Stress and nurseries

[OldieMum]

Article in today's Guardian here

I read this piece just after a conversation with DH when I pointed out how difficult I find it to deal with him when he brings DD home from the nursery and wants to read the paper and/or chat in the way we did before she was born, and I'm left trying to give her my attention and cook at the same time.

Absolutely Mommy, its about putting it into perspective isnt it?

sorry meant "mommie".

I thought that it was fairly well documented that most children should show separation anxiety at being removed from their primary carer.
However, I thought it was also well recognised by baby/child psychologists that babies/children very quickly got used to being cared for by other people as long as there was good continuity. So, a good nursery should have key worker assigned to each baby/child that they recognise each day and who is ideally there for handovers etc.

This was one of the positive aspects of the play school i chose for ds, a key worker and relatively small class size.
Regardless of class size and adults available for hand over, i do put myself forward to discuss my son with them.
I have i suppose been a pain in the arse BUT it is just so so important to me.
These people are effectively strangers to us and i am handing over my child...it has got to be right.

frannyf:

"There is a lot on cortisol and stress in children in an excellent book "Why Love Matters" I read recently. Sorry can't remember the author. A fascinating description of how their upbringing and experiences affects children's brains"

ummm, I think I would have to pluck up courage to read that book! - would probably convince myself that both my children have been scarred for life!

all the same, I think I might try to get hold of it....

It is a good book HMC. Though, don't worry, she's very sympathetic to mothers inundated with many conflicting childcare manuals. She even states at the end she wishes she knew then what she knows now when bringing up her own kids. She's not out to make anyone feel bad.

Ok - on that basis, Amazon / BOL.com here I come

Hi -
Not a regular poster on here, but a couple of things. It would have been interesting if there had been a control group of children who didn't go to nursery, to measure how their stress levels changed in other non-home settings.

I do think such research is important, but its interpretation has to be balanced against the many other things which cause children stress - and unfortunately, childhood poverty is one thing which causes physical and mental health problems too, whereas working mothers tend to raise income levels.

Rose (working, single mother, who would never, ever read the Daily mail!)

Excellent point, Rose. The evidence about poverty-induced stress affecting health is overwhelming,

HMC, yes, I know what you mean, but monkeytrousers is right, she's not out to heap guilt onto mothers. I found it quite an empowering read as it gives you the information to make the right choices for your child. I hope you enjoy it if you do buy it.

I just found that article irritating because it is so mother centred. Why can't it say parent or primary carer? Why is it the mother who has to go out to work, and not both parents (or parent) go to work. I find that very irritating. Surely it is about the choices of the family?

We had a nanny for ds at 6mths and dd at 3mths. They were too young to be very anxious, and I'm sure they preferred happy nanny to miserable me! We started them at nursery at about 2 1/2, which seemed to be a good time, when they were just starting to get going with speech and wanting to play with friends. They both loved it from the start, but dd found transistion from one class to another difficult, and is now really strugglig with the transistion to school. ds on the other hand has never appeared to be phased by new people, and finds new friends easily.