Help - I am terrible at housekeeping

[Howdoidothishuh]

My house is terrible. Not hoarding level but very cluttered and not very clean. Two kids, 3 and 7. One short day free a week but often get overwhelmed and fail to do much when I have the time. Burned out from grieving a parent. Partner who works full time. Doing the bare minimum of washing (damp house, no dryer) and washing up etc but no regular deep cleaning, trying to hoover and clean bathroom every couple of weeks or so. It's depressing and getting chaotic. I know we need to get in better habits but I don't know where to start. So tired by the end of the day. No money for cleaner. Any tips much appreciated 🙏

I know how you feel. I have become burnt out with kids with various SEN. You could try a app like team Tom. There is a room a day. Even if you just did ten minutes in that room it will help.

I wash every day without fail. If I do nothing else we have clean clothes.

Could you pay someone to do a one off deep clean for you?
have you got time off over Xmas you can use to tackle decluttering? There’s no easy way to do it sadly (other than hire a skip and throw in everything in sight!) but once you get things sorted it will be a lot easier to keep on top of.
i think you’ve just got to be disciplined to keep on top of things as 10minutes can make a big difference and if everything is sorted and has its place there’s no reason why everyone can’t be responsible for their own stuff. Little things like you put things in the dishwasher rather than leave them on the worktop, or make sure you wash up after each meal.
shoes and coats need a place by the front door and everyone takes them off there etc.
and buy a dehumidifier for your damp laundry!

You are in the thick of it with young children, especially as one is pre-school age. My are older than that now, but I still have boxes of life admin (about pension etc) all untouched from that whole period, as it was all too much to deal with at the time. Do you have any financial capacity to invest in a cleaner? Or could you buy a dehumidifier (they can dry the washing quite quickly)? In terms of stuff, I always wish I had enlisted the kids’ help more - putting things away after they had finished them, and not getting a toy out until the previous one is out away. I think packing kids toys away, and rotating them, so they have access to fewer things at a time can also really help. What ‘things’ / issues are your main problems / priorityat the moment?

I have a tendency to mess and overwhelm too. I also do a load of washing every day. The other things I try to do most days is clear the kitchen table completely after eating, make the bed and put the dishwasher through. Could you get a dryer? Having lots of wet clothes hanging around is depressing. With cleaning, I set a timer for 20 minutes and put on some music and try to do as much as I can in the time. We tolerate quite a lot of mess but at the weekend my husband and I sometimes do a deeper clean for an hour. I find the only thing that really focuses my mind is to invite people over. I think doing a bit every day helps in general.

Thanks for the app recommendation. I really struggle to get washing dry every day this time of year, it's frustrating!

Oh, and doing an extra spin of the clothes can reduce drying time as well. I think building in little habits to your day can really help, so you are not having to find really long chunks of time. And focus on the rooms that you spend a lot of time in, as that will make your house feel calmer (if you can get eg a tidy / sorted living room and kitchen. Set a timer for 15 mins, put some good music on, and see what you can accompiish (whether that is tidying, cleaning or declutterring)..

And pre-Xmas is a great time to get the kids to do a toy declutter!
you need routine - little things like the kids tidy toys away before bathtime / bedtime. Stick a song on and they have to finish before it ends or see if they can finish before you’ve done a task such as washing up.

With the kids stuff start by getting rid of the things (toys, clothes and equipment) that the youngest has grown out of.
Then move on to the older child's stuff. Only keep what is suitable for passing on to the youngest.
Then go through your clothes and get DH to do his.

No advice. Just here in solidarity. I only work PT and I still find my small untidy and cluttered house completely overwhelming.

Get a decent dehumidifier. Mine dries a 9kg load in 2/3 hours. Will also dry out your house and cheaper to buy and run than a dryer. Decent big one will be £150-200ish. Look at Meaco.

When I'm struggling with clutter I deal with my needs first- cup of tea, snack, loo, 10minute doom scroll. Then ppdcast/ music on and set a short timer- 15mins, pick an area and power through. Bin bag and charity bag. If you pick something up it goes away in the right place or in one of the bags.

Short tasks keep me focused and start with easy wins like hanging coats up or cleaning the sink.

Things I've done, being a tidy person living with a hoarder husband and 4 kids (just 2 now, 2 grown).

1. Encourage kids to do chores feom early age. They can put washing in a basket, put toys away, put shoes in a box, hang coats, tidy plates to sink.

1. Pick one thing to tackle until it becomes a habit. Start with something like tidying the lounge before bed every day. I find keeping 1 room tidy means I can at least relax in one room. Once its habit and manageable in a short time, add another habit.

1. Declutter. Again, pick an area. 1 drawer. The kids toys. Kitchen utensils. Whatever, just sort it and take it to the charity shop/tip/ sell on face book. Keep doing 1 small area until you're in control.

