I have read Battle Hymn Of The Tiger Mother

[goodchinesemother]

I do not begrudge Chua?s right to make money off her ?AHA? moment, but I do resent the way she has further propagated the stereotypical image of the ?pushy? Asian parent.

I am truly fortunate to have an academically successful daughter who achieved near perfect SAT scores, and received offers of admission from Harvard, Yale and Princeton. I will take credit for having given her a whole lot of support, but I am certain my parenting skills had little to do with her college acceptances. In truth, I suspect race and gender played major roles.

And yet, I was always perceived as the pushy Asian mother by her teachers, and her counselors, and by other parents as well, Asian and non-Asian alike.

I feel that most people, including Asians, simply refuse to believe that a young Asian woman can be extremely motivated on her own.

Chua and her publishers have every right to publicize her book, and they did a very good job, but it came at the expense of all the academically successful Asian students who will have an even harder time of shaking off the perception they could not have accomplished much without their tiger mothers pushing them.

Chua?s book has merely given an old stereotype a new name. Out with the pushy Asian mother. In with the roaring tiger mother. Somehow, I do not feel better.

www.thegoodchinesemother.wordpress.com

"I am certain my parenting skills had little to do with her college acceptances. In truth, I suspect race and gender played major roles."

I didn't really understand what you meant with race and gender playing major roles. Do you think university admissions were leaning in her favour because she is an Asian female?

I don't personally believe that all Asian mothers are pushy in demanding and obtaining academic excellence from their dc and I am sure most people recognise that Asian mothers do not form a homogenous group. Once students are at university, they are on their own pretty much anyway, aren't they? And then you can see that Asian students whose parents may well have pushed them through school have helped instill habits of study and self-discipline which the adult student uses to their own advantage once they are out in the world on their own. I doubt people look down on Asian university students and believe they are only there because of what their mothers did for them. Really I don't

I'm not Chinese, but I read it too.

Regardless of ethnicity, ANY parent of a child who gets outstanding marks - or, hell, who is outstanding in ANY way - will be deemed 'pushy' by some other parent, usually one whose child did less well.

If you and your children know the truth, it doesn't matter what others think.

Chua is one of a long line of people who think they are being offered a chance to tell their story, while actually being held up to abuse and ridicule (see all programmes on Child Genii and the like).

The jealous ones talk about parents pushing when some parents are pretty laid back but just have quite clever children.

At least Chua has shown you don't have to be a housewife to do the pushing. Sadly in the UK there are a lot of Thai bride sets ups - white father Chinese/Japanese wife who does no work whatsoever and just pushes the children. I have seen countless examples. At least this mother has a career.

As you say there are lots of different types of parents in all cultures. The only fact we know is that in English schools no group does better in exams than Chinese. That will partly be because they tend to be well educated when they come here and hard working whereas Somali refugees for example tend not to have been doctors and lawyers at home, although any generalisation really is pretty awful.

I can't really see the point of her writing the book. I am sure they dont' need the money. it is as if inside she feels she abused her children and she wants a very public vindication for how she was - a sort of she protesteth too much thing.

Could you explain in what way you think your daughter's race made a difference to her university offers? Do these universities have a policy of "positive discrimination" towards ethnic minorities and, if so, should it be reversed if Asian children are so successful ?

Xenia: I'm sure the book was written because she was sitting next to an agent at dinner and blah, blah, blah. Having said that, the extracts I have read were well-written and I think they were really thought-provoking, it is time there was an antidote to the school of fluffy mumminess. I never really thought she was writing about Chinese parents per se, I just thought it was a flip shorthand for pushy parents - I may read it when it comes out in paperback, the hardback is a real doorstop

I think in the US you get credits for various mixed or non white race things even if yoi're 16th XYZ etc.

Here Boris Johnson and people like India Knight sometimes make much of their ethnic mix and the black African posh girls from public schools can be just right for filling quotas as well as being pretty wonderful anyway, although they help to fill working class quotas.

Actulaly in my daughter's year at her school (habs) one year in her class only 2 girls had 4 english born grandparents - she was one of the two which is amazing as it is a fee paying school but simply based on academic strength in the 11+ test and it shows the effect it has if your parents or grandparents are immigrants when whatever your race you tend to work pretty hard.

Oooh, really - I had always assumed you weren't English, Xenia (perhaps based on your exotic name, more lazy stereotyping).

I tend to think that immigrants may do better because they are aware of the sacrifices their parents/grandparents made and how their success will be regarded within the "community", most of which tend to be pretty conservative (I speak as the daughter of an immigrant).

lalalonglegs, ZZZenAgain,

The whole process of applying for college in the US is very different, especially for the Ivy League colleges which are all private institutions.

Competition is very stiff, and they are all looking for more than school grades and test scores. The reasoning being every student applying has near-perfect grades and scores anyway. So, what else do you have to offer?

And diversity is extremely important.

In my daughter's case, she was different from all the other Asian applicants. Instead of playing the piano, or the violin, she preferred to sing, dance and act. Instead of math competitions, she had gold medals for debate and oratory.

I will never be able to confirm it, but I do suspect she was an attractive applicant as well because she chose to study the Humanities instead of the Sciences.

And interestingly enough, while there are many, many Asian students studying finance or the science, she is one of the very few studying the humanities and arts.

She is majoring in history, and while her Caucasian friends will remark on how she is really white, our Asian acquaintances will be duly impressed by her Ivy League credentials, and then, be truly disappointed she is a history major. They envision an unemployed historian.

Caught in the middle is what it is...

www.thegoodchinesemother.wordpress.com

I will probably get flamed for this, but I had pushy parents and I don't think it did me any harm. I dont push my daughters as much, mainly because they are ambitious enough to push themselves (I am the one begging them sometimes to take it easy)
Having said that I have always been ambitious, it was instilled in me that nothing was quiet out of my reach if I was disciplined and worked hard at it. It comes out when I talk to them all the time. I may have passed it on unconsciously.
I read pieces from the OPs blog and it sounds like you dedicated your life to your DD. Your just like mommy piece says it all(hopefully it was not promoted by an agent but you signed off your posts with it. So its in effect publicising your own parenting skills)
We all love our children and will do anything for them. We also like to think our way is the best and everyone else is doing it wrong. So whereas you are the goodchinesemother Chua will be the badchinesemother.
Nothing new there then!

I particularly like "There is always a first time" and "Relax Mom" on our blog. You went to all that length to get your daughter into a Japanese school of your choice, using all the contacts you could. I take my hat off to you! To consciously make the effort to bring up a multi lingual child is a huge achievement. Your daughter is very clever but from your blog you put in a lot of work to present her with the right opportunities and that is what mothers do, irrespective of whether they are Asian or not.