Oh, I'm so sorry I depressed everyone.
Jimjams, I think (can't really remember anything atm) you said that your son might not benefit from ABA, but... if you'd like, I can email my sister in law (husband's sister) who has a son the same age as yours with autism (some of the things you describe about yours sound similar to hers) and get you guys in touch. She set up an ABA program for her son (not state funded, unfortunately). She's just recently helped me out with some things-- as she was talking, I thought of you (esp with a game designed to help kids accept that certain things are "impossible" sometimes) and I'm going to email her soon for advice about my son's speech problems. (Thanks for the Babytalk recommendation, by the way.) I'm not very close to her and haven't been able to get to Chicago to see my nephews for over two years, so can't give you a great deal of detail. I'm sorry if I haven't offered this before! I think I had in my mind that you weren't looking for ABA ... sometimes I get very very confused. My brother in law (sister's husband) was also an ABA therapist and might be able to make recommendations, if you'd like?
I like my sister in law, but she's a bit ott. Her first reaction to my worrying about my son's speech was "have him evaluated by a speech therapist". And I was just looking for a bit of reassurance. My brother in law is a bit more calm and "big picture", for lack of a better word.
About the gov't support: some states' birth to three (sometimes five) programs are excellent. That is the absolute only thing where the US beats the UK in social safety net. My insurance does not cover what they see as developmental issues (eg speech therapy). And I've got great insurance. For all its faults, I think the UK has an amazing social conscience which is evident in the spirit, if not always the practice, of its social services. (That being said, I've had to stop reading posts about the lack thereof because I end up wanting to go punch people hard in private and painful places.)