1. Clothes - do washing everything day. Ask for a dehumidifier foe Christmas, or vouchers towards one if you can. Hang items that you can straight onto a hanger. In your wardrobe, hang your clothes at the front. Items at the back of the wardrobe - if you dont wear them fir a few months, get rid. Or find a way to wear them.

1. Have a strict one put, one in rule

1. Shopping- order on line. Plan ahead, order your food weekly and try to batch cook. If that's too much, double up when you cook and freeze. Even if you do it a few times a week you will soon free up a bit of time.

1. Try to keep kitchen clean. Put away, wipe every surface, sweep. Thank yourself every morning when you get up to a tidy kitchen.

1. Remember no one is perfect. It takes time to create patterns and habits, especially with little ones. It does get easier, I promise.

Hop onto the Flylady threads.
It's about habit building.

December Flylady - Fledglings fluttering towards the Festive Season

Really friendly thread.
I've been decluttering for years, and I'm finally ready to follow the routines.

Could you get a dehumidifier? It’s great for damp houses and helping clothes to dry faster.
Just say to yourself I will set a timer and do 5 minutes. Put some fun music on. And in the 5 minutes find 3 things to put in the bin. And have a Hoover.
Then see if you want to carry on. If you don’t it’s ok. If you do then carry on for maximum 30 minutes.

I grew up in a messy chaotic house, friends Weren't allowed in. It made me super tidy..I tidy rooms before leaving them,a couple of minutes to air the bed, window open bed made. Throws and cushions included.. DH used the bathroom first, I clean bath/shower/basin/worktops/toilet before leaving the bathroom,takes a couple of minutes. Weekly window sill, floor. We have 2 long haired dogs, I've always had animals,4 dks ,looked after dgks and worked full time. Toys were put in toy box at the end of the day, and in the kids bedrooms. Then it was the adult room. Put things away, not down. I have a tiny open plan kitchen now, baking, cooking, everything is put away as soon as it is used, flour, sugar, butter. Dirty stuff straight in the dishwasher, I didn't have one when the kids were at home.. nothing needs a deep clean. I used to be a cleaner,ex H had his own cleaning company. We gave up hiring people,we had big airline office contracts and couldn't find anyone who did a decent job. I was nursing ft, then cleaned after the offices were closed in the evenings.

After DH died I let things slide. I paid for a one off clean which immediately made me feel better. I had felt like I had a mountain to climb every day but now I have a list and do one job every day. Crossing a job off my list is very therapeutic and I’m now able to keep on top of things.

Thank you all for your advice. I have got a dehumidifier now which is helping. House is still chaos but I'm trying. I feel like part of the problem is kids aren't used to me tidying up with them around and joining in so they get annoyed wanting my attention and I end up getting frustrated. I also don't just put them to bed and then get on with the evening which would give me more time, I lie with the youngest til she sleeps which can take ages. By the time I'm done my partner is often going to bed. I keep staying up too late and not getting enough sleep because I feel I have zero time to myself.

Try headphone and listening to podcasts when putting little one to bed. I’ve tried going to sleep with little one and then getting uo and watching TV early.

What is DP doing while you’re doing bedtime? He can be doing 15 mins of chores.

Tends to just wash up in that time and take the bins out if needed. Enough to keep the basics going but not enough to make anything better

Some great advice on this thread!
I have always struggled with housekeeping and I no longer have young kids to distract me. I’m just constantly overwhelmed by how much there is to do and I hate doing it, so struggle to get motivated. But I really need to get going on it so my house is a nice place for our family to relax in. Especially for Christmas.
Thank you @Howdoidothishuh for the thread and I hope you feel better about things soon.

I think you might need Dana K White. She has a ton of youtube videos and has been figuring out her own decluttering and cleaning routines for years.

One of her things is '21 days to hope for your home'. I'm gradually digging my way out of a cluttered mess and my home is so much better now even though theres quite a way to go.

m.youtube.com/watch?v=Rx2Bh9n6VKc&pp=0gcJCTwKAYcqIYzv

@Howdoidothishuh …another thing to tackle (when you can face it), is to try and get some of your evening back by changing how your little one goes to bed.. so you don’t end up spending the evening lying in a dark room with a small child. It’s really important for you to get some evening down-time too (not just for doing housework!). I have found that sometimes if you can get yourself some quality time off (maybe every evening after dc goes to bed) then it becomes a bit easier to become more effective at doing the mundane tasks that get you down (and quickly stack up). You probably need a different thread for this, though - for how you can gently shift the bed-time routine to one that suits you and your partner better! Good luck!

ps - yes, Dana K White is brilliant, I agree with pp :)

You have some great advice on here already. It was really tough when DC were little. Now they are older, it is much easier.

I work FT but aim to do five ‘non-negotiables’ each day. These are:

1. Make beds. Air house for 10 mins if possible.
2. 5 minute tidy.
3. Kitchen clean down after dinner.
4. 5 min floor sweep or vacuum.
5. Do sth laundry related for 5/10 mins each day.

This makes a massive difference and really adds up. One week, clean upstairs, one week clean downstairs.

Good luck!