Please help me prioritise when the house feels completely overwhelming 😢

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I have posted before but have reached crisis point again. I just need some support to prioritise please. Any help very much appreciated.

My house is appalling. We can’t have people over. I don’t know where to start! Four children and a husband who works away.

I have task paralysis whereby I sit and look at it all but just can’t bring myself to do anything.

I don’t even know what I’m asking. Please someone give me a list of what to do 😭

Start with flat surfaces, OP.

Go round and pick anything up that is dumped on a table, worktop or kitchen side. Put it back where it should go if possible.

Just do that for now and it will look a lot better!

(If you can pick anything up off the living room floor, sweep it into a box/basket and shove it behind the sofa) You can deal with that tomorrow but it will look better for now.

Well what is it that actually needs doing?

Are you talking about putting coats away, shoes away, shoppig bags away, handbags away (thinking hallway), is the recycling stacking up in the hall (ours does), is there a ton of things on the bottom stair to be taken up (like ours)

Living room - are there magazines, phones, chargers, wires, bits on side tables, toys on floor?

and so on for each room?

Or are you talking about cleaning rather than tidying, or both?

Upstairs, are you talking about sorting washing into the washing baskets, or putting clean washing away? Hanging things up, folding things into drawers?

Make a list for each room, small things.

One room at a time, One corner at a time. Don’t see it as you need to clean and tidy the whole house in one go- that would be overwhelming! Task yourself with just sorting one corner of one room per day! You’ll see how quickly it can all come together

I start with what irritates me most. Often that's a small job that can be done in as little as 5 minutes. Emptying a bin. Vacuuming a patch of floor. Tidying a patch of surface. Emptying a laundry basket.

Record what you achieve.

I like the 3 item list. Put your first 3 tasks down. Complete the first task. Add one. Complete the second. Add one. What you've done stacks up and you have the next task lined up, but don't have an overwhelming list overhanging to return to.

Anither strategy to gamify it is to use the wheel of names, put your list in and spin the wheel and do what comes up. https://wheelofnames.com/

I would tackle each room at a time and don't leave the room until it's done. Bin bag to chuck anything away , put anything to donate or sell in a box, put anything that need to be in another room - in that room. Then clean it. Keep going. I would do a room a day. Sort out the charity/selling pile at the entt

How much time a day do you realistically have? Can you afford to throw any money at it for a cleaner or robot hoover? Are the kids pulling their weight?

First of all put a load of washing on and set the dishwasher off. Then Walk round with a bin bag and empty all the bins.
Throw any more clothes you find discarded about the house in the washing basket.
You could get dc to do one each of these jobs as a ‘fun task’ with a timer (what can we get done in 5 minutes? Adds an element of silly speedy competition) depending on their ages.

A room a day with a timer on. Set aside say 1 hour and get as much done as you can.

Maybe also consider other reasons for the lack of motivation. For example in my case if I’ve got lots of tasks to do, I know if I go out for a quick walk after a shower then I might feel a bit more energised. Otherwise I can sit around for hours feeling overwhelmed. I make a coffee to have alongside jobs.
does it help to realise that many jobs can be done in 5-10 minutes or less?
hoover a room - 5 minutes, 10 if done round edges too.
changing one bed - 10 minutes maximum
so like a pp said - put a wash on to start. I’d then perhaps clean toilet and sink - don’t then panic and think the rest of the bathroom needs a deep clean, you’re doing little steps to start.
make jobs as pleasant and easy as you can - might be putting music or podcast on, getting nice fragranced cleaning fluid etc.

Get those kids helping! Doesnt matter the age, set the timer for 15 mins and tidy the lounge, you'll be amazed how much gets done. Hoover and dust main surfaces if time.

Then at least het the dishwasher on and empty the bins befire taking a break. Then a good tidy of the kitchen.

Send the kids to get every piece of dirty washing and make a laundry mountain. Plough though that over the week.

Hi,
Start with opening the windows and letting air in to the house.
Grab a large bin bag and empty all the bins.
Put a wash on and load up the dishwasher.
Get the kids involved, delegate jobs to them.
Then pick one job that you all do, so tackle clothes / laundry, folding, putting away.
Pick a room, put a timer for 10 minutes on and work you way around it .
What would you like to sort first?

Sympathies OP I have a chronic condition and its been quite bad of late. I am hoping if tomorrow is ok I can start to tackle the house. I usually start at the top of the house and work downwards. It is probably a good idea to tidy up first as well so I spend some time putting things away and then I clean. Also be realistic about what you can manage in a single go and when you do get anything done be sure to give yourself a pat on the back for it and a nice break i.e. watch a youtube video or read a chapter of your book with a nice cuppa.

This post made me feel panicky, haha! So I guess the answer is all of the above.

