Struggling to keep on top of chores despite lists and routines

[IncessantNameChanger]

Suddenly I am finding I can not adult and keep on top of chores.

I have Team Tom, I write lists, I keep on top of washing but I just feel like I have lost my ability to just function like a normal adult who just instinctively knows how to run a house and cope.

I don't think j have always been like this. But I have always been a procrastinator. I was at one point a hoarder. Not to a terrible extent as I have a disabled child so have children with disabilities team in and out of my house and they have never mentioned the state of the house even at my worst. Just Total inability to get rid of out grown clothes toys and clothes as I can't decide. But that's 100% better and has been for years.

I am possibly peri and now wondering if ihave ADHD as two of my kids have been diagnosed.

If Team Tom isn't working, what else can I try? I like rotas. Lists. But need priorities. I also get distracted and go off task. I can tidy all day but achieving not much as I'm in and out of rooms with
I will tale this upstairs, or look let's put some washing away, I will look for a hanger, then find a teatowel and take it downstairs etc.

You sound very like me. I’ve always struggled a bit but it’s a million times worse now I’m late 40s and on tamoxifen

I find this cartoon explains the reasons why it’s so hard.

https://www.scarymommy.com/emma-you-shouldve-asked-mental-load

As for the solutions, I’m not totally sure I’ve got them!

I do have to think about a habit I can create and then I spend some time focussing on that habit (everything else goes to pot!) then I move on to a different.

then we get a heatwave, I only get 5 hours a night for a week and I forget everything!

I make lists but totally for get to look at them. the only list that seems to help and get looked at a bit is Google keep. My current habit effort is to at least keep checking it several times a day.

Mumsnet suggested Jessica McCabe for adhd and I find her ideas helpful

I find going for a quick dog walk is a good way to think about what I’m going to do next.

I wasn’t sure what Tom was but now I do.

I think we developed an adapted version; there’s no way I can do that and the work I do part time. I prioritise kitchen and laundry and then bathrooms.

I think team Tom goes down into too much detail for me, then it feel insurmountable. The kids have lots of sets of uniform and I do washing nearly every day. We cook meals from scratch and load the dishwasher daily. I try to wipe around the bathroom and loo at least once a week. But say if I'm going to do a bigger job like go through the kids summer clothes I get into a wormhole, throw out 100 things at once and think to myself "why can't I just do this every month?" I had 20 bags for charity this weekend.

Wasn't at work today so set it aside for a good tidy and did nothing at all as didn't know where to start. Oh I did clean the bathroom. That's it

I’m like this, and I find the more lists I had the worse it was. Not least because writing the lists is procrastination in itself!
I found too many lists was overwhelming and just set me up to fail.
I started by picking 2 or 3 things to do everyday - a load of laundry, wipe round the bathrooms and kitchen surfaces, that sort of thing. Then add a bigger job here and there.
my house is still a tip (!) but it is going to be, and it’s better than it was. And I’ll just keep adding little things, slowly, and hope I don’t notice……

I think looking at TOM makes me feel worse tbh.

I’ve tried to make everything as easy to do a possible. We’ve 3 loos so cleaning stuff is behind each so I can clean it if I’m there. A hand Hoover on top floor

ikea bags for laundry - I have to do it over 3-4 days of the week and then do a big sort on Sat or Sunday into the bags listening to a podcast . If they don’t make it into drawers at least it’s in the bag.

sorting things really does take ages so I only do that if I’ve e decent chunk of time. I once spent a couple of months slowly going through all the cupboards in the kitchen/ diner/ living room. Everything else was ignored for a while - just to make it easier to tidy. Marie Kondo type approach, everything has a place.

Having less stuff generally helps. A friend got a de clutter woman round. Main advice was to start in one corner and work clockwise when tidying.

She got rid of loads of stuff. We did when we moved.

it is utterly relentless tho! It’s a bit easier now the kids are getting older. One is un stacking the dish washer sometimes.

I’ve had to lower my standards!

I use Tody app for cleaning. You set the tasks and frequency. You aim to beat Dusty by getting more points. I like that I just do what I can. I can pick up overdue items later and get credit if I do things early, needed or not.

I use finch app to build habits. Sometimes I find it easy, sometimes not. Habit stacking and triggers really works well for me. I'm currently struggling to set this up in the evening as I usually go in my bedroom whilst toddler settles herself to sleep so I'm close by. And then never get back into cleaning mode.

Thank you I will download that app

I completely get it, it’s exhausting! When you're dealing with possible peri/ADHD and jumping from room to room, strict rotas just lead to burnout. Try the 'one room, one box' rule: stay in one room, put everything that belongs elsewhere in a basket, and only empty it at the very end. Be gentle with yourself!
If it ever gets too overwhelming, outsourcing is an absolute lifesaver. I use a local platform called my cleanerHUB here in Berks just to keep the baseline pressure off when life gets chaotic. Sending lots of luck!

You said you have tried TOMM but have you tried the guided cleans? I find them really helpful. There are guided declutter sessions too..

I do about half an hour a day of general housework on a weekday - kitchen, sth washing related and something on bathrooms (work more than f/t so 30 mins has to be enough). I tend to do two hours on a Saturday and that keeps house in check. Get ready for week on Sunday. Declutter for 30 mins once per month with a big declutter once a year. The house gets messy but it’s generally ok.