I don't want my step daughter near my daughter as I don't feel safe

[helpamummyout]

My SD is 15 years old and she is out of control she has been sepended from school 4 times in year 10 for refusing to do things and not listening her mum doesn't care and just pushes her on her dad and me but I also have a nearly 4 year old daughter and I don't want that sort of behaviour around her and she will pick up on the behaviour. I doesn't matter what I say nobody listens to me and I feel like a prisoner in my house some times and spend most of my days crying and in my room with my daughter

Is there anything I can do

The only thing you can do is split up and move out, or stay in the relationship but live apart.

Presumably your partner will still have your daughter though so there is no way to guarantee your DD and SD will not have contact, unless she's an actual danger to your DD.

When you said you didn’t feel safe I assumed you were going to say she was violent but it sounds like she’s just hard work?

Apart from her behaviour at school what bad behaviour is she exhibiting in your home that is making you concerned?

Why are you making your daughter sit in a room with you crying, instead of just taking her out and having a nice time?

Suspended for refusing to do things does not sound remotely like she presents any danger - she is a teenager and they have a tendency to being disruptive and rebellious. Add to to that her parents have spilt up, goodness knows what she may have been around when that was all happening, and now she has a stepmum who clearly hates her and a stepsister she isn't allowed to be near in case she taints her!

Based on what you say are being extremely unreasonable. What about her "human rights". Get a grip and step up - you are supposed to be an adult.

What sort of behaviour are you talking about? I too assumed violence from the title but it sounds more like she is wayward, selfish or rebellious? Why has she been suspended? From current details it sounds like crying in your room is an over reaction to teenage behaviour.

Who is crying here - DD or yourself? If it’s you, you need to get a grip and take some actions to make your DD safe.

Teenagers can be trying. What is it specifically that you think is dangerous?

I'm really struggling to understand this one too. There must be a lot of info missing. I do know that I feel very sorry for both girls in the middle of this.

Poor stepdaughter. Your behaviour is arguably worse than hers. She's a teenager acting like a bolshy teenager which is pretty much par for the course. You're an adult acting like a teenager which is the real problem

Well, obviously the only thing you can do if you want to keep your dd safe and away from her, is to split up with her father. Although since they are siblings, there will inevitably be some time together.

Sounds awful OP. You’re just trying to have a nice time with a 4yr old and you’ve got to put up with a damaged teenager who doesn’t give a shit about anything. She sees her dad with a new life with a new family, that must be horrible for her too.

Why has she been suspended 4 times? She’ll be expelled soon. By the sound of it. Then she’ll be out of school all day.

What does her dad say about it?

Is he burying his head in the sand?

From your brief post without much detail it’s hard to know what’s a good idea. Personally I couldn’t be bothered with someone else’s fcked up teenager (because of the parents probably, poor kid, but that’s not your battle to fight/ issue to solve) impacting my 4 yr olds life.

I’d want to live apart from the dad, for the time being. Your daughter doesn’t need the negativity around her. Your step daughter might prefer it too. Perhaps the dad needs to consider both of his children a bit more. Although you don’t say if he Is the dad of your daughter? If not I’d probably leave him to it.

The op hasn’t said her age so it’s possible she is also a teenager.

I doesn't matter what I say nobody listens to me

This is a problem, along with your DD4 not picking up on your SD behaviour you should also be concerned that she's witnessing this dynamic going on.

Is there anything you can do? Yes, you can get yourself and your DD under a seperate roof.

Perhaps she is, but she's also the mother of a 4 year old so her teenager behaviour needs to stop now.

I'm not sure that closeting herself in her bedroom crying with a 4 year old child is the way to go.

Unless there's a massive drip feed coming, then I can't see how the SD is dangerous. Hard work maybe but OP is ruining any chance of the two sisters having a relationship too

Anyone who feels unsafe and who has responsibilities for caring for a four-year-old should contact the police and relevant authorities, including social services, immediately. There is a duty of care to remove a vulnerable child from any situation that poses a danger.

Is there a process on MN for reporting concerning posts?

You knew he had a daughter

Be responsible and look after her. Sounds like she needs you and your DH

You're damaging your child by forcing her to sit in a room with her mother crying. Move out.

Is your DP the father of your 4 year old. Could you live separately.

Is your four year old your child with SD's dad (I assume he's your husband or partner)? Does he share custody with the mother? Does he understand how bad the situation is for you and the 4yo? Is he enforcing whatever house rules the two of you have agreed upon and discipling his daughter if she intentionally breaks them?

Yes, there are cases of fifteen year olds that are so out of control the parents can't do anything, but in that case professional help is probably needed and it's as much the dad's responsibility as the mum's to make sure that happens. If help's unavailable and he has tried everything he reasonably can and failed, then I agree that living separately for a bit may be next step.

What were the circumstances of the break up of the relationship between the teenagers mother and father? Perhaps she is traumatised by this.

Leave. This is without knowing all the details. If I had an out of control 15 year old who wasn’t my child in the house, scaring me and my 4 year old -I would look at protecting myself and my child. So I would pack and leave.

You don’t say if her parents are involved and if she has support / the older child but you sound scared.

This is a safeguarding issue for you and the younger child - you must be safe in your own home.

Yelling and screaming can be intolerable as being violent.

You have two choices, leave with your daughter or find some help for the troubled teenage daughter and try to develop a bond with her.

They are sisters. What is their relationship like? You just say you don’t want your daughter ‘picking up that behaviour’ (what behaviour?) but you don’t say that they don’t get on / that the DSD is in any way abusive to the pre-schooler etc. Presumably she is going to be starting school in a month and then she will be witnessing all sorts of behaviours which are out of your control. I think you should do your best to make your teenage SD feel safe (locking yourself in a room and crying for God’s sake grow up) and building a bond your self and facilitating a bond between these sisters.

Is she aggressive towards you/DD?

Why are you still there if it’s this bad?