Thank you all…..I will come back and respond properly in a bit 💐

Empty the bins.

https://goblin.tools

lovely little AI front end. Give it a task, it will make you a to do list. So, tell it I want to clean bathroom… loads lovely exec function support there.

I did ask chatgpt to write a more in depth version of the plan I tend to use if things get to much although I have got quite good at keeping on top of things now but I do only have 1 DD for 50% of the time.

Managing the house and four kids while your husband is away so much is a massive job, and it is completely normal to feel overwhelmed by it all. Please be gentle with yourself!

The long version of what I said to chatgpt:

The trick is to literally just focus on one room at a time and ignore the rest of the house while you focus.

The Room-by-Room Reset
Before you start a room, grab two black bin bags and two cardboard boxes. Walk into the room and do this:

1. The Quick Clear: Put any actual rubbish straight into a bin bag. Put anything the kids have outgrown or don't use anymore into Box 1 (Charity). Get those out of the room first.
2. The Easy Wins: Anything that already has a designated "home" in that room, put it away.
3. The "No-Home" Box: Anything left over that belongs in the room but doesn't have a proper spot yet, put it into Box 2. Don’t worry about where it lives right now—just corral it into the box so the room is clear.
4. The Clean: Now that the surfaces and floors are clear, do a quick top-to-bottom clean. Dust, hoover, and wipe things down. It feels so satisfying to clean a clear space!
5. The Storage Fix: Once the room is clean, look at what’s left in Box 2. This is where you assess your storage. Do you need a new basket, some drawer dividers, or a little shelving unit to give these things a proper home? (Don't buy storage until you know exactly what needs to go in it!).

Keeping on Top of It
With four kids, it’s never going to stay picture-perfect, and it shouldn't! But to keep the chaos from creeping back in, here are a few habits that really help:

• Protect the Kitchen: Try to keep on top of the kitchen every single day. Clear the sides and get the dishwasher done. If the kitchen is clean, the whole house instantly feels 50% better.
• The 10-Minute Family Blitz: Get the kids involved! Give it a set time every day (like just before tea or screen time) where everyone spends 10 minutes putting things back in their homes.
• The 2-Day Tidy: Every couple of days, do a quick general tidy of the main living areas just to reset things.
• Set Days for Deep Cleaning: Pick specific days for specific chores (like a set day for bathrooms or a set day for tackling the laundry mountain) so you aren’t trying to do everything every day.

A Couple of Extra "Survival" Tips:

• The "Elsewhere" Basket: When you are tackling a room, keep a basket by the door for things that actually belong upstairs or in another room. Toss them in there so you aren't constantly walking out of the room and getting distracted.
• Kid Baskets: Give each of the kids a plastic basket or tub. If their toys/stuff are scattered all over the living room, chuck them into their specific basket. Their job before bed is to take their basket to their bedroom and empty it.
• Permanent Charity Box: Put a box in the bottom of a wardrobe. The second a kid outgrows a top or gets bored of a toy, drop it in there. When it’s full, put it straight in the car boot to drop off.

There is a woman called Feral Tradwife on YouTube. She has ADHD and 2 autistic children and her house is often really messy. I watch her because she has a unique way of tackling her house when things get out of hand, in her opinion, and it's motivating to watch others clean if you are a bit behind on your own home, IMO!

Oh sorry, I was thinking of our house!!!

As others have said, bin bag in hand, go round ONE room

Put things in drawers or cupboards, or in the bin bag

Have another bag which is things that might need to go to charity

Put things away that are in that room, but which live in other rooms or upstairs but when putting them away DONT get distracted on the way there or back, go straight back to the room you're clearing and carry on

Once done after that 10 mins or an hour, have a cup of tea and a nice cake.

I've found listing things as I do them and creating a 'Done' list rather than a To Do list sometimes helps, seeing it build helps with motivation and there's no huge daunting list that makes you feel like a failure if you don't get through it.
As for getting started, I start with something that will make another job easier, so loading the dishwasher/washing up so I'm able to cook later on or taking out the rubbish/recycling so there is room for anything I need to throw out as I tackle clearing a worktop, corner, cupboard etc.
In short, I focus on what I have done rather than what needs to be done and it doesn't seem so debilitating. Aim for progress not perfection and you can get there.

Get some "mirroring" going. Something like a youtube video or podcast.
There's the recent series of Sort Your Life Out on iPlayer too.

Thanks again- some good tips.

I really struggle to concentrate on one room at a time, but I know that’s what I should do…Will try setting a timer for an hour tonight and see how I get on in ONE ROOM.

I’ll come back to update 😊

Oh I love Sort Your Life Out- have already watched the latest series!

Dana White’s podcast turned my house around. Non judgemental, funny, and practical advice that actually works.

I had horrible task paralysis - like literally being unable to move when I was overwhelmed. Her strategies are about breaking through overwhelm.

I have heard of her…bought her book to add to the clutter (haven’t read it…😭)

I’ll look up her podcast. Thank you!