tiger mum

[mamaLou13]

personaly i am in agreement with many of the 'tiger mum' parenting techniques! i was wondering what your opinions are?

Link please....too lazy to look!!!

nope, don't agree at all. I am somebody whose dd reads lots of books and takes pains to do her homework because I have made her believe learning is fun and worth doing for its own sake, not because I will get angry if she doesn't get top results.

I was brought up in the same pleasure-seeking way, as were my three brothers, and I can't help noticing that we are all pretty hardworking people.

I hated Amy Chua's attitude that things only matter if you can show off and get prizes. I want dcs who read to understand.

I agree that you have to get your kids to understand that if you want to achieve something, you're (probably) going to have to make an effort but, like cory, I felt that a lot of the book was about how her children's achievements reflected on her. She seems to be coming from a very different position to non-Chinese parents (and by that I mean parents who choose to parent in a different way to her rather than people who do not have Chinese heritage) and, while it is interesting that she feels children do not have self-esteem issues and do not need to be happy as such - I paraphrase - I don't think she is right on this.

I also don't think that she is right that non-Chinese parents are lazy, lack discipline, project their own anxieties onto their children etc. Of course this can be the case but thankfully for us all there is a middle way.

I've only read extracts and interviews so far but I do think Chua's polemic is interesting and I do think she has some good observations in between the horror stories.

Chua says, if you hear her interviewed, that it was a tongue-in-cheek memoir, that she and her daughters laugh about those incidents now.
But she also says that if she had another baby to raise today that she would raise it pretty much the same as she did the others .
Which rather sounds like a bunch of contradiction.

Let us know you get on MamaLou, I quietly think you're nuts and it doesn't sound like a rewarding way to raise a child at all.

The other thing that struck me about her parenting is that there was no evidence that she encouraged her children to think for themselves or challenger her opinions.

Now this attitude may be excellent in helping you to get straight As a school- but it's not going to help you through university. The surveys always focus on Chinese children outperforming British children at lower levels- they don't mention how well they do in higher education. Anecdotal evidence gathered from academics suggests that they often struggle, being (often) incredibly conscientious but not creative: I believe they are overrepresented in plagiarism cases.

I wouldn't see it as a great advantage that my children could get into a top university if they cannot then profit from it.

All she is, is a good old-fashioned 'pushy mum'. They've always existed. Look at the Williams sisters tennis-obsessed parents. These days it's not so popular to crack the whip because the fashion is more 'child-led' etc., but it's nice to see some alternative views for a change. Besides which, it's just one woman's story.... don't think anyone's meant to use it as a text book. :)

But isn't it the classic carrot and stick story?? I admit that I was more motivated by avoiding punishment when it came to study ... and if you read some of the autos of some sportsmen, they confess to hate their sport, but they were so pushed and bullied into being the best.

I suppose it is trying to get the best of both methods and taking each child's personality into account.

god, i feel like i am being tiger mummed with all these freaking threads.

I liked these comments, love the comment about Mum and Dad constructing Mt Vesuvius in the garage whist the western kid watches cartoons on the sofa:

Dear Tiger Mum and Western Mum,

Your children are all grown up and they work for me. Every now and then I look at them and shake my head in dismay thinking ?Your mother did NOT do her job!?

It?s your fault, but it is them that have to suffer joining the grown up world later in life when expectations are high.

Tiger Mum ? You gave me an adult that cannot think for herself. She cannot work without being micro-managed and I don?t have time to micro-manage her like mum. When she does get moving on a project she can never seem to complete it because it is never perfect and any constructive criticism is so traumatic that I have to battle to see a partially complete project. Why didn?t you let her turn in her own work? Why didn?t you let her see how to grow by learning from her teacher? How can I gauge that she is working in the correct direction if I can?t see a prototype? So your straight ?A? child is ineffective and now has some real life lessons to learn.

Western Mum ? You gave me an adult that can?t seem to stick to anything. She is so full of herself and thinks that ?doing her best? is good just ?dandy?. She?s heard the words ?nice try? for every missed goal, ?good eye? for every ball not swung at because she was five miles from the plate too afraid of the ball to play. Then when she wasn?t successful (because she never tried) you let her quit! Her science project volcano looked just like Mount Vesuvius because that is the box it came out of and even that she had dad create in the garage while she watched cartoons. I can see her potential every now and again, but she quickly sinks into her self-absorbed nature and quits more often than she completes a project.

Times they are changing, and moms ? please, teach your children well. Some of the following life skills will be very helpful:
? You don?t know until you try
? You still don?t know if you didn?t finish
? You can complete this project/school assignment/soccer season any normal child can and you are a ?normal? child
? You learn nothing if I (mom/dad/significant adult) do it for you
? Come ask for help if you really need it ? otherwise you?re doing just fine
? Quitting in the middle is not an option ? this doesn?t negate changing directions but too many directional changes constitutes quitting
? Manners ? this is still important ? please, thank you, you are welcome and not rushing the elevator before all occupants have exited

There is so much more I can write but I?m not a professional writer, just a Manager who deals with your grown children day in and day out. Please teach them well.

Sums it up quite nicely, Norham. Balance is clearly what is needed.

Tiger mums can be found all over the world. They dont have to be chinese. I had a tiger mum, she was not chinese and she didnt only push us, she pushed herself as well! Got herself a PHD at 50 and is still on a roll now. I personally think most of Tiger mums threats were never meant to be carried out. Its the equivalent of me threatening to give all toys to charity unless homework is finished. Most of the time its enough to get them to do it, sometimes the black bags are packed ready to go(to the garden shed for a few days) except they dont know this.