He won't use the toilet brush

[tecbrowidow]

The conversation tends to go:
Me: can you use the toilet brush after you poo, please? I don't like seeing poo stains on the back of the loo every time I go
Him: I have a method which works where I put folded toilet paper on the stain and then it washes away itself.
Me: your method doesn't work
Him: Well I'm the only one who does the dishwasher
Me: That's off topic
Him: Sulks or leaves the room

How do I break this deadlock?

• We have a cleaner, but waiting a week for it to be cleaned it's ick
• I used to just clean up for him, but that makes me really furious
• He's on the spectrum

Yuck! Maybe try a conversation where you express your feelings and let him come up with a solution, e.g. "it feels disrespectful for you to leave me to clean up your poo, I don't think I should have to do that. Could you clean up after yourself and I will clean up after myself, so neither of us are in that situation?"

Beyond that I don't know. A grown man should be able to clean up after himself. If he insists on using the "toilet paper method" can you go and get him to clean every time you find his poo stains? Maybe then he'll realise it's easier to clean it at the time?

I would be tempted to take a pic and WhatsApp it to him each time and say “the toilet has been left dirty, please clean up asap after yourself”

rinse and repeat. I know it’s a bit confrontational but you have asked already.

i personally would also address the dishwasher thing and you do your fair share. Then say look I’ve improved and taken feedback but you have not. Address that pls!!!

Yeah, he definitely needs to clean up after himself! In saying that, I don’t know if this is just us, but I would never leave poo stains for the cleaner to clean anyway. I always give our loo a little check before she arrives.

I don't have toilet brushes but I would never leave a mess. If there was something stuck beneath the water line that doesn't shift after several flushes, I'd get some marigolds on and scrub with a cloth and detergent, then throw away both.
It is disgusting to leave shit stains in the toilet for someone else to deal with. Selfish and absolutely ridiculous.
Like, oh, my shit is someone else's problem. No it's not you vile twat.

I hate toilet brushes!

Bit of bleach, 5 mins, flush. Sure he can manage that.

Or WhatsApp the pic to a family group chat each time. Joking (sort of).

This! I’ve never owned a toilet brush and my toilet is always clean

Depends how softly softly you want to go.

With my autistic child if I needed him to do this I would be working with him to find ways he can manage it. Find out the core of the problem and adapt ways round it. Eg if it's germs could he use a disposable brush, or switch to one of those silicone paddle shaped things, or have a new method where he flushes, puts his loo roll on the remaining stain, scrubs it with his paddle thing then sprays the paddle with bleach spray or antibac.

Whereas if he just can't be arsed it needs a completely different approach. And if you tackle it as a mainstream everyday adult to adult gripe, again the above would sound ridiculous.

It's possible he feels really strongly that he is doing more than his fair share with the DW, or alternatively he knows perfectly well that they are unrelated. You can't solve these things without his input. But there seems to be loads of people on MN who don't believe in loo brushes at all, so you are probably not alone in this irritation.

IMO toilet brushes are disgusting. I can't imagine leaving a poo spattered object festering away in the corner.

I leave a bottle of thick bleach in all my toilets, just where a bog brush would go. If anyone skids the pan the bleach gets rid off it in a minute and it keeps the ceramic from ever looking stained.

Call him back to clean it up. Every.Single.Time. And it doesn't have to be a toilet brush. You can wipe it off with toilet paper - thoroughly.

Are household duties split pretty evenly? Do you do all the laundry for example? If so I would hang his sweaty shirts on the line, no washing, give them
back unwashed and unironed. When he complains say it works for your clothes ok besides you did xyz (insert random chore like he did with the dishwasher) yesterday.

If you do all / most of the prep when his relatives come just don’t do it, no cleaning etc. If he complains say it’s fine, they won’t mind surely.

In other words play him at his own game, anything that’s to do with his stuff or things he likes done a certain way simply don’t do it.

Oh op you've sparked the MN pearl clutchers horrified at toilet brushes.

He's a disgusting pig of a man and I honestly couldn't look yet alone have sex with a man that leaves shit stains in the loo.

God how dire. It's not so much the leaving the shit stains, as denying they're even there. I can fully imagine that this is not how you want to spend your time and energy, arguing with a grown man about his ineffectual skid mark cleaning method. Ultimate in tiresome. I can't imagine being told that I was leaving a trail of skid marks behind me and not becoming instantly overly invested in making sure it didn't happen again, rather than arguing that I was right.

My first thought was also photograph and Whatsapp it to him when it happens, but that feels so very base that I'm not sure that's how I'd like to spend my days either. Comiserations.

Tell him if you have to clean it you'll use his toothbrush

If he is going to use the toilet paper 'method', he needs to put the paper on the bit that's going to get shit stained before he does the poo, not afterwards.

I don't disagree with any of the above

Perhaps though he could put a few layers down ^first^ though (like what is recommended for camping toilets)

Genius

Try a disposable toilet brush see if he can cope with that

I had the chat. Here's how I did it this time:

Me: I'd like to discuss a sensitive topic, which we have discussed before but the outcome isn't working for me. I think if we can resolve this it'll be better for our relationship, would that be okay?
Him: Ok
Me: As I understand it, you choose to place toilet paper on poo stains instead of the toilet brush. Can you explain to me your reasoning there?
Him: it works just as well as using a brush
Me: well, there are a couple of drawbacks here. One - when I open the lid of the loo and see toilet paper with a poo stain under it I feel upset, two - sometimes the poo stain remains even after flushing, this also upsets me. Would you consider switching to using a toilet brush instead for my benefit?
Him: Ok

Obviously the next step is seeing if he actually does it. I'll mention the idea of putting paper down first as well to see how that goes, and I'll suggest the bleach alternative too in case that helps. Wish me luck MN

Well exactly, that has always been my approach, and my parents and grandparents... Toilets always spotless. What are people eating that creates such a mess? You always get the MN posters who say that all you've done is bleach the mess white and bleach doesnt get rid of it, but since bleach dissolves organic matter that is just rubbish.