Can anyone please give me advice? I left my ex partner after 16 years of being together last September 2017. I left as he had repeatedly drugged and raped me. I was scared for my life as I did not know why I was having severe panic attacks, dizziness and pains in my chest, I thought I was having a nervous breakdown but had suspicion as I would always become ill after I excepted a cup of tea, food or an alcoholic drink from my ex partner. when I did a home based drug test on my urine it was positive for cocaine and a date rape drug, as soon as I found this I left with just the clothes on my back.
Myself and my two children left our home to live in a refuge for 3 months for safety, I am now living with my sister as I can not afford to live in a council house as all the benefits I have go towards paying solicitor fees. I have worked all my life as a primary school teacher but am not entitled to legal aid for the family court because I have an asset- my home that my ex partner is still living in.
The police are still investigating- it has been 7 months and my ex has still not been arrested, only the last two weeks have witness statements been taken. I was seeing a counsellor at the time to help with my panic attacks as I thought I had Post Traumatic stress as a result of having seizures where my ex left me on the floor having fits, losing control of my bowels, hallucinating and not being able to speak as a result of him spiking my drink, he did nothing, he would have left me to die rather than get me the help I needed as he would have gone to prison. His mother was also there when I was in that state but also did nothing as her son would have been locked up for what he did to me. I couldn't drive myself to hospital because of the state I was in, it was only when I almost passed out in work the following Tuesday that he would allow me to go to hospital, by that time the drugs were out of my system. The Police did not collect the notes from the counsellor at the time the crime was reported so the counsellor has since destroyed the notes.
I am currently fighting the matter in Family court as my ex wants access of our children to move from the contact centre to unsupervised- this I can not have as I am scared for the safety of my children who are 3 and 9. When living at home I began to find white powder and syringes laying around the house, this was when I suspected that I was ill as a result of my ex partner drugging me. The worst part is the white powder was left in reach of my two children, if my daughter found the powder she would have eaten it thinking it was sherbet - I could have came home from work to find my daughter dead. When I was living at home my ex partner let my daughter drink my tea then took it off her when she went to take another sip and tipped it on the floor- why would you do this unless it was bad for her?- but he allowed her to drink some of it. My urine test was positive for Cocaine and Date Rape after I drank a cup of tea my ex partner had made me! I have requested that the court do a 'Fact Finding' based on the allegations I have made which may cost me in the region of £6,000. I have to pay this money to ensure my children are safe? How is this right? If the police had done their job sooner I may not be in this position.
In the contact centre my ex repeatedly says hurtful things to my 9 year old son about me e.g. your mams a liar, your mams taking tablets because shes insane, you mam just wants to tell lies to the police to get your dad locked up, I enjoyed watching things burn on the fire. He also removed my sons Christmas top that he had on that played music when you clicked a button as he said it was a listening device that was recording what he was saying, why would he be worried if it was a listening device if he wasn't saying anything bad to my son? He also takes my son into the toilet to say things to him so staff at the contact centre can't hear. My son doesn't look forward to contact and has been up until 1am the night before and has cried to me about not wanting to go. The judge said 'You get him to school so you must get him to the contact centre'. My 3 year old daughter has come home after contact and called me a witch. The advise I've been given is that the dad is not physically hurting the children so there is nothing I can do - but my children are being emotionally manipulated? How can this be fair?
I am finding everything that has happened extremely difficult, just being drugged and raped alone by the man who fathered my children is so hard to deal with on its own without having to leave everything I ever knew behind, leave my home with all my belongings, change the childrens schools, deal with constant court proceedings and then also pick up the pieces every weekend after the children have contact with their dad.
On top of this I am not allowed to go to MY house that the mortgage is only in My name to collect my belongings, I have photographs of my children since there were born, camcorder footage, my children first drawings, baby books, first clothes they wore when they were born, first hair cuts, diaries I have kept since my children were born, a box of items I have had since I was 4 years old- these things can never be replaced and I doubt I will ever see them again- it breaks my heart.
I would really appreciate any advise as this surely can't be right?