Please help... I need a strategy to deal with the mess my children create... I have just lost my temper with them BIG TIME....

[OnlyTeaForMe]

Feel like I am sinking under the constant clutter and mess created by my 2 boys (10 & 7)

They just seem to move from room to room creating a pigsty.

They each have a their own room, they have a shared playroom, and they also use the main lounge.

Everywhere I go the floor is covered with lego models, comics, books, DVDs etc.

It makes me sooooooooooo angry.

They know they are meant to tidy up, but just don't. At the end of the day I am too busy/ tired to nag them and sit there while they do it.
Last weekend I spent 5 hours with DS2 in his room sorting out lego and models off the floor and into boxes so that I could hoover the floor for about the first time in 3 months .
This morning I went into his room, and the floor is COVERED again .

It's a tortuous process... DS2 claims he is 'busy playing' with anything I touch They ahve ample shelves and boxes and cupboards, but nothing ever gets put away unless I do it (or, as in the case this morning I lose my rag, scream, shout and end up in tears, in which case DH makes a token effort for about half an hour )

DS1 (10) just moves things around - leaving them on chairs and corner of the bed etc.

Last night I tidied the living room as we have people coming over today. This morning at 7.30 it was covered with Lego, cards, marbles etc again. In a fit of peak I put everything into a bag and said I was going to throw it out (but didn't).
But everyone ended up in tears (me & DS2) or angry and shouting (DH & DS1).

Help. I have to take control of this situation, but I am at the end of my tether...

I really don't know how to change things. Someone give me a step-by-step plan.... please.

I think you need to sit them down and calmly tell them there are some new rules, only xx things out at a time, all toys to be tidied before bed etc etc. Put up a big sign on the wall of playroom reminding them of the new rules!! Much easier to talk to them about it when you and they are calm rather than waiting till it is messy and you are fed up and knackered

Allow a reasonable amount of time in the evening before they go to bed for 'tidy up time' and be regimented about doing it. Tell them that toys left lying around will be put away in a box and not given back until tidying routine back on track and do not give in if they cry!

Mine are younger than yours but I cannot bear having toys everywhere once they are in bed as I can't relax when the house is a tip and I have found I only had to take their toys away a couple of times before they knew I meant business! They are fairly good about it now, they still create total chaos in the day but it all gets put away again at bedtime.

Also, could you limit toys to playroom and bedroom so you have living room as a bit of a sanctuary?

Isn't that lovely that they aren't just sittting in front of computer though, but actually playing with cards, lego and suchlike? I think a lot of people think telly is the tidy option.

I would remove some of the toys from their room and put them in the shed or loft and say you are rotating them quarterly. Until they can show they can put them away. Say it in a nice voice, as if you are giving them a treat, ie; we are going to have special toys for the spring. Or are they too sophisticated for such tactics?

My sister who has three boys that age uses pocket money challenge too.
They get pocket money, but chores are part of the deal. So half of pocket money is based on keeping their rooms tidy - say 20p a day for basic cleanup. At end of week if you have to do it they lose that £ of their money.

Other strategies I have come across were accepting that some mess is creative and some just mess - so a game in progress should not be disturbed, but just littering the house with cups, orange peel books DVDs dirty clothes is another matter.
I think they feel very defensive if you classify ALL their activities as mess, but at the same time there's no reason why a basic regime of putting some things in laundry baskets, and back on shelves shouldn't be followed.

Do you think men are just like that anyway

yes i once said "I cannot keep up with this"

do you have enough storeage?
do you have systems and do YOU stick to them

do you have sanctions?

also tidy before bed and before school every day

I think you need to be brutal about the fact that communal living areas need to be tidy at bed time (so no toys etc left in the living room, kitchen, hall etc), and that their bedrooms have to be "comfortably tidy" for sleeping. As your children have a playroom you should aim to concentrate ongoing games [Lego etc) in there, and just shut the door on them in the evening.

You should make sure that there is one day a week when their bedrooms are properly tidy, ready to be cleaned thoroughly the following day.

First thing I would do is tell them that they do not have toys in the main lounge as it seems that they are just spreading their mess around over as much space that they can -their bedrooms and playroom should be adequate play-space. Also through doing this it means that you have a relaxing, non-messy area to use.

Then I would look at what others have suggested -eg.boxing up and rotating toys

Ha! think you've seen mess? you should have a teenage girl. My strategy: anything left outside her room is picked up and thrown in her room; her doors stay shut so nobody else is subjected to the mess; if it's not in the laundry basket it doesn't get washed. If she borrows my stuff and doesn't give it back I have the right to march in at any time without notice and collect it; ditto household goods like plates and cups and towels. So if she wants privacy she has to at least respect everyone else's stuff. Every couple of months I have either a huge hissy fit or we clear it out together.

