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Babies 'should sleep in mother's bed until age three' (Telegraph)

251 replies

Teaandcakeplease · 28/10/2011 09:07

Admittedly its the Torygraph but what do you ladies make of this? Interesting.

www.telegraph.co.uk/health/children_shealth/8854674/Babies-should-sleep-in-mothers-bed-until-age-three.html

OP posts:
kipperandtiger · 28/10/2011 19:57

Torygraph needed a space filler - and more traffic in their comments section! Grin

PenguinArmy · 28/10/2011 20:22

Just today I sat and agreed when the HV mentioned baby should be in a separate bed (we've been co-sleeping since the first night). This was despite the fact that the hospital pointed out how to co-sleep (without prompting was just explained to me when I entered the post-natal ward) and even gave out a leaflet for how to safely co-sleep (although if BF)

I did exactly the same with DC1. At that point we hadn't co-slept but I fully intended to when DH went back to work so I could carry on sleeping in the mornings.

As it happened DC1 was one who could switch between bed and cot although would have phases where only one would work. So far, DC2 hasn't gone down and stayed asleep anywhere except for against my chest.

GothAnneGeddes · 28/10/2011 20:24

Leonie - Most data on Kangaroo Care is in comparison to premature babies being kept in incubators on NNU, not to term babies at home with their parents. Look at the history of kangaroo care.

Premature babies often have long term effects due to the stressful environment of the NNU as well as the other physical effects of being premature. Kangaroo care is one of the methods being tried to try to prevent this.

Also a full Cochrane study of the available research was done on Kangaroo Care. They could not definitively prove that it had positive benefits, just that it did not harm the babies, however anecdotally, it is very good for parental bonding on the NNU and certainly the babies do seem to enjoy it.

So stop scaremongering and misinterpreting research.

Goldrill · 28/10/2011 20:25

Well, I co-sleep and I would rather not! DD is 11 months and starts off in a cot next to the bed, from where she migrates whenever she needs a night feed - last month she was sleeping through and coming in at 6:30 before I get up for work, which was fab. Now she's waking at 2:30 or 5 ish and coming in. I don't sleep well when she's there, and it really buggers my back. I would also LOVE to go to bed and read, but can't do that as it would wake her. We're TTC the next one too and it's not helping!

But I work 4 days a week and on those days hardly see her: I just can't bring myself to not have her near at night too (if she needs a night feed I would also rather do it in bed as am v lazy!). I keep making plans to move her but I just can't do it: logically it's the right thing to do but instinctively it feels totally wrong.

So more confusion than smugness here!

ArthurPewty · 28/10/2011 20:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

girliefriend · 28/10/2011 20:31

I found that article interesting in as much as it confirmed why I am not convinced that co-sleeping is a good idea!!

The fact that the foundation for study into infant deaths is against it says it all really.

ArthurPewty · 28/10/2011 20:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fiventhree · 28/10/2011 20:36

Well, I did this with just one of my five- the last, now aged nearly 11. He was three when he left our bed and the room soon after.

Lovely at the time. Im not convinced by the cot death argument.

But how I regret it now!

He has been a bugger about sleep ever since. Until 2 years ago he would insist on sleeping in a siblings bed until they got cross, and now he is just very difficult to get to sleep at night, and reads far too late.

No problems in this department with the four older ones, who were in out bed for no more than 6-9 months.

MrsHeffley · 28/10/2011 21:05

I had 3 under 18 months,no way on earth would I have wanted to co-sleep with my 3.I need my sleep waaaaay too much.My bed just wouldn't have been big enough,would never have relaxed for fear of smothering(which they would have picked up on)and actually I never needed to. All were in our room for the first year. All 3 fab sleepers very early on.

As for behavior problems-seriouslyHmm,methinks personality and parenting have a tad more to do with that than where baby slept in the early years.

Really think something needs to be done about these endless "studies" lecturing us all on how to parent.

brdgrl · 28/10/2011 21:10

goldrill it sounds like you really want to make the move but you feel some guilt about it? would it help if you found a way to 'move time'? Can you find an hour during DD's waking time, when you would ordinarily be doing something else, and spend that with her, then make up whatever task you missed after she's gone to sleep in her own room? (am i making any sense?) Could you even ask about switching your work schedule by an hour or two? Maybe you'd feel less guilt about having some time and space to yourself in the night if you could squeeze even a tiny bit more time in on those 4 days that trouble you. (i have two days a week when my DH looks after DD so I can work, and i know the feeling!)

i can't sleep with DD in the room, she just won't settle. the last time i tried was in a hotel room, so complete disruption from routine anyway! but i had so been lookig forward to her going to sleep and then being able to lie in a hotel bed and read a crap novel...nope! worst night of sleep ever.

nethunsreject · 28/10/2011 21:13

Ds2 co-sleeps. Ds1 wouldn't after the first months. It makes sense to me to co sleep, especially early on. I completely recognise that it isn't everyone's cup of tea though.

