I don't want my step daughter near my daughter as I don't feel safe

[helpamummyout]

My SD is 15 years old and she is out of control she has been sepended from school 4 times in year 10 for refusing to do things and not listening her mum doesn't care and just pushes her on her dad and me but I also have a nearly 4 year old daughter and I don't want that sort of behaviour around her and she will pick up on the behaviour. I doesn't matter what I say nobody listens to me and I feel like a prisoner in my house some times and spend most of my days crying and in my room with my daughter

Is there anything I can do

Op you're getting a hard time on here because you are a step mother. It's insane to me that posters are pretending that being suspended from school four times is "par for the course" or "normal bolshy teenage behaviour". At least I hope they are pretending as the alternative is worse!

If you genuinely believe that your daughter is in danger then you need to remove her from the situation. Do you have enough income to rent somewhere with your daughter?

For your step-daughter to have been excluded from school on 4 separate occasions, during the school year, it's an ongoing issue. Has this behaviour suddenly escalated? Has she always been like this? If a child suddenly starts portraying uncharacteristic behaviour, then what's happened recently that could have caused this? Behaviour is communication, your step-daughter is likely deeply unhappy. Yes, teenagers can be rebellious, push boundaries, which is normal but being excluded temporarily from school numerous times, isn't normal. How is her behaviour at home with you and her Dad? Is she violent/aggressive? Is she rude/disrespectful/grumpy/swearing/pushing boundaries etc? What are her parents doing to help their daughter? Has professional help been sought? Has the school called in Education Psychologists etc? Locking yourself in the bedroom (with of without your daughter) crying, isn't achieving anything. You can't force your partner or his ex to parent their daughter or seek help for her, these things are out of your control. What you can do is decide to not live with your partner, in order to keep your own daughter from the chaos. However, your partner has the right to see his daughter, and you won't have any control over where he takes her or who she sees, whilst with him. If your partner is burying his head in the sand over his eldest daughter, then you need to do what's best for you - sitting in a bedroom crying isn't it, you need to be proactive.

Is your partner the dad of your 4 year old? If not, why the hell are you still there?

Also...human rights?? Seriously? This is right up there with child trafficking, Famine and mass genocide 🙄There are forums here for families and relationships etc.

She hasn't said what the danger actually is, so people can't advise. She has said she regularly locks her daughter in a room with her crying rather than removing her from the situation though - nobody is going to congratulate her for that.

I actually agree with this. It's not 'normal' for teenagers to be temporarily suspended from school once, let alone numerous times in a school year. Suspension isn't ever taken lightly by schools, and it's usually for ongoing, poor behaviour that's escalated.

It will be inappropriate and probably unpleasant behaviour for an exclusio, but it doesn't need be dangerous or unsafe behaviour. Depends what she's doing. But I suspect not a 'human rights' issue.

You DD must be having a miserable time, stuck indoors with a tearful mother.

As others have said, unless your SD is a sadist and violent, there doesn't seem to be a risk to your daughter, other than a bad influence.

Don't let your SD babysit if you don't want to, don't leave her alone with her DS if you're worried, leave your partner if you don't want your daughter to live under the same roof.

You have to step up though, and stop keeping your DD isolated at home, witnessing your inability to hold it together - that's really damaging for her.

Sounds like sd needs love from her parents not being pushed away. She is rebelling not dangerous. She would benefit from her dad leaving you and living with his dd full time to get on top of her issues

There must be more to this. You wouldn’t spend your days crying in your bedroom over this. Do you think you are suffering from depression?

Non returning OP, there's a surprise.

And their first and only post...

agree. this is worrying. children remember this sort of thing.

Come on, crying in your room with your child?! What sort of life lesson are you teaching your child. Grow up and face your problem and your DH head on.

I notice you have posted this in Human Rights. Are you trying to understand your legal rights in this situation?

Couldn't that be due to a name change?
Not saying it isn't a wind up but I wouldn't necessarily bet on that over OP just not liking the replies.

Yes, could be a name change, but there are loads of these pop up posts recently. Single post & run...

Personally I couldn’t be bothered with someone else’s fcked up teenager (because of the parents probably, poor kid, but that’s not your battle to fight/ issue to solve) impacting my 4 yr olds life.

Anybody who thinks this should never be getting into a relationship of any kind with someone who already has other children.

I imagine that was the exact point the poster was making. Don’t date a bloke with kids if you don’t want any responsibility.