Decluttering sentimental items (deceased relatives) and future proofing own house

[Bobisntmyuncle]

Any tips on decluttering sentimental items after your parents pass away?

I have lots of old things after emptying my parents house
E.g. medals and costume jewellery etc from previously deceased relatives
Lots of photos of people I have never even met
An old wedding dress
Photos of my parents from before I was born which is lovely but I don’t know where they are or who they are with.

What do people do with this sort of thing?

I know Marie condo says give thanks then throw but I feel guilty even though I have no clue who some of the people are. A few of the child pics could be my mum but could be anyone!
It really has shown me that we are only remembered by a couple of generations maximum.

Going forward it’s made me want to declutter my own things but equally I have enjoyed the memories that actually touching old toys and school books etc has bought.

So what do people do with photos etc from deceased relatives AND
How do people balance their own houses to prevent ‘clutter’ eg if you die tomorrow but still have ‘momentos’ and 'personal items' for you and your children to remember things by

Don’t throw away the photos. They’re highly prized in my family as we research the family tree and solve the mysteries of who they feature. AI is a useful tool to identify people. Your DC and DGC might be extremely grateful one day. We have a photo of mother and sons in 1879 and a wedding in 1881. Fabulous.

It's a hard thing to do. For your own affairs, get this book - The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning: How to Free Yourself and Your Family from a Lifetime of Clutter by Margareta Magnusson. It may ultimately help with all the other things too.

Was reading a really interesting (free) article
in The New Yorker about this very issue. MIL
died recently and DH and his siblings will have to sort through her home in which she had lived for 60 years. It’s really made me think about cleaning our our home 🏡https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2021/03/08/how-to-practice?utm_campaign=falcon&utm_social-type=owned&mbid=social_facebook&utm_brand=tny&utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=social&fbclid=IwQ0xDSwLP0vxleHRuA2FlbQIxMQABHoy_dClzvAPY8SVTzSr9asD4yz5hJzSWojqbSrUcUNdHe8HaJWfBuZhLXyQm_aem_UnwEtJQm34a_pDonLKaqmQ

My mum had a lot of her mother's and (great) aunts belongings so ended up letting most of it go. If I wasn't going to put it on display or use it then it went, most went to a local auction house with the better furniture, but an awful lot went straight to the tip.

E.g. medals and costume jewellery etc from previously deceased relatives
Keep the medals, perhaps get a special box to put them in safely. Get rid of the costume jewellery.
Lots of photos of people I have never even met
Keep photos of people or artistic city/sea scapes so others can see how a village or port used to look. Many find this fascinating and some local rags do a monthly bygones section.
An old wedding dress
Let it go. Unless encrusted with diamonds and rubies.
Photos of my parents from before I was born which is lovely but I don’t know where they are or who they are with.
Keep. Unless you are a childless single child born to single child parents and grandparents, ie no living relatives. Buy a special box to store them properly and put in the attic clearly labelled.

It is tough though.

I always found it hard to declutter items I knew were sentimental to the person whose house I was clearing. My mum said “they aren’t your memories, you need to build your own home around your memories, not theirs”, they helped.
so keep a couple of items which remind you of them and either throw, sell or if you have to, store anything else.

Oh OP, I really relate. We went through this after my gran passed, then again after my mum, and I can completely see how it makes you both nostalgic and suddenly very aware of your own legacy and future clutter.

Here's what helped me — maybe it'll help you too:

For your parents' things:
Medals / jewellery:
I picked one or two of each that actually had a story attached. The rest I either offered to family or donated (some charities take costume jewellery).
For medals, sometimes a little shadow box or framed display can make them more meaningful — rather than them sitting in a drawer quietly judging you.
Photos of unknown people:
You're absolutely right — we’re remembered for 1–3 generations, then people become “vintage sepia strangers.” I made peace with that.
I kept some of the most visually striking ones for an album called “Before Us” and scanned others, labelled "unknowns", and uploaded to a shared Google Drive. If cousins want to dive into ancestry stuff, it’s all there.
Wedding dress:
I kept mine (my mum’s was too far gone), but with hers, we took some photos of it, kept a little swatch of the lace and let it go. It was lovely but had no practical place in our lives.
Photos of your parents before you were born:
These are gems! Try to keep a few that capture them being silly, stylish, romantic, or just themselves. Even if you don’t know who they’re with, they tell a story.
I made a “before I existed” mini album — it’s quite sweet.

For your own house and future-proofing:
You’re spot on — it’s about balance. You don’t want your kids buried in boxes of “things Mum couldn’t let go of”, but at the same time, little mementos are lovely.
Here’s what I’ve done:
Personal keepsakes:
I made a “memory box” per child (just one plastic crate each). School drawings, funny letters, a baby outfit, a toy they loved. No more than that. They’ll have a sweet little time capsule when I’m gone (or just mildly embarrassed when I pull it out at 21).
Ongoing decluttering:
Label things! I now go round photos with post-its on the back — who’s who, where, when. That way, they’re not mysterious ghosts to my kids later.
I also review my "sentimental stash" once a year. If something no longer tugs at the heartstrings, it’s probably time for it to go.
And most importantly — tell your stories:
Keep a little journal or voice note log of family stories. Your children will treasure your voice and your words more than a hundred identical pictures of school assemblies and holidays.

You don't have to keep everything. You don’t have to toss it all either.
Keep the items that come with love and stories, let go of the anonymous or joyless. And in your own life, curate your sentimental bits with purpose — label, reduce, and make them meaningful, not overwhelming.
And be kind to yourself. Grief has many layers, and so does memory.