It IS very nice to see some positive co-sleeping press coverage for a change, insead of the sensational 'I squashed my kid' story. But unfortunately the same papers/tv programmes will use these as a stick to beat parents (specifically Mothers) with, whatever their situation/choice.

rusmum · 28/10/2011 21:25

Each to their own- whatever works for you, i co-slept (unwillingly) for 18months then had to force dd2 out as i did my back in sleeping (awkwardly) with her night after night. Plus i was exhausted as i just didnt sleep!

brdgrl · 28/10/2011 21:28

I find it interesting (and i do NOT mean this in a snarky way, at all!) that the pro-co-sleeping mums feel that the 'mum climate' in general is so anti-co-sleeping. I think there is an awful lot of pro-co-sleeping talk out there; in fact I have personally encountered more pressure to co-sleep than i have the opposite. I am not saying that this is the way it is for everyone, just observing how different perceptions can be. Maybe it has a lot to do with where one lives or simply what one's peers are doing...most of my friends do co-sleep, so perhaps that is just what my slice of reality looks like.

or maybe it is just that 'damned if you do, damned if you don't' thing going on...

pigletmania · 28/10/2011 21:35

Noway would it have worked for me, dd was very active and as she got older into toddlerhood would kick, hit and be very restless in her sleep, none of us could get a proper nights sleep. Her own bed in her own room was the best place for her. I just would be worried about smothering the baby when i am deeply tired and exhausted. I would rather put the baby in a cot a know that they will be safe, than on my chest.

pigletmania · 28/10/2011 21:36

Yes I have read of babies being smothered whilst on their mums chest, as they fall asleep, no drugs, alcohold involved, just the mum being very very tired.

Babieseverywhere · 28/10/2011 22:07

Only 3 years !

Will someone tell 5 years old DD1 who occasionally joins us mid-night and 3 years old DS who always joins us over night.

Obviously 1 year old DD2 is alright staying put for the time being ;)

Babieseverywhere · 28/10/2011 22:09

pigletmania, Sadly it is known that being very tired is not compatible with cosleeping. One of the safety rules, is not to share the bed with a baby if you are overtired or exhausted. :(

pigletmania · 28/10/2011 22:24

That is what I would be scared of babies when the mum is just so exhausted and falls into a deep sleep that they are not aware of things.

pigletmania · 28/10/2011 22:25

I would love to have dd 4.5 in bed with us but she sleeps better in her bed, and now thati am 7 moths pg i don't want her kicking me in my stomach and hitting me in her sleep.

pigletmania · 28/10/2011 22:26

I had to move her into her room as even when we turned over or breathed she would wake up. I am dreading it when we have dc2 what her sleep will be like.

DollyFlop · 28/10/2011 22:38

I know that no one knows why SIDS occurs, but what is the theory about why co-sleeping may cause it?

I know that people say that the baby may over heat or get smothered, but surely these factors would be easy to determine on post-mortem, and therefore would not be unexplained.

catslikefelix · 28/10/2011 22:48

Can I just congratulate LeonieD on her calm, measured responses in the face of some nasty,angry comments. I'd much rather be her cosleeping baby than the child of some of the 'angrier' parents on here! Why are cosleepers smug? I am so relieved to have something to counter the eons of rubbish about the dangers of cosleeping and can't fathom the mothers who think that their (probably) adult partner needs more nocturnal comfort than a baby!! If it's not for you thats fine but please try to be a bit more open minded about the valid choices of others and a practice that is historically the norm.

scottishmummy · 28/10/2011 22:59

Here's an idea do what intuitively suits.mine all had own cot and own nursery from birth

lolajane2009 · 28/10/2011 23:02

Tbh I'm only co sleeping as we all sleep better like that as my 8wk old son is breastfeeding.

brdgrl · 28/10/2011 23:12

can't fathom the mothers who think that their (probably) adult partner needs more nocturnal comfort than a baby!!

see? this is why we can't have nice things.

is this really what you have taken from the posts here? (not that adults' ability to get some sleep so that they can properly care for a child or do their jobs is immaterial...)

what i see, mainly, is people saying "hey, let's not rubbish the choices of others", people saying "here is my experience as a co-sleeping/non-co-sleeping parent" and people pointing out that this particular study, at least, is badly presented and that this particular study, at least, in no way actually supports the notion of co-sleeping as a superior practice for all babies. and i see gothannegeddes quite reasonably pointing out how an article has been misinterpreted. (perhaps she ought to be congratulated, if we are handing out gold stars...)