in touch with her son, and an adoptee who was working in a voluntary capacity for a post-adoption organisation. These organisations are very good as they work with what is called the "adoption triangle" birthmother, adoptive mother, and adoptee.
It is so sad that so many girls were forced to give up their baby for adoption in the 50s 60s and into the 70s. I would have had to give up my son (born in 1967 and me not married) had it not been for the love and support of my parents.
In my work as a social worker I often worked with adult adoptees who were trying to trace their birth mother, and bms trying to trace their adopted children. It was of course a minefield and it was a very bumpy ride for some of these people with emotions running very high. One of the interesting things that we discovered was that if a bm finally traced a son, there would on occasions be a relationship that became very emotionally close, and caused great jealousy between the bm and her partner/husband. I worked with a bm who found her adopted son and they spent hours talking to each other on the phone several times a week and she told me her husband was fed up with it.
She then told me that she and her son had arranged to spend a weekend together and did I think this was a good idea. I said I wasn't sure and it would in all probability make her husband annoyed or even jealous. Intuitively I knew that this bm (who was very attractive) was falling in love with her son, but I couldn't trust my intuition. However we found out from other LAs and adoption support organisations that this had become quite a widespread phenomona (there was a term that was used but I can't remember it now) On hearing this I told the bm that I didn't think it was a good idea to spend the weekend together. However I called one morning by appointment (and she had forgotten) but she came downstairs in a dressing gown looking very flushed and alarmed that I was on the doorstep. I knew what was happening.
I talked it through with colleagues and we agreed there was nothing we could do about it, other than to warn bms that this could happen. The bm said she did not need any more support so I don't know what happened.
A few months later I saw on the TV that Claire Short (Labour MP for Ladywood in Birmingham) had been reunited with her adoption son, and she was actually putting her arm right up his coat sleeve.....we agreed at work next day that this could be the start of an emotional r.ship. I think it can be understood in terms of remembering how we wanted to kiss our babies all over and feel them all over etc and these bms were prevented from doing this, and so it came out years later when they were reunited. The bm on WH this morning said she had been told off by a nun in the Mother & Baby Home for kissing her child and told if she had wanted a baby to keep she should have got married first.
I was treated very badly in the small maternity home in my hometown when my son was born in 1967. There was a sister (who really was called sister Dick) and she was cruel and when I said the pain was bad she said "you should have thought of that before you fornicated" and told me at 9.00 in the morning when I was in labour that I was going to be there all day and all night and the pain would get much worse.......my son was born at 11.10 am. She must have known how far gone I was in labour. I will never forget that - cruel woman.
Ah well - good old days eh - I think not
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