Social services

[100ribblerd]

So me and my ex of 3 years broke up last year when I fell pregnant. He has been violent towards me and been done for it numerous of times. But for some reason we always find a way back, he's finally getting help with his anger etc with probation. Social services have never had worries or been involved till recently. I was told that he could see her unsupervised and he's was allowed to my house without her being there, just me and him. We was allowed out in public with her, this was all under a child in need plan. There was a mistake with the police and it's now gone to Child Protection, no court proceedings. I've now been told not to contact or see him and he isn't to see his daughter till he has his risk assessments. I also got done for neglect as I didn't attend optional things, which I'm now attending as I have too with other courses. I'm really hoping to come off in 3 months, as this is an absolute nightmare and only been on it a few days. The stress it's causing me and worry it's making me ill. I've also had the old Social worker tell me one thing and him another that's what has got us into this mess. Basically has anyone actually stayed in contact with there ex after being told not too? Like could they find out? Just this is very very hard ATM, I do have my daughters best interest at heart but how can they jjsyy come into you're life and turn it upside down and tell you who you can and can't see or be with?

Hi, you need to do what's best for your daughter. If they are saying he can't have contact then it's for a reason. Your options are your needs or her needs. I would do anything for my children even if that meant walking away from a man I loved if it meant I could keep them!

SS will find out if you are seeing him, and if you do then they will take your daughter away from you!

Do everything they ask and listen to them, they have your daughters best interests at heart x

Why on earth would you want to be in contact with someone who was violent towards you? Why would you choose to put your child at risk?

Do you mean you intend to stay in contact after all of the above has come to light? I mean this kindly, but doing so would not be considered to be you having your childs best interests at heart. Social care have concerns enough about the safety of your child (and you but the childs safety will trump.trumps they are not an adult able to trump's decisions for themselves regarding what is an acceptable level of risk) to say that he cannot have contact. If you then allow contact anyway you will be seen to not be protecting your child.

Have you been offered support like the freedom programme? It sounds like after incidents seriously enough for him to "get done" for them this man still has a hold on you in some way and you need support to overcome this.

Dont risk potentially losing your child for the sake of seeing a violent ex. You need to listen to social care and their concerns and comply with the cp plan.

how can they jjsyy come into you're life and turn it upside down and tell you who you can and can't see or be with?

Because the law states that a child's safety is more important than a parent's right to stay with a dangerous partner.

If you lie to services about spending time with him you seriously risk losing your child. Your choice.

Yes they could find out, very easily.

Also choosing that path against the advice of social services/child protection would mean you would mean you would be at a very real risk of having your child taken away for her safety. Which is absolutely right - your child’s safety absolutely takes precedence over whatever hold this loser has on you. ‘They’ are there precisely for that reason and can tell you ‘who you can see or be with’ if that person is has a history of violence or abuse because even if you want it in your life you do not have the right to inflict it on an innocent child regardless of whether you gave birth to them.

He won’t change, you can choose him over her & if you do hopefully she’ll end up in a situation, elsewhere, where her needs come first. It all comes down to you. Seriously though if you want to continue to be a parent then don’t contact him & have a look at the freedom programme & think very hard whether you would be happy for her to end up in a relationship like the one you seem unable to move on from?

Yes, they can find out and usually do. If you continue seeing him you take a enormous risk. To put it bluntly you could loose your daughter. It is a choice you need to make.

As others have said, it's because the safety and welfare of the child comes above their parent's desire to remain in contact with people who pose a risk or situations that place the child in harms way.

Any parent who ignores clear advice and instructions from social services and child protection will be considered not to be placing the child's best interests at heart.

how can they jjsyy come into you're life and turn it upside down and tell you who you can and can't see or be with?

It's called the Children Act and it's legislation that gives them the right (and duty) to do so

You would be extremely foolish to see him. He WILL assault you again and you will get found out. At that point they may go to court and potentially remove her from your care.
You need to go and get some individual counselling to work out why you can't leave this violent man.

Thank you everyone.
Maybe I do need help cutting this attachment I have for him for good, as I've had no help. My daughter comes first and will always, I don't want to risk loosing her over anyone.

Yes they can and will find out and when they do you’ll be fucked. Despite your dissembling, if this has gone to a child protection order it is not about you missing a few optional things. The bar is high.

If your daughter comes first, you need to comply with the child protection plan fully and put her before your wish to continue a relationship with an abusive man.

FFS. Stay away from your abusive ex, do everything Social services tell you to do. Even if it’s optional. Say yes sir, no sir, 3 bags full sir. Do it all. This is to keep hold of your child. Say that as many times as it takes for the importance of it to sink in. And you’d risk that to chat to a violent ex? Is your head screwed on backwards?

@BackOnceAgainWithABurnerEmail is right about the threshold for child protection being high. It is. Social services are strapped for cash so it wouldn't get to this point over a few optional things.

OP, it's goos you see the need to sever the relationship. You must if you want to keep your child. There's some posters on here who are very good at signposting to support and the freedom programme.

SS will have already offered the freedom programme and other Support. Suspect it’s that support that OP has rejected that caused SS escalate. Maybe not. Either way, it hasn’t gotten to this stage without SS offering it.