Thanks everyone for the tips, I will read the book and article as it might help with a mental shift.
I will defo felt keep at least some of the medals etc. I just struggle with putting stuff in a loft. If it’s not going to be looked at I almost think what’s the point.
I hadn’t realised other people found old photos interesting or useful. I don’t know where most of the places are so not sure who I could offer them to and if I don’t know who these people are (and neither did my aunt or cousin) it’s unlikely anyone else will.
I did wonder about getting them scanned but it was going to be ££ due to how many there are (lots of boxes) I thought I might keep a few from each album but I’d still feel guilty throwing the rest ;) it’s silly as I know my parents wouldn’t mind but I still feel guilty getting rid of some things. I just don’t really have space to keep too much.

Hi @Bobisntmyuncle
I sorted out my late mum's house (who had amassed clutter from her mother) - birthday cards that weren't typically special to look at or a "special" year all went in the bin once I had checked for any sentimental value. I foundso many 1960s Christmas party menus from work events at a big department store and although interesting, not something I would have a use for (and a crime to tuck in a box or drawer). I donated items like that to the county library for historical interest.

I made up carrier bags for various relatives (having checked if they would be interested eg postcards and handwritten notes festuring exotic stamps and postmarks as well as fashions and vehicled from bygone days.

I did throw out blurred or duplicate photos, especislly unknown people. Luckily mum had written some names on the backs of her mother's photos and I think the post it idea suggested is something I will adopt.

Best wishes and good input so far x ps edited to make a correction 🙃

@ThisTicklishFatball Thankyou so much I love all of your tips!!

What a lovely idea to keep the visually striking photos and then some of my parents in a ‘before us / before I existed’ album. I will definitely do that.

You are right keeping a one or two of each item may be best. I can always review it later.
I did keep their ‘best’ dinner plates and wine glasses and will use them every day, that way every time I have a glass of wine I will remember them and smile.

Going forward I’ve tasked myself with doing photo-books with lots of descriptions of ‘who’ and ‘where’ so when I go my children will at least know who is in the photos. I’m wondering whether to leave a note with the photos telling the children not to worry about clearing my things and to just keep a few bits that spark happy memories. I’m hoping I don’t go for a long time but you never know! A few voice notes saved somewhere might also be a nice idea. I just never know where to save all this stuff so it doesn’t get deleted lost as tech evolves

I don’t want to leave my house too clinical, not sure I’ve got the right balance yet but ‘curating with purpose’ is exactly what I need to do. Memory boxes are a good suggestion that way I can keep a ‘cap’ on how much I keep. Thankyou it was really useful.

Also thanks @LemonLass what is it with cards and the Christmas party menus, I found some of those ;) I might speak to a few local history societies and see if they may like some of the bits. I will also double check with relatives before I throw too much, they might like a look through the old photos

My grandma gave all her old photo albums to me. I don't know many of the people but I love them. Many are from her parents generation.

I've also got things like great grand fathers driving licence from the 1930s, the wedding order of service from my grand parents wedding etc, an old school report from 1940s.

It's not just about knowing the people personally. It's history. I feel it's a massive privilege to hold onto them and especially since my child was born I've loved going through them.

Even if you are not that interested in them, someone in your family might be.

Oh I love this perspective — and what beautiful things to have, too. A 1930s driving licence?! That’s such a brilliant slice of real life history.
You’re so right — it’s not always about knowing the people in the photos, it’s about connecting to the story of where we come from. Even the little things, like an old school report or a wedding order of service, say so much about a time and place. I think there's something quite grounding in that, especially when you become a parent yourself — it puts you in this long line of lives lived and loved.
I’m trying to look at my inherited bits with this mindset more often — less “clutter I don’t know what to do with” and more “tiny archives of family and social history.” Feels a lot less overwhelming that way!

Less is more. If you've got 50 holiday photos keep 3 or 4. That sort of thing.

I have 'memorabilia' from before my time in a labelled box in the attic. It's the size of a box of crisps in a shop so it's not huge.

Every now and again we pull it out and look through it. We've found things in it for school projects over the years and i have passed on a couple of things to local history projects when Ive noticed some sort of appeal. The box doesn't take up lots of space and we know exactly what and where it is.

I found it really hard clearing out my in-laws' home and they had random memories in every drawer and box. I think we still have 2 suitcases worth in the attic and we never open them because it's too daunting.

I'm keeping a plastic box for me and each of the kids. That's all, no more. So it's manageable to pull out and look at on a rainy afternoon.

Dh sadly is following his parents' habits and keeping everything. Every ticket stub, every wedding invite and place card, every golf score card, everything. So his stuff will all go in a skip if he dies first because it's too much to deal with.

Having just cleared my SMs belongings, it's so tough. She'd tried to give as much away as she could once on palliative care, which helped. Her kids didn't want anything, which I found difficult as who else would want their baptism gown, that she'd made herself? We chucked all the photos that didn't have people in, then tried to reunite the photos that did have people in, with those people. But there were so many things like her wedding China which had meant so much to her, but meant nothing to anyone else.

Their memories are not your memories.
Save what is meaningful to you.

The photos don't take up a huge amount of room so I just stuffed them all in a box then went through them all much later when I could look at them properly without all the other stuff to do

Thanks everyone for some really helpful perspectives. I will keep more of it than I originally thought as you are right it isn’t just ‘clutter’, some of it is history. In a few years I might regret throwing some of these things as crucially they can’t be re-bought, once gone they are gone. Also my children might find them interesting.

I think I’ve got too obsessed by the social media posts about being ‘clutter free’ and ‘minimalist’ but I will limit it to a few of each item and try to keep it to one box (or 2 if I split it between people I know and the ‘general history’). That way it’s manageable and I have the room for it

Going forward i will have one box for each of us and do similar. I can make a start this year as we are getting tons of school books coming home. I will only keep the things that might be interesting in years to come