Grandmothers

[Angeliz]

Ok, feel really guilty even as i type but does anyone find that their mum seems to favour other grandkids? I'll put it as simple as that first to see if i get a reply!

Definitely had this with mil, but in as much as she was only interested in dd1 and not the others. But she doesnt have any other grand children yet,and we know that when one of her other kids have them ours will be discarded. We have stopped her having contact with them now.

oh god yes! my MIL has a fav son - and she favours his kids and even then favours one over the rest. she buys them pressies for birthdays and not my kids and same for xmas. the very sad thing is my kids are now old enough to ask why nanna didnt get them a prezzie ( even my 85 yr old nan gives them £2) i usually just shrug - but they know the deal, they;re not stupid. 14 years later and i have come to the conclusion that his side of the family are two faced insensitive, unthoughful. i have a sister in law who pushes her babies onto my MIL, like "look at my kids, look at my kids" its very sad. i think if she cant be arsed then bollocks to her.

I have this on both sides. I am sick of my kids being pushed out.MIL will not mind any of our kids but she will mind the others and take them out.My parents are just as bad if not worse. All the kids get prezzies off both sets but that is it.There is no real contact and TBH I have recently stopped having contact with my parents. I think I need counselling as they have treated me like shite. Sorry for the language but this is a sore point at the moment.

Mil does this on occassion with dd & ds against sil dd but don't let it get to me as sil lives closer and visits less frequently which mil always comments on! I've had to tell her what she's doing on the occasions that all of them are together ie that's not exactly fair is it, if you've given a sweet then what about .

I just treat her like a toddler when she starts this type of behaviour and it works for me.

It's a sore point with quite a few of us it seems! I live about 45 mins away from my mother (by car), yet she rarely visits. In fact I have got on the train and been to see her more times than she has seen me, and she has a car! My brother's kids are the bees knees to her. She treats them far better than she ever treated us as kids. My eldest niece got bullied at school, and my mum made such a fuss, going to the school about it, picking her up from school, talking to her on the phone, etc. When I was getting bullied she hardly even noticed.

She has missed 2 of my dd's 3 birthdays and has missed all her milestones. Yet she regularly babysits for my brother, takes them all out for meals, has BBQ's with them, etc. However I take comfort from the fact that I am not alone, my other sister lives just down the road from my mum, yet she sees her no more often than I do. She never offers to babysit for her, even when she can see that she is struggling. When she does visit, it's a dashed visit on the way to somewhere else.

I just hope and pray that I turn out differently to her!

The other thing I've been known on occassion to do is to collect the children and their stuff together and get in the car with dp and go, my parting words being dd and ds are not sil dd and they are not in competition with sil dd.

There is only 10weeks between ds and sil dd!

We do live about 3hrs drive from mil so this is more of a shock tactic. Fortunatly we still know people in the area so it's not as though we have to drive 3hrs back again straight away.

I don't see why my children or I should put up with being treated as somehow lower than sil and her dd.

We do get along with sil and visit her just as much as mil (if not more).

The main thing is not to let mil poison your other relationships, after all it's not their fault and often are unaware of these things.

I am concerned that I may have a similar problem to come. I live 10 minutes away from my folks we are very close and my ds is heir only grandchild.
My sis is due in Dec and lives over an hours drive away. I am really worried that a) my parents may still favour my ds and not take enough time out for my sis and b) that my sis will feel 'left out' being so far away. My father works full time (as do I) and my mom does not drive. My sis is giving up work and does not really have a 'support' local to her. How can I stop this happening?

Your sister should join the NCT. I have several 'issues' with their attitude to childbirth, but their post-natal networks are fantastic. If she calls someone will put her in touch with other mums with babies the same age in her area. I am still close with several mums - We even went on holiday this year with a couple who I met when ds was born and our kids are now two. Don't worry about something that hasn't happened though, your parents may be just as delighted with their other grandchild. Why not open the subject with your sis, eg saying, I feel a bit sad/worried/guilty that our parents live so near me and it will be harder for them to see your baby than it was mine and discuss feelings/ practicalities now before any (possible) resentments arrive.

Just want to say to everyone who's posted here that I am really saddened by your experiences, and sending you all love and strength to deal with this idiocy. I take great comfort from the fact that your children stand such a good chance of fair treatment from all of you when you're grannies!

my ex-mil adores my dd1 but rarely takes a passing interest in dd2. its my dd2 birthday in 2 weeks, and so far they havent mentioned a thing about it. i have been nice and asked them if they want to come over for a little birthday party (we're not on the best of terms btw) but so far havent had a reply. i sometimes feel like cutting them out of my life altogether, but it wouldnt be fair on my dd1 who is very close to her grandmother, but at the same time its not fair on my dd2 to be pushed aside. my dd2 is spoilt more by my family, mainly i think because she is my mums double, dd1 takes after ex's side of the family. dd1 was my ex-mil 1st grandchild. my dd1 is pretty much aware of the situation she says now 'i'm going to grandmas, lolly not coming with me?' dd2 is a handful, is very clingy and will scream if i leave her with ex-mil anyway, but will be fine with my mum and dad, especially my dad, she adores him.
i didnt have a good relationship with my grandparents when i was young, even now i resent that. my grandad said to my dd1 once 'i'm your great-grandad' a part of my was feeling 'well u were never my grandad'. stupid i know. i want my kids to have grandparents who take an interest, more than my grandparents ever did anyway.

My mil and fil looked after my sil's son practically from birth. Despite being married etc sil decided she couldn't afford child care so 8 weeks after he was born nephew was handed over to spend most of his time there. He does live full time with sil but she doesn't look after him. Too much like hard work.

As a result my twin ds have lost out on one set of grandparents. As they are always babysitting a hyperactive 7 year old they never get time alone with their grandparents and sil likes to supervise any visit.

It is their loss and hurts my dh more than it will them as our sons have one loving set of grandparents and us!