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Housekeeping

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Housework help

6 replies

Gemjar · 03/07/2010 13:07

Now i'm the first person to admit that i can be quite lazy, but i'm starting to loose it.

I work full time and dh has also just started a full time job from in the past staying at home during the week. When this was the case i felt justified in shouting if he didn't do most of the housework, and he still got defensive about it then. But now he is working longer hours than me (all be it only slightly) i just know that if i bring up the state that the house is in with him he will get stroppy and tell me that i don't do the housework either.

I know i'm not exactly a domestic goddess but it feels as though i'm spending almost all of my entire weekend off work cleaning when i should be spending time with my 2 year old instead of shouting at him for getting things out when i'm trying to clean and when dh has a day off he does little or nothing around the house.

any advise would be appreciated - and sorry for the long rant

OP posts:
justwhen · 03/07/2010 21:23

not easy thinkin of u x

Gemjar · 03/07/2010 21:30

Thanks, I know it's not that he expects me to do everything it's just that housework doesn't really appear on his radar. It would be nice if i could have a break from being the responsible one and go and play in the park all day with my ds instead of worrying about getting all the housework done

OP posts:
LillianGish · 03/07/2010 21:34

Get a cleaner

Horshamchildminder · 07/07/2010 08:44

Are you both off at the weekend?

If so, I would spend one day doing housework while DH takes DS out for the day (not just an hour - a whole day) and then spend the whole of the other day just concentrating on your DS, maybe having a family day out or even taking your DS out while your DH does a bit.

And then also get a cleaner for a couple of hours in the week just to keep on top of things.

KSal · 07/07/2010 09:43

i really think get a cleaner if you can afford it. We have one for 3 hours every other week (so averages £15 a week) and she does enough that we can minimise cleaning time.

We try to do as much as poss in the evenings, because like you we want to enjoy the weekends with our DD - there's enough to do without cleaning.

glacierchick · 08/07/2010 15:26

I agree, see if you can get a cleaner even once every fortnight is enough to keep the house looking ok.

But I also I suggest you have a (calm, relaxed, non-nagging) word with your DH regarding the tasks, can you maybe agree to split or share them?

As in, "now that we're both working full time we need to think about how we're going to keep the house looking presentable without eating in to all of our precious free time..."

You may find that you each have preferred tasks that fit quite well together.

For instance, I do all of the cooking, DH does all the laundry, but we each put away our own clothes when clean and we both clear the dishes into the dishwasher after eating.

We usually shop together after work (I hate supermarkets) and we also usually do the big washing up together (that is the stuff that doesn't go in the dishwasher)with a glass of wine on a Sunday evening - which actually makes it quite fun together time if you see what I mean and of course it's nice to start the work week with a clean kitchen. He washes, I dry and put away and I usually wipe down the kitchen surfaces at the same time.

I do the vacuuming but he sorts out all the bins and the recycling etc and we both give the bathroom a quick swipe through the week to keep on top of it.

It takes a bit of practice and you do both need to agree on it rather than feel nagged about it, otherwise it doesn't work. We kind of evolved into this pattern after some similar discussions when I felt I was spending all my free time cleaning and cooking. It probably helps if you have a similar idea about what a common level of tidiness/cleanliness is (DH is very housetrained - probably more than I am actually), so maybe you can agree on that first. Then if he still isn't helping, the use of humour can be a marvellous prod. DH is actually quite proud of the fact he does all the washing now and will often say (in jest) that he doesn't trust me with it anymore!

Also, I say thank you a lot to DH for helping out with stuff and he always thanks me for cooking and lets me know he appreciates the food etc.

It makes us both feel appreciated and I guess it's a common courtesy really that is often forgotten in a relationship when it's just something you have to do.
It's also true that it's easier to "train" behaviours with rewards than punishments, though of course people are rather more complex animals than dogs say...

HTH

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