Overwhelmed. What do I do?

[OrangeOctopusEyes]

Hi all, I’m currently feeling rather overwhelmed. I’m a single mum to 2 under 3. I work full time average 50 hours a week. I went to a family members house at the weekend for a kids party and it made me realise how atrocious my own house is. It’s about a 5/6 on the hoarding scale, there are multiple unfinished projects, the kitchen is basic and desperately needs an upgrade. I currently have flu so I feel even more paralysed by it all. This is not good enough for my children but I don’t know where to begin…

Oh bless you, don't do anything until you are over the flu. What sort of unfinished projects? Can you let any of them go?

It sounds like you’re carrying an absolutely huge load right now. A 50-hour work week, two under three, doing it all alone, and now you’re unwell on top.
honestly, anyone would be overwhelmed. Please try to give yourself some grace. This isn’t about you being “not good enough”; it’s about you being exhausted.

A few things that might help you get unstuck:

1. You don’t need to fix the whole house — choose one tiny, low-energy win.

When everything is chaos, your brain freezes. Pick one thing you can finish in 10 minutes:

• Clear one surface (kitchen table, coffee table, a corner).
• Fill one bag with rubbish.
• Put one load of laundry on.
• Tiny wins rebuild momentum.

1. Rest while you’ve got flu.

Your body is already running on empty. Trying to tackle everything while ill will only make you crash harder. Get well first — even if that means the house waits.

1. The hoarding scale isn’t a moral judgment.

It just means life has been bigger than your capacity. With toddlers and long working hours, this is a common situation. You’re not failing — you’re stretched.

1. Choose one priority space.

Ask yourself: “What room would reduce my stress the most if it was tidier?” Often it’s:

• The kitchen (so you can feed the kids easily)
• or
• One safe play area (so they can play without constant supervision).
• Ignore the rest for now.

1. Consider bringing in help — even a little.

If it’s financially possible:

• A one-off cleaner
• TaskRabbit/handyman to finish one project
• Decluttering help for 2 hours
• It’s not a luxury — it’s support so you can breathe.

1. Break projects into minimum steps.

Instead of “redo the kitchen”, think:

• Clear counter
• Remove broken items
• Make list of essentials
• One step at a time.

hope you feel better soon

What’s your job, are you working from home?

Try not to beat yourself up. If your kids are fed, clothed and loved then you’re doing all that matters right now.
If you want to feel more on top of the house do one small job each day and step by step you’ll get there.

First of all get someone to help you. Start with clothes. Gather all your clothes. All those that don't spark joy or have a use should be discarded. Get them out of the house the same day. You might need to get someone to take the kids out for the day so you can crack on. Then do their clothes. Out grown? Out.

I’ve got a half built porch, shelves which never got put up in the lounge, unplastered landing, sink not fastened down in the bathroom. Probably more but they’re the ones that spring to mind 😔

Wow this is a brilliant guide thank you so much 💐

No I do shift work. Emergency services

I can’t actually get to my clothes at the moment as I have boxes stacked in front of the wardrobe. I just have a chair in my room with my work uniform, pyjamas and 1 other outfit which I rotate

I read something in an online paper that suggested tackling things in order of the day, and doing one thing a day, but spending 20 minutes on it max. So what do you do first in a day? If you go for a wee and get a drink, then you clear that area first. Then you wash your hands, so I guess that might mean getting someone in to attach your basin so perhaps that day you ring a handyman to book that in. Then what's next. Eg sort out your sock drawer. You gradually sort things in the order you come in to contact with them. Sounded like a different approach!

Thanks for the suggestion, that sounds like a really good idea as it would spur you on a little further each day.

I don't do a stressful 50hr pw shift job, my kids are grown and my husband does a share of the housework.... My house is nowhere near visitor ready. Do not beat yourself up about it you aren't alone and no-one is judging you.

From your list the sink brackets and shelves are the quickest wins. Plastering... Get someone in to do that - it is a dog of a job to do well.

Also the house you visited.... They knew people were turning up. All the junk was probably behind one of the doors that was closed.

Do you have a friend you can talk to? I would happily come and spend a day sorting for a friend (my DC are big enough now that they might almost themselves be useful). Even if the task was ‘sort all kids clothes by size’ rather than decision making. And please don’t judge yourself, you’ve got more on than most!

I've been waiting for hip surgery been on two sticks and now two crutches. I've asked a friend to come and help me after Christmas to go through my wardrobes. I'm going to buy two rolls of strong black bags.

My cleaner is going through my kitchen cupboards next week so we'll have a throw out then. She did my fridge last week which now looks lovely.

It's daunting.

Well there's a blatant use of AI right there....

Well done to you for everything you are already doing. You are only one human being and you have the same limits as each other person.

Is there any way you can make any of the tasks an enjoyable project rather than a chore? I find it easier for example to do a bit of decluttering if I put on a favourite podcast and do it in a bimbling relaxed kind of way.

I also always use a timer. E.g. a 5 minute clean-up in one room (amazing how much you can improve it in five minutes) or a 15 minute decluttering session. I learned these tips from Flylady, who I read about on here.

Your kids need your love & your time. Not to live in a show home

Prioritise anything that's a 'danger' the sink not being bolted down sounds like it could be hazard.

then just make a list in order of priority, break the big things into smaller chunks. Make sure there are plenty of small wins!

but this weekend just rest as much as you can! Get well xx

As others have said, you have a lot on your plate, so try not to beat yourself up 💐

You need to find a good handyman who can help. Some are former builders so may be able to help with porch too. Ask him to quote for all the jobs individually and start with the most urgent first - probably the sink.

The shelves would be nice to have rather than essential but he might be able to do them and the sink in the same job if your budget allows.

If he can't do the plastering he may know someone who can.

The porch can wait until the weather is better as there may be some additional disruption with the job.

So sorry you are ill. Frankly if I had to work 50 hours / week and look after two children, I would not have energy to tackle this either. I think you need to engage a merry band of helpers. The problem is not the “stuff”, if I may be bold, but anxiety, loneliness and underlying overwhelm. Don’t do this alone.

If you live in the south east maybe some MNs will help!