Hi, timeforachangearooney, I think the family are in what P G Wodehouse would have called 'stout denial' mode, simply unable and/or unwilling to accept what she herself said. Just keep on saying No, no matter what. Very sad, though maybe understandable.
I presume the police widow's pension would have been paid automatically, though I could be wrong about that. She would also have got some sort of widow's pension or widowed mother's allowance from the state, of course.
As for 'getting out of his clutches', it looks as though she just decided not to stay with him for the longterm, even though they resumed their affair after the murders and were together for several years. He asked her to marry him, she just said No. The letter Howell wrote to her shortly after the murders, pleading with her to stay with him, didn't sound very much like he was in control in the relationship.
As you say, many unanswered questions. Maybe some will be answered at the appeal? It'll be interesting to see on what grounds the appeal will be based; my guess is the 'under Howell's spell' or the 'terrified of him' one, but we'll see. Can't see any appeal judge being naive enough to overturn the unanimous jury decision that she - as she herself admitted - was in on the plan and could have stopped it.
BTW, here's a link to a very interesting case where 4 people were convicted of a murder recently, though it's thought only one did the actual stabbing:
www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-wales-north-west-wales-12391541
Two 22-year sentences, plus one of 20 years, and even the 16-year-old detained for 18 years years - severe sentences, but murder is murder and sentences need to reflect people's abhorrence of it and also serve as a warning to others.