After posting above I read todays Flylady newsletter. I think it's worth posting what she writes below & it hit the nail on the head for me - this is why Flylady is so good at what she does - even if you just read her, it helps. I get worked up about housework/mess etc and get into the childish "It's not fair/martyr roll" which is unhelpful to me & everyone else.
She rocks!:
Turn Your CHAOS into Peace
flylady, 4/19/2010 2:30 am
Dear Friends,
My only concern in the world is for you, your home and your family. I
want you to realize that my mission in life is to help you find the
peace that I have found. Without my routines, I would not be able to
help you. I applaud those of you that have other missions; we all
have to find our paths in life. My mission is to help you clear out
the clutter so you will know what your mission is. We have seen this
happen time and time again.
But it doesn't happen over night! Despite the fact that we can crisis
clean and the house will look presentable for company! Our attitudes
are the peaceful deciding factor in our homes. Let's think about this
for a minute. When we clean and feel that we are the only one that
does anything, then we are playing the martyr. Regardless of the fact
that the statement may be true, you have made yourself feel bad (pity-
pot again) and let's not forget about the deafening sounds of silence
in your pout or even worse the loud yelling tones of disapproval
toward your family and the screaming demands for someone to get off
their franny and help you!
Everyone will stay clear of you at this point! No wonder you don't
have any help. No one wants to be around you! Now let's look at the
reverse of this whiny attitude.
When we quit nagging, pouting, yelling, screaming and just go about
our daily routines then the tone of your home and your voice begins
to change. The yelling, screaming, nagging, and pouting have not
worked to get any help around the house; then why not try something
different. A change in attitude!
You are responsible for the tone in your home. You can decide to be
happy and it will happen. You can be mad and everyone will be mad, or
you can be in a tizzy and the whole house will be turned upside down
in a matter of a few minutes. You can be stressed and fearful and
your babies will know it. So will your critters.
So why does it have to be your responsibility for the tone in your
home. I don't rightly know, but as we say in the south, "If Mama
ain't happy then nobody's happy." Maybe it is because we are the
nurturers. I know when I am sick, I still want my mommy! We look to
the female of our species to take care of us, whether we are 5 or 50.
I didn't make the rules, but we are all called on to live by them
whether we like it or not. Rebelling doesn't make us any happier.
Besides what is wrong with being content.
I am listening to a beautiful piece of music right now. My Sweet
Darling put on a violin concerto by Mendelssohn. I asked him to tell
me what he knew about the composer. He told me that his critics said
his music had no conflict and resolution, that it was too sweet. Well
to that I say what is wrong with sweet, does everything have to be
conflicted and be fixed! I kind of like being satisfied, content and
things going along smoothly.
Since having my routines and clutter out of my life along with my new
attitude, I no longer live on adrenalin. For years I was constantly
putting out fires and running around with my head cut off. When you
are tearing through life: you miss so much as well as being more
accident prone because of your rush. When are you going to slow down
and let your routines put you on automatic pilot? It is such a
blessing to flow through your day and not be feeding on the frenzy of
CHAOS! You are going to be so surprised when your calm example
entices your family to pitch in. I know you don't believe me, but it
will happen if you will take our attitude adjusting essays to heart
and let them turn your CHAOS into peace!
Are you ready to FLY?
FlyLady