DS is just as messy by nature but has much less stuff so the situation is less acute.

Over the years I have tried quite a few strategies from punitive sanctions to outright bribery and most things between, but to no avail. and TBH when I was her age I would have been the same if I'd had so much Stuff to make a mess of. I just didn't see the issue.

Not much help for your boys but nice to vent.

Thanks - some good ideas here.
I have calmed down a bit, and told DH that we need to agree on a joint strategy and stick to it - supporting each other .

I think it's the lego in DS2's room that really gets me down... he's a 'collector' and likes to build a model, then make it part of some elaborate 'battle scene' which is on-going... so he resists any attempt for me to 'tidy' anything to do with it - it's all 'on-going'.... We gave him a huge coffee table in his room to build 'scenes' on, but all the spare stuff just seems to be all over the floor 'in progress' .
Oh, and he also keeps all the lego boxes too, as he likes to refer back to the picture.

Pocket money challenge may be an option - we've been a bit lax about organising/paying it.

DS1 is just plain lazy though I reckon - steps out of his boxers and leaves them on the floor

see - it's definitely nature not nurture

agree with anna

i dont ever understand when parents say "i spent 3 hours tidying a bedroom"
when we are getting ready for bed we tidy up etc liek you clean the kitchen before bed.

Not sure how helpful this is but with my dd (5) she knows that when I say it is time to tidy up she either does it or I do it. She doesn't like the way I tidy up her stuff (I get a big black bag and throw everything away) so she soon does it herself! I have never (and would never) got past getting out a bin bag and starting to pick stuff up!!

And seeing that there is a playroom for them as well there should not be any toys at all in the main lounge. That should be for adults or Tv (or whatever)

I threaten to throw away and I do! and they dont get it back. It soon works.

We are on a major blitz today as DB and family are coming next week and the house needs a little bit of work!!

Nothing like guests to spur you into action!!

If he likes to refer to the pic on the lego box can you just cut out the tops of the boxes with the pics on and keep those in a ziplock bag or something? We do this with all jigsaws as the boxes take up so much space. Cut off the pics on the lids then put each jigsaw with the pieces in a clear ziplock bag.

Ultimately you have to just decide how you want it to be and be mega strict IMO. If you cannot cope with the constant lego 'works in progress' you have to say that he can only have one thing left out at a time or get him a really big plastic box that all in progress builds must go into before bed. They are never going to like it or agree willingly at first but if it's getting you down you have to stick to your guns. You are not asking them to throw it all out, just to respect their belongings and home. Not too much to ask!

If they have a playroom I vote most toys go there and stay there. If they want to play in the lounge then they may bring out one toy at a time and tidy it away when done.

I agree with the idea of pocket money as a reward for tidying. Depending on how much you aim to give them they can lose a percentage evey day they do not tidy up so that by, say, Saturday when they receive their money it is adjusted according to how they have kept the place tidy. keep a chart on the fridge so they know.

Finally, when my mum got to the end of her patience with my untidy room she would say "you have one hour to tidy, otherwise I will go in with a bin bag and everything on the floor is going in it"
Always worked!

I think it is horrible being TIDIED UP when you are in the middle of something, but at the same time it is making you miserable so there has to be some compromise between their creative genius and your drudgery and that's what you have to discuss with them.

I think if they knew where they were allowed to make the mess and when, they could pull their socks up a bit and then you wouldn't feel like a battleaxe.

Anyway your ds2 does sound a bit of a genius!

Aw bless - you are all seeing the positives of their creative play/ model-making etc, and I just see the mess!

Think perhaps I will get a couple of big plastic boxes to keep under DS2's table and insist that work in progress has to go (safely) in there

I am lucky enough to have a conservatory playroom for my boys. The rules are that anything they want to leave out for the next day they can but only in the playroom.

Their rooms have to be completely tidy every night as I am not breaking my neck walking into/on things in the dark if they need me in the night (they are 6 and 3)

The lounge is tidied every night. All toys are returned to the playroom, and I don't mind if it isn't all put away because I can shut the door and the curtains on it.

My sons have books and jigsaws in their rooms but the toys are in the playroom, that way there shouldn't be anything left out.

Lego- I use a dustpan to tidy it up, makes it quick

And yes they paint/play with playdoh/glue stuff and make one hell of a mess, it is just about tidying it away when they have finished.